14 year old using drugs

[rosesl]

I'm divorced from my daughter's mum. This week I've come across social media posts strongly implying DD is using drugs - posts referring to being stone and high, there's picture of her with vapes etc too

We are 50/50 care - court ordered and daughter is with her mum for the next few days.

I asked her to speak to our daughter about this as she's in her care - I've sent the posts but my ex wife is just saying it's false allegations on my part and that I'm awful - the evidence is there in black and white. I've explained I'll support any action she takes but she's just saying it's not true. I've suggest drug tests but she's called me crazy for even suggesting it.

I'm unsure what to do. My ex will just deny it to avoid conflict and risk DD coming to mine if they fell out (even though I would strongly discourage this)

In the past if my daughter has misbehaved I've grounded her but her mum just tells her to go to hers and she isn't grounded.

So I'm in a lose lose situation,

Any ideas what I can do?

Your EW sounds unsupportive and childish.

My advice is not to go in all guns blazing - it won't be well received.

Talk to your DD about drug and vape use and the long term damage they can do.

You don't say which drugs she might be using, but "getting high" suggests it could be weed. That doesn't necessarily mean she'll move onto harder drugs but it's always a possibility.

I don't see what good a drug test will do. If it's positive, what do you do then? Apart from grounding her, or scaring her by letting her know you'll tell the school, police and her friends' parents.

As I said, don't shout or be angry with her. Be gentle and understanding, and she'll be more likely to listen. Plus, she will be more likely to come to you with other problems if she knows she won't be shouted at and judged.

Good luck.

Totally understandable that you're concerned! Not sure where you're based, but if you're in Hampshire there's a charity who provide free support for family and friends of people using substances, their name is PSL you can find them online.