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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 year old boy no friends

51 replies

Runnersandtoms · 01/03/2025 13:38

My 14 year old (year 10) son doesn't have any friends except one who is a home-ed child. They see each other maybe twice a month, and mostly only if I prompt him to do so or arrange something with the friend's mum.

He seems generally happy enough in life, he doesn't love school but I don't believe he's being bullied or anything. He used to have friends at junior school. At senior school he seemed to grow apart from the people he knew (some of his junior friends went to different secondaries and have eventually lost touch despite me trying to help him stay in touch). For a while he was friends with a group of girls at school but now doesn't really seem to still be friends with them either. At lunchtimes/break he just reads or does his homework. I think he does interact with other kids but he's not actually friends with them.

He's not interested in sport and finds a lot of the boys his age a bit idiotic. He's not remotely interested in vaping/drinking which lots of them are. He's shown no signs of any romantic interest in anyone male or female.

He goes to extra curricular activities three days a week after school and chats to other kids there but there's nobody he'd count as a friend. He can interact fine with people, eg we had an exchange student to stay, they got on fine, played games together etc and he isn't cripplingly shy or anything.

At weekends he has tutoring, ocassionally plays roleplay games with a group including his home-ed friend, otherwise he plays computer games, guitar, draws, reads, watches telly, or we do stuff as a family (two older teen sisters).

I'm not sure he feels a great gap in his life and his time always seems filled up, but I worry about him not having friends. I don't think there's much I can do except encourage him to see his one friend and hope maybe he'll find someone he gels with when he goes to 6th form college.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 01/03/2025 23:51

Runnersandtoms · 01/03/2025 15:18

I mean, have you met any 14/15 year old boys? A lot are actually idiots. A large number are obsessed with football. And/or they spend their time talking shit about girls, or trying to persuade girls to snog them etc. Or they think they are acting like big men and do mildly antisocial behaviour eg pushing and shoving, swearing etc. Or they are drinking and/or vaping in the park. None of which is remotely interesting to him. He's very much a rule follower and has never been into rough play, even as a small child. Some of the boys he used to be friends with at junior school have begun acting as above since year 8 upwards. My 16 year old daughter says the same about them (boys she knew as normal little kids now acting like teenage idiots).

Edited
Show quote history

Maybe this attitude is part of the issue? It seems your son (and/or you) think he's better than those 'idiotic' boys. It's like you are turning your nose up at them. You don't necessarily have to have the same interests to be friends. My ds is into football but many of his close friends close are not, they still find plenty of other things to do together. My ds is a gamer but some of his friends aren't, and that's okay too.

Drinking, vaping and 'rough play' aside (my ds and friends don't do that), what you've described sounds very much like my 14yr old ds. You've described very normal interests for a 14yr old. They're not idiots, they're actually very thoughtful, funny, intelligent, dynamic kids. Has your ds even given them a chance? Or just written them off as idiots because their interests don't exactly align.

What does he enjoy doing?

FriendlyEeyore · 01/03/2025 23:54

Is he telling you he wants more friends? Or is he happy with his life and his hobbies?

Hollyhedge · 02/03/2025 00:00

Charcoalpen · 01/03/2025 15:24

A lot are actually idiots.

so you want your son to have friends

but presumably you and he think lots of his age group are idiots so very limited pool

Err my 15 yo son likes football - he is not an idiot. Msjority are not smoking/ vaping. You sound a bit superior thinking op

JazbayGrapes · 02/03/2025 00:11

*Maybe this attitude is part of the issue? It seems your son (and/or you) think he's better than those 'idiotic' boys.

People just mature at different rates.

TartanMammy · 02/03/2025 00:36

JazbayGrapes · 02/03/2025 00:11

*Maybe this attitude is part of the issue? It seems your son (and/or you) think he's better than those 'idiotic' boys.

People just mature at different rates.

It's not about maturity; it feels more like a sense of judgment and superiority, as if they consider themselves better than other boys their age.

Yellowink · 02/03/2025 06:46

Maybe this attitude is part of the issue? It seems your son (and/or you) think he's better than those 'idiotic' boys. It's like you are turning your nose up at them. You don't necessarily have to have the same interests to be friends. My ds is into football but many of his close friends close are not, they still find plenty of other things to do together. My ds is a gamer but some of his friends aren't, and that's okay too.

exactly

both the op and her son seem to drip with judgement about 14 year old boys.

but ultimately it’s the OP’s 14 year old boy who seems to be friendless so maybe time for a bit of introspection there OP

Disturbia81 · 02/03/2025 08:43

FriendlyEeyore · 01/03/2025 23:54

Is he telling you he wants more friends? Or is he happy with his life and his hobbies?

This is key. If he is happy then leave him alone.

Original poster
Runnersandtoms · 02/03/2025 09:40

Maybe it is about maturity as he is quite an old soul and has also grown up with two older sisters. I remember once in a group of his peers they were talking about how the girls are much more mature than the boys (the boys present agreed with this) and one of the girls said 'except DS' and everyone agreed.

It's not about being judgmental except when he's sees people doing stupid, unsafe or offensive things, in which case I think it's okay to be judgmental about it!

I think at the end of the day he doesn't seem unhappy so maybe I need to stop worrying and hope he finds friends at college.

