Disciplining a 16yo - take the phone or not?

[Tusktusk]

Ex-H wants to confiscate our DD16 phone for the weekend because she has been put on report at college (year 12) for not completing homework.
I personally would not do this because I think at 16 they are too old to have their phone removed (unless they have been doing something dodgy on it). And I’m not sure what good it will do - DD is clearly struggling a bit at the moment with issues that she has never had before and lots of life changes - I think she needs our support, awareness and a good chat about it, but that ultimately it’s up to her if she flunks college. Removing her phone at this stage feels wrong.
DD is staying at his this weekend so it’s his decision but she’ll be back with me on Sunday and I just wondered what others thought? Whether I’m the one getting this wrong?

Oh goodness I'm in the same situation today OP.. except mine is 15 year old DS and he has been in trouble at school. His DF (my ex) is saying we need to take the phone and ground him for the weekend (he has done a variety of silly things at school, didn't go to his dad's last night when he was supposed to and is generally a bit out of control at the moment. Nothing major but just typical stuff.

I am saying to his dad that I think that's a bit extreme. Yes there should be consequences but there has to be some compromise somewhere and chance to prove he can behave. My fear is that he'll point blank refuse to go to his Dad's going forward if he comes down too hard on him. As it is it will be up to me to do the enforcing of no phone and being grounded. He has never been physical with me but his friends are everything time him and I am dreading his reaction tonight.

Sorry I don't know what the answer is but just wanted to say you are not alone..

@beasmithwentworth I feel you, but at 15 and still at school I might have considered it. Depends on the severity of the behaviour and whether the sanction is likely to have the right effect - making him behave. But as you say, with you left to pick up the pieces, your ex is putting you in a difficult position.

It’s my DD being at college now that’s making me think it’s not appropriate any more. She’s practically an adult.

Unless they pay for their phone then yes, remove it. It is a privilege and privelages are earnt.

My Dd is same age, I agree with you Op, you need to connect & understand & support here. Can’t see how taking her phone will get you anywhere right now.

I agree with your OP, you need to have a conversation and try and work out/ understand what is going on. Taking the phone away won't help.

@Tusktusk

I have a 17 year old DD too and I wouldn't have taken the phone away at that age. Yes it's a privilege not a right etc however.. keeping a relationship with a teen is hard enough as it is and I don't think that taking their 'lifeline' (as they see it) away will improve anything. Perhaps another consequence but I don't think the phone is the best option fwiw.

She can choose to not be at her father's house this weekend, as you said, she's practically an adult.

The phone is the only leverage we have with our son. Taking it away has lead to an improvement in behaviour at school, more studying done and he's been getting better sleep. Sometimes we need to talk and listen, and sometimes we need to help keep the kids in line when they are intent on derailing themselves. Thats what parenting is.

I think removing phone for not completing homework is OTT. The school has its discipline system - let her learn via that system. We only took DS's phone away once when he got into big trouble at school for something much worse than not doing homework.