Screen addiction

[MrsJJ84]

Hello ,
so here goes . As a family we’ve had a fairly rough few years and along the way it seems our 15 year old is now quite dependent on screens . Reluctant to leave room . Sullen and moody . We went for a birthday meal for another family member last night and he was monosyllabic , grumpy face etc . I was embarrassed . I know it’s our doing and please don’t judge as I’m already judging myself ! We put limits in place which he does adhere to but I can see he’s just itching to get back on. He dosent meet friends although he talks online with school friends . How do I break this cycle .. anyone been in similar . Help !!

I have no first hand experience - yet! Mine are still too young but I’m dreading getting to this stage! My first thought is, don’t be too hard on yourself! You can’t control everything about his moods or his likes etc. My only other idea would be to try to plan days of outdoor/ family time. Something out do the ordinary, definitely outside if you can, maybe doing or seeing something he is or used to be interested in. He might not respond much at first but try to stay neutral and I wonder whether the more you get him ‘out’ of his online space, the more you’ll see a change? Just a thought! Best wishes xx

Thank you for replying . I think you’re right .. we need to go out more but he makes it miserable for my other two children by just being antagonistic or grumpy . It’s more pleasant when he doesn’t join us which sounds awful ! Thank you for replying and I’ll try and think of some things he might like to do xx

What controls do you have on his phone? If it's an iPhone does he have a child's account?

If he's 15 is he in Y11? Does he hand over his phone when he's revising?

I had this with mine who both insisted that they needed their phones to revise. The compromise was that they only had their oboes to revise if they were sat at the kitchen table or with me so I could keep an eye on what they were up to.

Does he hand over his screens at a reasonable time too?

And what's he planning to do after school?

He’s in year ten ..
he does adhere to screen restrictions but he’s grumpy and sullen during the time he’s not on screens . It’s more his PlayStation than phone .

I don't have direct experience, but would recommend the book 'The anxious generation' which gives some great insight and practical recommendations about this. I'm not at this stage with mine yet but can appreciate it must be really difficult to keep them off screens as they get older

Do they have any GCSEs in Y10? Ours took one.

For my DS being sulky when he wasn't playing was a sign that he'd been on it too long.

I'd have a think about whether you think the balance is right or you need to reduce it a little. Does he have his PlayStation in his room?

I'd also take him out on his own somewhere neutral, like for a milkshake/burger/coffee and tell him that he's 15 and it's time to stop the sulking, it's a deeply unattractive trait and he will get enjoy life more if he does more things and stops sulking when he doesn't get his own way. You might want to be a bit more subtle though!

Ask him what his plans are too. If he wants a GF for instance he's unlikely to find one whilst he's attached to his PlayStation. Is he willing to try an activity one night a week like Explorers or Climbing?

I'd also see if he'll watch Swiped with you on the C4 app. That should open up a conversation about screens and how they can affect your mood.

hi Op I have a slightly younger child who has been in a similar slump at points - in our case, we had major stress and trauma in the home and we just took our eye off the ball in terms of his screen time. It happens.

no Judgement at all - it's very very easy for this to happen. We also had the rude/ eye rolling during family time.

I have to be honest - I think the ONLY answer is boundaries - it might feel so so hard to row back from where you are - but you have to remove the gaming and potentially the phone if that doesn't work.

I know it feels too late, I know it is horrific rowing endlessly (been there for all of it) and it's just meaningless when people who have not lived through this say 'oh but you are the adult' - it isn't that simple.

Could you sit down and say - look we need you to do things other than screens - and then set the rules/ look at whether he can take on an otehr sport/ activity?

being rude with family in our house would now mean losing gaming time - we also take gaming away for being rude to us. Its shit and sterssful but I can say it is working.

the itchign to get back - hard I think you may have to ignore that.

talk to him about what is stopping him meeting in person with friends?

sympathies Op its really hard I would just focus on some things you would like to really really change (ie. rudeness at a family meet/ not arranging anything social) and focus on those

Thank you . I’ll have a look at that . It really is very difficult . Lot of his friends are still online at midnight and I’m the mean mum ! I wish we hadn’t given him access to screens !!

Thank you . I’ll have a look at that . It really is very difficult . Lot of his friends are still online at midnight and I’m the mean mum ! I wish we hadn’t given him access to screens !!

We had this when one of DS' closest friends had his XBox in his bedroom and unlimited access.

It was hard in some ways but I'll take being the mean Mum of it means that they get some sleep.

Just keep taking to him, explain your reasons that you want him to have a happy and full life and part of that is getting enough sleep and doing a variety of activities.