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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

To be very concerned about autistic isolated 13DD

4 replies

BluntOliveBear · 01/03/2025 17:59

New mumsnetter here and cross posted from the teenager section!! Was told by a friend I may find a hand hold here so here we are :)

My daughter is showing worrying behaviour. She suspects that she has bipolar and she has autism, ADHD and OCD. No matter online or offline, she can't seem to keep friends - she is currently in year 8 and the transition to secondary school was very difficult for her because she drifted away from all her friends and best friends and currently has nobody. She desperately wants friends, but she either can't relate to anybody or they simply don't like her. She doesn't 'follow the crowd' per se; she is very unique, knows who she is and has always been very sure of her identity. She also has a very low social battery which makes it even more difficult for her to befriend anybody because she finds social interaction difficult but nonetheless wants people to spend time with. She's inside/in her room alot, doesn't talk about having friends at school, never leaves the house on weekends and isn't very independent. Her interests are also quite childish (not a bad thing!) but she likes shows like My Little Pony and Bluey, enjoys playing with toys and plushies, talks like somebody much younger and definitely doesn't have the 'mind' of a teenager. In my opinion, she's definitely age regressing as a coping mechanism. I am worried because she seems extremely lonely and isolated and spends huge amounts of time in her room, pacing and talking to herself. When she talks to herself, she replies for the 'other person' in the conversation and has a network of imaginary friends that she believes are real and taking care of her/doing things with her, like imaginary parents or an imaginary friend group. There are over 50 of them.She’s mentioned one of the friends is abrasive and abusive to her which was really alarming. She was terrified of turning 13 because she was worried one of the imaginary friends would 'get mad at her' as well, and she hasn't really been the same since her birthday - she's been significantly more isolated and seems to be regressing even more in terms of age, insisting that her imaginary friends are taking care of her. She's highly intelligent (nearly genius level!) writes astoundingly and has many dreams for the future, I just feel so sorry and sad for her because of her circumstances. She's also mentally ill, traumatised because of situations I won't get into now but refuses therapy because she thinks it's a scam (we’ve been through 10+ to no avail) and insists on doing things herself (she hates asking for help.) I really don't know what to do here because she's clearly not happy but she's expressed while talking to herself many times that the 'sadness makes her happy' and she obviously bottles things in 😓. Can anybody offer any advice or a helping hand in these tough times? AIBU to be concerned about her or should I leave her be?!

OP posts:
LoremIpsumCici · 01/03/2025 18:08

Forget therapy, has she not wanted any psych assessments to determine whether she has any of what she suspects? The imaginary friends at 13 could be a schizophrenic trait as the way you write it is as if she believes they are real. I’d also be concerned and try and get her into an assessment. There are loads of medications that could help her with ADHD, bipolar, psychosis etc even if she is against therapy. If she is autistic, there are support groups for that too so she can find her “tribe” of fellow autistic children her age with similar passions.

BluntOliveBear · 01/03/2025 18:10

@LoremIpsumCici The thing with medication is that some of the side effects are vomiting and she has emetophobia, so that would be a difficult adjustment for her. I’ll look into support groups/assessments though!

OP posts:
LoremIpsumCici · 01/03/2025 18:12

BluntOliveBear · 01/03/2025 18:10

@LoremIpsumCici The thing with medication is that some of the side effects are vomiting and she has emetophobia, so that would be a difficult adjustment for her. I’ll look into support groups/assessments though!

You can’t get any medication without the assessment and diagnosis.

? Why not try the medication. You can titre the dosage so if she vomits she can stop taking it and try another one.

BluntOliveBear · 01/03/2025 18:14

@LoremIpsumCici That’s the thing. She would have to vomit for us to know. Her OCD means she hardly leaves to house because of this fear. Who knows how she would react if she vomited for whatever reason. She might throw a fit and harm herself we can’t be sure. Of course we can do a low dosage but it would have to be so low that it doesn’t fix anything
She also won’t even take anti-nausea meds like Zofran etc for this fear. Because anything is possible with medication

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