Young teenagers- how often do they go out with friends vs spend time with family?

[Lowconfidence84]

I know every families experience of this will be vasty different but I'm new to navigating the world of parenting teenagers and I want to get the balance right.
My son is 14, he is sporty and loves nothing more than going out with his group of friends (about 10 of them) to
Play football, go biking etc after school and at weekends.
This group of boys I've known since they were 4 years old, they are all great. But I've noticed that they are out together at every given opportunity.
They rush home from school, get changed and go out, returning home for just enough time to eat, shower and bed. The parents see them for around 1 hour a day before bed.
On the weekends they are up early about 8am , straight out and not back home till 9pm at night, sat and sun so again probably about 1 hour a day with family.

My son doesn't do this. He lies in at the weekend and may go out with him for 2/3 hours. And maybe 2 nights during the week. The rest he spends with us, chills out or games.

I'm friends with their parents on social media and when the parents go out for a day out, their teenage sons are not with them , ever. I also don't understand how they ever see or spend time with other family members? I've spoken to them about it and they say the boys don't want to go with them anymore. I find this so sad.

I have other friends with sons the same age who are the opposite. They NEVER go out at all, spend all the time with the family and/or gaming.

I think a balance of both is right and that's what I aim for. For example we see my parents for food at their house on a Saturday afternoon. Have done this for my kids entire lives. Only miss a week if poorly.
My parents live for my kids and are lost on a Saturday if we don't go.
We always call in the local shop to grab drinks on the way to their house and sons friends are always there at the same time getting a drink and it's making me feel very guilty that he has to come with us to see his grandparents every week whilst they are out having fun. I've asked him and given him the opportunity to cut it to every other week but he said no.
Am I doing the right thing here?

Are you talking about 2 different sons? You say a 14 year old is out with his friends at every opportunity, but also say "my son isn't like this" because he lays in bed.

My early teen is about 50/50. Happy to spend time with family (was with elderly grandparent for some time yesterday), but will have days out locally with friends, or invite them over.

I meant the rest of the group are out at every given opportunity, my son goes out 2/3 times a week with them for a few hours .

I would also prefer it if they went to each others houses but they don't. They are out of the house roaming around for up to 12 hours a day. Not saying this is bad as it's very like an 80s/90s childhood, they don't get into trouble , it's all just fun stuff.
But they literally spend zero time with their families, just sleep at the house. They were even out all through the winter in all weather's and the dark, including Christmas Day!!

There's groups of kids like this around my way. They roam around on bikes and scooters.
Some are fine, others are a pain in the arse. The latter are always dressed in black with hoods up and scarves across their faces, no lights on bikes, belting along the pavement or trying to do wheelies on the main road/pulling out in front of cars for the lols.

My DC has a bike. I've told them they don't get to leave the house on it unless they wear a cycle helmet and visible clothing. They comply with this.

You have the perfect balance in my eyes. Many parents of teenagers that age would love them to still want to be part of the family and have a social life with friends.

I never begrudge my teenagers sleeping in at the weekend. They are normally shattered and at least I know where they are 😬

Yea as I say these are a really nice group of lads, never initiated trouble, wear all the correct helmets etc and take their biking very seriously.
Its just the amount of time they are out to the detriment of everything else.
I cannot see when they have time to relax, do their homework, it's just none stop! I love that they enjoy their sport and hanging out and my son never asks to go out more than he does , but i feel he's missing out sometimes as they are
Together so often. He doesn't go to the same school as them either so I want to make sure he doesn't lose that bond with them

It's lovely that they keep in touch.
Wasn't suggesting your son was like the 'popular' kids roubd here, but aware that they do seem to fall into 2 distinct camps.

My DC also has regular catch ups with primary school buddies, which is great as they're more local than newer friends from high school.
I suspect that now is getting warmer, they'll want to be out and about on their bikes, or just hanging around together.

I think in the modern age where kids are more likely to spend all day gaming it's absolutely amazing to hear of teens behaving like this !!

And btw personally I'd prefer they were out on hikes for hours with the wrong gear .even God forbid annoying the odd person. than indoors sedentary gaming for hours..

It sounds like you have a nice balance. I think if your teen will do family stuff still enjoy that

That’s great. You’re very lucky. What a healthy social education your son is getting. It’ll contribute to him being a happy and healthy and well rounded man when he grows up.