At what age did your kids stop acting like twats!

[Totallybannanas]

My ND ds is now 20, the last 4 years have been one hell of a ride. Drugs were the main issue, smoking weed and then vaping TLC not working etc hanging out with a bad crowd. Angry outbursts, staying out for days on end it was awful. He has honestly put us through hell and I still feel I have PTSD from it all. I've held on to him, and have kept reigning him back and I'm proud to say he has now found a job and have been mainly clean as far as I know for 3 mths.

He goes to the gym and seems to be staying home more etc. however he is still very disorganised and self absorbed and self entitled, he can be just selfish and what seems to be narcissistic traits. He blames us for everything like missing the bus, forgetting his lunch. He seems to to think we do nothing for him, even though we do but I also recognise he is an adult so if he misses the bus (which is often) I can't always drop him to work and so he may have to get a taxi. He thinks that because he pays £20 rent a week that he entitled to spend 40 mins in the shower and just generally do what he wants. He has always blamed others since he could speak, he used to blame his little brother of one of his toys had broken. Equally he used to be lovely, kind and caring. He just doesn't take responsibility. I could do everything for him and still Bel blamed or accused of doing nothing. I know he is ND, so not sure if this is part of it. I have always talked about my emotions, said sorry if I was wrong and taken responsibility. I don't understand what he is still acting like a spoilt teen.

And the title is to get attention and tongue in cheek!

In answer to your question, I have a family member who is late 50s (very likely ND) and still behaves very much like your son.

My impression is that his parents never put their foot down with him. It is true he'd kick up a stinking fuss so everybody avoided contradicting him. But but being told 'no' repeatedly and being told as often as necessary to stop being such a twat and that his behaviour won't be tolerated would have gone a long way. Plus, reminded him that life absolutely does not revolve around him.

So no easy answers. But I'd recommend you stand up for yourself as often as you need to. Get angry when you need to and be clear to your DS how shit he's making your life.

Thank you, it's that's fine line of supporting him so he stays motivated on his job and stays in the right path but also recognising he is an adult and if he misses the bus, then catch the next one and apologise for being late or get a taxi. This morning he lost his head phones and stopped around the house, cursing and swearing waking dh up so they then had a row, taking his brother's as he was running late for work.so upsetting him. I stupidly offered to take him to work, as no regular buses today and he's just upset everyone. He's now messaged me saying he's forgot his lunch that's my fault, we do nothing for him etc. the problem is he was focusing on getting gym bag ready, so making a protein shake etc then looking for his head phones when he should have been organising himself for work. He can't prioritise and then blames everyone when he forgets or loses his stuff. Why can't he say mum I'm really sorry, I've forgot my lunch could you drop it in or mum I've lost my head phones have you seen them, can I bore some. It's just this stomping, tutting and cursing and getting everyones back up which then causes a row.

Blaming other people can continue for life!

In my experience when they move out and spend a couple of years living with other people it really does teach them to be more considerate of others as the other young people don't hesitate to have rows!

I've said to him numerous times ask and I will help if I can, but if not you have to accept the answer no. But he does neither 😔 he is just impossible to live with.