When did your teenager start paying for their own things?

[bookworm8500]

Such as their mobile phone (£10 a month) and gym membership?

DD17 earns £120 a week lifeguarding but is horrified that I expect her to start paying for these things.

£120 a week?! Wow. She should pay for her £10/month phone and her gym membership for sure!

How much is her gym membership? Does she get a discount for being a lifeguard (if it’s the same place)?

My eldest was working in a supermarket at that age and she was responsible for her phone and any extras she fancied. Your dd is earning a lot if you want her to pay for her phone which I think is reasonable then you are going to have to stop paying for her phone give her a time frame.

Yeah, she does 12 hours a week!
She's at sixth form, so still in full time education.

She stashes all her money away in savings and then says she doesn't have any money in her current account 🤣 Great that she's a saver, but my god she's tight lol.

Her gym is at a different place to where she lifeguards. It's £40 a month. I'm also a member there, so pay £80 a month.

I feel a little bit resentful now as I work full time, she has far more spare cash than I do as she doesn't have bills and a mortgage to pay.

I'll 100% get her to take over the payments

DD is 13 and gets pocket money from both sets of grandparents. We cover all of her basics (essential clothes, monthly contract on brick phone, basic toiletries, basic haircut, book allowance each month etc) but if she wants anything additional (skincare/make up, shopping trip with friends, trips to Starbucks etc) then she has to pay for it herself out of that pocket money/earn it through chores.
She won't be able to get a part time job until after GCSEs but once she can then we will expect her to cover cost of her own phone/petrol for car etc in addition to anything else above the basics.

Why doesn’t she join the gym, presumably reduced rate, where she works?

Does your gym not offer a family membership?

How is she doing with school work and balancing work?

It’s a good prompt to have the conversation.
My DS (18 but still at school) is an also part time lifeguard. We pay for his phone (but get a very cheap deal as DH works for BT) and he gets free gym membership at work. We pay for basic clothes etc but he buys stuff he just wants, going out with friends. He has use of a car (which we bought) but he pays fuel and insurance. He is saving hard for uni, not splashing the cash.
What are her plans after school/college? At what point would she consider herself to be an adult? When does she become a contributor to household finances and not a dependent to be supported? Which things are needs (parent provides until 18) and which are nice to haves?
Influenced largely by threads on Mumsnet we are keen to avoid the situation where adult children sponge off parents well into their twenties!

I’m guessing perhaps she is quite disrespectful in a wider sense too op?

DS doesn't earn anywhere near that, nearer £150-200 a month. I pay for all essentials, he has a clothing allowance for the year for anything over and above a staple wardrobe, I pay for his phone, and of course things like travel and food when he's at college. Anything else he pays for himself. He doesn't have a gym membership, but he does go to band rehearsal once per week which I cover the cost of.

Is she planning on uni?

if so, you say that she needs to set aside a set amount for that into an account you set up that is her uni fund

Dd 18 pays for all her own things that aren't bills. She earns just under £400 a month. I still pay for her phone but she will take it on once she leaves college ( whether she goes full time or not!) she bought her own car but we currently pay insurance and fuel on the understanding we can use it frequently until she passes her test.

I talked to her about rent and she was miffed as she has a tiny room ( i did put her straight about how much it would cost elsewhere!) but I was thinking about it whilst driving her the 30 miles to bowling (in a league) yesterday and paying her weekly £10 fee plus the £28 monthly on her registration. Definitely some changes needed here! We will be charging rent once she goes full time if just to cover that!

I don’t know why you’d infer that? She’s studying, working and saving - sounds like she’s a good kid. It’s just a case of navigating the transition from ‘parents pay for everything’ to the harsh reality of adulthood that is tricky!

I’d expect her to take over those payments too. At around £500 it’s 10% of her take home pay. I think it’s tricky as they are used to you paying these things for them but it’s part of learning to budget. Also it would irritate me to pay for luxuries for my child who has a higher disposable income than I do.

Why I infer a wider disrespect may be a possibility?

because this
but is horrified that I expect her to start paying for these things.

Let’s wait for what the OP says on the matter!

I've always paid for things until they left full time state education. I pay for some things whilst they are in uni. After uni once they get full time job they pay. It wont be much longer OP.

From the age of 13 I worked and did babysitting on the side so I was paying for pretty much all of my extracurricular expenses and saving. I got a job in a high end restaurant at the age of 17 and and was earning about 300 per week (sometimes more) so I paid for everything except my university accommodation which my parents paid. Everything else was on me. So yeah I think they should pay their phone and gym.

My daughter is 12 so not working yet. She does cat sit for friends now and again and she gets some pocket money from us. That's how she pays for makeup, bubble tea with friends, whatever. Once she's working she will pay for anything optional she wants to do so I would expect your daughter to pay for her clothes, phone, gym membership, going out with friends, makeup, etc. As she's still at school I'd pay for school uniform and food and wouldn't charge rent or anything but she's practically an adult now so can start making her own choices about how to prioritise her budget.

I was babysitting at 12 (it's different nowadays of course) and my parents stopped paying for my optional stuff then.

I’ve been wondering this as my DD is the same; we pay her phone as I hadn’t thought about that but she wants to join the gym and I was thinking about suggesting she pays for it. It’s been an uphill battle to get her to pay for stuff with her earnings as she seems to expect we’ll still pay for all her socialising and she can just use her money on clothes and make up.
Sometimes I feel like she has more surplus income than me as i don’t spend as much as her on my own clothes and make up

No, she's not disrespectful at all, she's a lovely, easy going teenager.

I was slightly sarcastic/joking when I said about her being horrified 🤣 but she was surprised I said about it 😅

She does all day Saturday and then an afternoon/early evening shift. Doesn't disrupt her studying at all 😊

Will reply to the rest after my dog walk

They began to have more control aged 16.

Whilst they were at school/college I paid for a basic phone contract, essential clothes & toiletries and agreed extra curricular ps (piano/dance lessons etc). I paid for travel to college & lunches.

Dd preferred to buy her own clothes so instead of me providing the basics I gave her an allowance. If she wanted fancy toiletries/make up she paid herself. Ds was happy with the basics but often chose to pay for his own lunches from McDonald’s/pizza place. Gym membership would have been something they could choose to pay for from their pocket money/part time jobs. Dd also chose to upgrade her phone plan.

when they began higher education they both took over their own phone contracts and used student finance for everything. When dd came back home to live for a year before returning to uni as a mature student she paid £50 per week keep. She was working full time at this point.

After they graduated university and got a FT job. We still pay the phone bill but nothing else.

Why do you pay the phone bill for your full-time working, adult child? Do they pay rent?

No rent. They pay for everything else they do. We just manage the phone bill. Some discount being on the family plan

Wow - rude!