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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

DS14 and jealous best friend

3 replies

multimediatheclerk · 01/03/2025 20:38

I posted this in AIBU, but I’ll put an abridged version here too because it might be appropriate to do so.

My DS is 14, and his best friend is also a 14 year old boy. His best friend gets VERY jealous easily, especially of people that my son pays attention to. His best friend is very talented, however has severe acne and is not conventionally attractive which makes him insecure and impacts his self esteem.
At the start of the year, another boy joined the year with the ‘same talents’ as DS’ best friend. This boy also happens to be very handsome and conventionally attractive, which made my DS’ best friend seethe with jealousy and become suddenly overprotective of DS and afraid of abandonment. He’s definitely afraid that he’s going to be replaced as DS’ best friend by this ‘better’ version of himself, if you like.
DS’ best friend has now been calling my DS late at night, afraid of abandonment and asking repeatedly ‘do you still like me, are you going to replace me with [the other boy] since he’s so much better than me and also better looking.’
DS is now exhausted by his best friend and feeling agitated because his best friend is obviously manic and anxious - it’s starting to rub off on DS and affect him visibly. He said it’s draining to be around his best friend now.
So, I’ve limited their interaction heavily now - DS objected but I know he’ll thank me. I just am afraid that DS’ best friend will freak out and lose his mind because he’s so immensely attached to my DS. DS’ best friend’s mother called me this morning and said I was harming her son by limiting contact and spoke to me rudely, then hung up.

My question is, seeing as this is a unique situation…. how do I go about this? If it makes any difference, I suspect DS’ best friend has a crush on him and this might explain some of his behaviour. I’m just not sure, feeling conflicted.

OP posts:
AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 02/03/2025 01:38

Genuine question and not meant as any kind of implication - Could it be that this boy has feelings for your son? Obviously this could still be the case regardless of your DS's orientation..
Either way it does sound a bit full on.

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 02/03/2025 01:41

Oops sorry I'm using the app and it cut off the bottom of your OP! So I didn't see that you've already thought that 🤦🏼‍♀️

AnxiouslyAwaitingSpring · 02/03/2025 01:47

Distance your DS from him or suggest that he 'fades him out.' With a situation like this which involved fully grown adults, I would of course advise an open and transparent chat but with a hormonal 14yr old with a potential crush, I wouldn't want to do this!
I don’t have any experience with teens (yet, mine is 10...) so I expect someone else will have better advice but I do believe that no good will come from any kind of chat about it with this boy and would try fading him out slowly but very surely. This being the least painful for both boys. Good luck

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