Mothers and daughters DD17

Flyhigher · 2025-03-03T22:47:08+00:00

Does anyone else feel like the clash with their daughter in teen years has really robbed them of confidence and identity? In finding her space. She's taken mine away. She dominates the house. My elderly mum also dominates. I don't find female family relationships to be equal. Lots of jockeying for position. Has any one else found this?

CarpetKnees · 03/03/2025 23:13

No, I don't recognise that at all.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/03/2025 23:17

I don’t recognise that no but goodness you sound a bit lost op. I’m sorry this is happening. Does your mom live with you?

Doggydinners · 04/03/2025 07:46

I’ve two girl teens and sometimes it feels like living with the ‘mean girls’ from secondary school- they criticise every little thing and make comments about your appearance (not directly but you see the facial expressions!). I sort of k ow how you feel, nothing you ever do is right and nothing appreciated most of the time, you come way down on the list of priorities. But I try and remember what a rotten time is it and it must be multiplied these days. As long as my children are behaving in public and school and are civilised around family and friends and not swearing/being physical etc I will tolerate some of this. I pick my battles and try and put gentle reminders about behaviour into conversations when all is calm, it’s a bit like the toddler years again- catch them being good!! I’ve started to prioritise my needs and wants and now my eldest is over the worst things are generally lovely with her again.
hang in there xxx

Weebleswobblesowhat · 04/03/2025 10:02

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goosebumps · 04/03/2025 22:01

Yes I totally understand how you feel. You are not alone. My DD is 17 and it's just me and her in the house since my DS went to uni and I so imagined how nice it would be just the two if us. I was wrong!! We used to be so close but she dominates the house and it really is, like the previous poster said, like living with a school mean girl. I get palpitations on my drive home worrying what she's going to say to me. We have moments still of fun but I mainly feel like the unpopular girl she's forced to hang around with.

Original poster

Flyhigher · 04/03/2025 22:06

It's exactly like living with a mean girl.

She doesn't have an easy time I will admit.

However, my life isn't easy either!

I was a semi popular girl at school.

Now I'm the lowest in the pecking order.

Being carped at relentlessly does bring you down. Even if you ignore it. It sticks.

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Original poster

Flyhigher · 04/03/2025 22:08

Doggydinners · 04/03/2025 07:46

I’ve two girl teens and sometimes it feels like living with the ‘mean girls’ from secondary school- they criticise every little thing and make comments about your appearance (not directly but you see the facial expressions!). I sort of k ow how you feel, nothing you ever do is right and nothing appreciated most of the time, you come way down on the list of priorities. But I try and remember what a rotten time is it and it must be multiplied these days. As long as my children are behaving in public and school and are civilised around family and friends and not swearing/being physical etc I will tolerate some of this. I pick my battles and try and put gentle reminders about behaviour into conversations when all is calm, it’s a bit like the toddler years again- catch them being good!! I’ve started to prioritise my needs and wants and now my eldest is over the worst things are generally lovely with her again.
hang in there xxx

Lovely! How old are yours?

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Original poster

Flyhigher · 04/03/2025 22:09

goosebumps · 04/03/2025 22:01

Yes I totally understand how you feel. You are not alone. My DD is 17 and it's just me and her in the house since my DS went to uni and I so imagined how nice it would be just the two if us. I was wrong!! We used to be so close but she dominates the house and it really is, like the previous poster said, like living with a school mean girl. I get palpitations on my drive home worrying what she's going to say to me. We have moments still of fun but I mainly feel like the unpopular girl she's forced to hang around with.

Glad it's not just me. xxx thanks.

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Doggydinners · 05/03/2025 06:24

Flyhigher · 04/03/2025 22:08

Lovely! How old are yours?

Show quote history

Mine are 17 and 13. Finally seeing brighter skies around the 17 year old but she has her own issues and problems. The 13 year old means we are starting all over again and she’s either my best friend or worst enemy and she’s awful when hungry, tired or stressed!

Original poster

Flyhigher · 20/03/2025 23:00

17 is a bit better. But yes hungry or tired she’s just awful to me. Better with her dad.

help ! Any advice?

