My mum, long since passed away, gave me parenting advice . Don’t try to be your children’s friend
ok, I think at times it perhaps was a bit harsh, but she was loving, and a fantastic nurturer and teacher.
amd there’s an element of pragmatism to it. You are raising a child. Ok, she’s nearly there. But not yet . You have to remain the adult still, and let her do adulting when she can no matter how badly, and continue to guide her with feedback like, “I feel upset when you say…was that how you meant it to be taken,? “ but keep it light. Tell her you love her whatever, but it is ok to say sometimes I don’t like it when you do x, y,z . Criticise behavoiurs not character. Let her know you are still the parent with boundaries, but support and love her.
you wouldn’t “adult” a friend would you? Keep a clear distinction between your role and her needs. She healthy in having a bit of rebellion, she growing away form you. You are no l9nger her main sphere of influence, her social network outside the family is becoming that. And if she’s a good kid otherwise, this is her rebellion, her individuality…no kid wants to mimic their parents. Yep, it’s painful, but just keep telling yourself she not doing drugs, stealing, skipping school and all the other crap some kids find themselves doing as acts of rebellion.
if you’ve done, And continue to do a reasonable loving job, she will probleably become more human adult as she gets into her twenties. Hang in. It could get a bit worse if she goes to unit first 🤷♀️😱. But trust you’ve done a good job, and it will , in most cases, come out in wash.
once she becomes a fully formed decent human, then, and only then can you expect friendship. Nuture that when it happens. You can then take delight in reminding her of all the shit things she used to say to you …particualrly worth savouring when and if she ever has teenagers of her own!