OP posts:
Yellowink · 02/03/2025 09:42

But op - you’re making out your son is the only 14 year old who has older sisters and doesn’t enjoy rough play or football and vaping and drinking in parks

There are loads and loads and loads who also have older sisters, don’t enjoy football, rough play, vaping and drinking. And they will still have lots of friends. My son being one of them.

oh it doesn’t make his an “old soul”

Original poster
Runnersandtoms · 02/03/2025 09:45

TartanMammy · 01/03/2025 23:51

Maybe this attitude is part of the issue? It seems your son (and/or you) think he's better than those 'idiotic' boys. It's like you are turning your nose up at them. You don't necessarily have to have the same interests to be friends. My ds is into football but many of his close friends close are not, they still find plenty of other things to do together. My ds is a gamer but some of his friends aren't, and that's okay too.

Drinking, vaping and 'rough play' aside (my ds and friends don't do that), what you've described sounds very much like my 14yr old ds. You've described very normal interests for a 14yr old. They're not idiots, they're actually very thoughtful, funny, intelligent, dynamic kids. Has your ds even given them a chance? Or just written them off as idiots because their interests don't exactly align.

What does he enjoy doing?

Show quote history

I didn't mention any 'interests' except football...so okay I'll agree that being obsessed with football doesn't make someone an idiot, it just means they're not a particularly suitable friend for someone that's not into football.

All the other stuff is behaviour that is antisocial, offensive or dangerous. I'm okay with my son thinking he's better than that.

He has plenty of varied interests which I already stated in OP, some of which he shares with others the same age.

OP posts:
Yellowink · 02/03/2025 09:46

Oh you’ve completely misunderstood

the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree so the saying goes

Changed18 · 02/03/2025 09:48

He goes his own way, OP. I think that shows real character. Great that he has the space to focus on work now. He’ll no doubt find his tribe later on.

JazbayGrapes · 02/03/2025 10:23

It's not about maturity; it feels more like a sense of judgment and superiority, as if they consider themselves better than other boys their age.

Its hard not to feel this way when one is more grown up than other kids born in the same year. Also - who said one must have friends of exactly the same age?

My advice would be to build your social circle outside of school as much as possible - with people of different ages and different walks of life. Maybe volunteering or political/environmental campaigns would interest him?

Original poster
Runnersandtoms · 02/03/2025 10:47

Yellowink · 02/03/2025 09:42

But op - you’re making out your son is the only 14 year old who has older sisters and doesn’t enjoy rough play or football and vaping and drinking in parks

There are loads and loads and loads who also have older sisters, don’t enjoy football, rough play, vaping and drinking. And they will still have lots of friends. My son being one of them.

oh it doesn’t make his an “old soul”

Edited

Well if that's the case maybe he just hasn't found them because they don't seem to exist round here.

OP posts:
Rulerflex · 03/03/2025 08:16

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Rulerflex · 03/03/2025 08:36

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DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 03/03/2025 18:23

I think if your son is content, leave him be. He sounds as if he has a fulfilling life and a loving family.
And I agree. A lot of 14 year old lads are idiots, as much as their parents will tell you they ain’t!

Solypim · 05/03/2025 06:26

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Malsau · 04/04/2025 00:29

@Runnersandtoms my 14 year old is the same. He hasn’t found his tribe in school either. Luckily he has found things in common with kids who play formula one online . This has been a saving grace, taking the emphasis off friendships in school. I’m really hoping things change in year 10 as he will finally be mixing with different kids. I feel like he’s been with the same kids for the past 2.5 years . Hope both our sons find their tribe sooner rather than later 😘😘

OldSkooler · 04/04/2025 12:19

Having been through this I would agree that a lot of 14/15 year old boys (and girls probably too but I had boys) behave like idiots, mine did! And struggles with friendships at that age are very common as everyone wants to be part of the 'popular' gang which at least in my kids schools seemed to equate to the most idiotic of the idiots so the worse you behave the more popular you are. As they get older things get better and settle down. Until then it seems to be the case that you either have to join the idiots (which my kids did) or stay outside of the crowd but possibly have fewer friends. I'm sure there are exceptions but this is how it seemed to work where we are.

waterrat · 04/04/2025 12:51

obvious question - is he neurodiverse/ autistic - or has strong traits?

I have to accept the reality that my autistic child has a very different 'need' to friends than i do. She likes to be with them in school and see them sometimes - but she has much, much less need and interest in being social than a neurotypical child.

For children who mask heavily - school is exhausting. They need that downtime at home.

Try not to pathologise it - the fact is your son is mixing with other kids a lot - so, he has the opportunities if he wants them.

He may find his tribe later

Obviously he might not be autistic - but he is obvoiusly introverted and not as social and driven by a desire to be with his peers as others his age.

I would say, try to separate what you think is normal from what he is actively choosing to do.

Malsau · 04/04/2025 20:06

@OldSkooler thanks for this, it gives me some hope. Just really hope that things improve in year 10 when they are doing their gcse subjects 😘😘

HazelSnake · 12/01/2026 21:54

How is your son getting on I know it’s been months since this post. I feel
like it’s me that has written this infact i have just put up a similar post….,

Original poster
Runnersandtoms · 12/01/2026 21:57

HazelSnake · 12/01/2026 21:54

How is your son getting on I know it’s been months since this post. I feel
like it’s me that has written this infact i have just put up a similar post….,

Thanks. He's still pretty introverted. I'm hoping he'll make some friends when he goes to college.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 12/01/2026 22:00

JazbayGrapes · 01/03/2025 23:29

Some people prefer to be by themselves and don't really need much company. One or two friends is plenty.

My youngest is like this he's 24 now and enjoys walking in the Yorkshire dales on his own. He's comfortable in his own skin I've decided. He's been with his partner for 7 years. First girlfriend, maybe the last, they talk about marriage.

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