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wingsandstrings · 30/03/2025 17:03

I just don't let my DD disrespect me. You shouldn't let yours disrespect you. I know I'm sounding black and white, and unfeeling, but honestly unless there are significant issues with your DDs (reasons why they are finding life very hard and can't be disciplined) then it's not rocket science - demand respect. If my DD is rude to me, or getting too entitled (expecting me to do everything for her etc) I just point it out, say that it's unacceptable. If she repeats the behaviour I cut her phone time or remove her pocket money. I make sure to also always show her respect too, I try and model how I want to be treated and I lavish her with affection . . . but the first sign of disrespect and I'm on it. We have a very affectionate relationship, it's good to have boundaries.

PinkChaires · 30/03/2025 17:18

Doggydinners · 04/03/2025 07:46

I’ve two girl teens and sometimes it feels like living with the ‘mean girls’ from secondary school- they criticise every little thing and make comments about your appearance (not directly but you see the facial expressions!). I sort of k ow how you feel, nothing you ever do is right and nothing appreciated most of the time, you come way down on the list of priorities. But I try and remember what a rotten time is it and it must be multiplied these days. As long as my children are behaving in public and school and are civilised around family and friends and not swearing/being physical etc I will tolerate some of this. I pick my battles and try and put gentle reminders about behaviour into conversations when all is calm, it’s a bit like the toddler years again- catch them being good!! I’ve started to prioritise my needs and wants and now my eldest is over the worst things are generally lovely with her again.
hang in there xxx

Im not saying that you should (or shouldn't) do this, but i remember around age 13 i said something like this to my mum and my mum said it about me straight back. I never insulted her again. I think teen girls not getting on with mum is heightened bc social media, they see all these mums who pander to their kids whims, buying them anything they want and being 'cool' then when they see their own NORMAL mums (who are probably better than those who exploit their kids online) they think we are less than. I kind of went through it with my dds, but i just stopped and didn't allow it to occur . Call them out, take away privileges because if they cant be kind they dont deserve it.

Fakesmiles · 30/03/2025 22:26

Mine are 14 and 12 and are horrible. They really are just mean. I bend over backwards to make their life easier and try and make memories and they have just turned into horrible rude people to me and each other. I absolutely hate it.

outside I am told how lovely, polite and grown up they are, at home they are vile. I honestly feel like just dropping them off with their dad (he only sees them 2/3 times a year) and just running off somewhere hot and all inclusive

Mumofgirls7 · 31/03/2025 14:29

I am sorry you are having a hard time. I have three DDs, 20, 18, 16. For the most part (when they are not arguing about who took who's clothes!) mine are a joy to be around. I treat them with massive amounts of love and respect, and expect and get the same back. They are expected to pull their weight round the house, rudeness, spite, meanness is not tolerated. They have all had their teenage moments but we are close. Do you think that as she is gaining her self as a growing woman, you are losing your sense of purpose as her mum and are less needed? I found I really had to adjust to the 'mum of teenagers' role as it is a different way of parenting; you are physically needed less but emotionally needed even more!

JMSA · 31/03/2025 15:57

My middle daughter is 18, nearly 19. Gamechanger! We’re like the best of pals.
Her nearly 16 year old sister on the other hand …
The teen years with girls, especially as a single mother, has left me nearly broken. I do see light at the end of the tunnel though!
My sister haas teenage boys and is living her best life

helibirdcomp · 31/03/2025 16:26

I think I'd have my phone out and video her. When she asks what your doing just say Oh just getting a video of you. After several times of this play the videos back to her and say you're fed up with her horrible behaviour so you are going to post it on your social media and ask for advice unless she makes an effort to improve

Original poster

Flyhigher · 21/04/2025 19:56

Fakesmiles · 30/03/2025 22:26

Mine are 14 and 12 and are horrible. They really are just mean. I bend over backwards to make their life easier and try and make memories and they have just turned into horrible rude people to me and each other. I absolutely hate it.

outside I am told how lovely, polite and grown up they are, at home they are vile. I honestly feel like just dropping them off with their dad (he only sees them 2/3 times a year) and just running off somewhere hot and all inclusive

Feel this xxx

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