Dd17 has struggled with social anxiety since being bullied several years ago. It was awful just after the Covid years and we sought the help of a counsellor. This helped and she made great progress but she has never really made strong friendships, she’s just had people to hang out with at school and the odd outing. She’s now at sixth form and struggling again with friendships. She has people to have lunch with etc but she craves more. Some days she goes through the day without speaking to anyone. I still feel that she keeps people at arms length and doesn’t cultivate her relationships. I’ve tried to encourage her to reach out more but she’s just too scared of rejection. We would pay for her to speak to the counsellor again but she doesn’t want to.
I’ve just been listening to her talking about her feelings and how lonely she is and I’ve listened and tried to empathise. In the end I said that she needs to do things differently as what she’s been doing for the past 5 years has only had the same results and to bring change she needs to perhaps try some new things whether that be reaching out to the support staff at school, seeing the counsellor again or joining some of the lunchtime/afterschool activities or the various clubs on offer. I almost feel guilty for saying this but I don’t know why…
I’ve told her that she doesn’t need to change herself as she’s lovely- intelligent, kind, funny and interesting but perhaps change what she’s doing… have I done the wrong thing?