I need help to motivate my 18 year old daughter

[FlyGirl25]

Hello all, a bit of background - at the age of 14 in 2021 my youngest daughter went to live with her father in a different city for no other reason than she felt she had more friends there. To cut a long story short, it didn't work out with him and his wife. She stuck it out until January 2025 when she eventually came back to me because the situation at her dad's broke down very badly.

She was in the final year of her A levels and the school said if she moved city, she would no longer be on their register and would not be able to tutor her from home. They agreed to give her a pack of work to finish her A levels and self study but with no help available.

My daughter has always hated school and I knew she wouldn't do the work (which she hasn't). So basically she has failed her A levels.

Once she left that school and came back to me her girlfriend also left (she came out when she was 15) and has basically been here with me for weeks. They are inseparable. I am happy to have her girlfriend here as her homelife is atrocious and it's respite for her although I told my daughter that I can't feed her girlfriend permanently and if she wants to stay she will have to get a job to contribute to the household.

I have told my daughter that now that she is not finishing school she either has to get a job or look for an apprenticeship. She has absolutely no desire to do either and the girls spend 90% of their time in my daughter's room asleep mainly, eating or cooking.

It's driving me crazy. I understand that my daughter has gone through a lot these past few years and I'm allowing her time to adjust but it is driving me mad.

I have been giving her some money each week to buy her groceries and be more independent. She recently passed her driving test and has a little mini but no way to fund it. Her dad bought it for her but I don't think she's ready for the responsibility of a car.

It seems to me that she's not ready to grow up. She's hiding away from the responsibilities of becoming an adult (as she keeps telling me she is as she's just turned 18).

I have given her until the end of August to get a job and then I will be withdrawing the money I give to her for food. My friends say that's too long a time to give her.

I just want her to find her path and a full time job for so many reasons, her own dignity too.

The pair of them are just festering in her room.

What do I do in this situation?

Please help

probably part of the issue is them not knowing what opportunities are out there and where to start. Best organise a professional careers advisor who can workout strengths and possibilities and a plan. Doing something inspiring she loves will help motivate

now is a good time to look for work or apprenticeships as come the summer lots more kids will be doing the same

If what she wants to be doing is animal care then check out apprenticeships - although they will probably be low paid and might not be local - but what about applying to colleges that offer a level 3 in Animal management? In the meantime if she does some dog walking/sitting and perhaps she could also volunteer with an animal charity or something like that then she is getting relevant experience and something to put on her CV while she waits for the course to start.

Tell the girlfriend that if she doesn't get a job within the next month she will have to move out as you can't afford to pay for her (but also she is a huge distraction for your dd).

I would be saying things have to change or girlfriend will have to go!
If she really wants to work with animals try and get her into a vets, even work experience or a reception job. Or kennels, it's all a start to getting her motivated. What does the girlfriend want or intend to do? What about sitting them down together and trying to have a motivational chat with them both, you want to make a good lives for yourselves, you need to get out there, make the most of life, build something for yourselves/