14Yr old son weight loss

[Sunnyflower35]

Hi, just looking for some advise on what to do. My 14yr son has always been an active boy and has been playing football for 2 teams from the age of 6. He has never been overweight but he was slightly chubby before starting puberty but he has since lost all this and is in my opinion small for his age.

When he turned 14 he asked if he could join the gym with his mates. I wasn't for it to start with as he gets a lot of exercise with 2 nights football training, 2 x 80min football matches at weekend, School football team and PE lessons, I thought this was enough. My husband (his dad) persuaded me that it would be good for him as his mood gets low when he is stuck in the house over winter and his mates don't get of their computers, so it would help his have something to do.

It started off well with him going to the gym a few times a week with friends and he was happier.

Over the last few weeks he has been going to the gym almost daily (afterschool) including football days, sometimes twice in 1 day if no football.

He has now asked for us to get him calorie controlled meals so that he can lose weight as he says he has a tummy.

When he asked me for the meals and I asked why, he backtracked said it doesn't matter and got grumpy. I said I would speak to his dad. His dad spoke to him and he got the reason out of him and just said we would discuss it.

I am worried that he is going form an eating disorder and not sure how to tackle this with him as he doesn't listen to me. My husband is trying to talk to him and help him and I'm just not sure what I can do and feel like every thing I am saying/doing is wrong.

Am I over reacting? is this something that a lot of young boys do at this age?

My eldest son who is 16yrs old is just as active (minus gym) and is skinny but he has never asked or done anything like this and I know we cannot treat them the same as everyone is different.

Any advice would be great, thanks a worried mum.

I would say to him calorie controlled meals aren’t necessarily healthy and if he wants to make his body fitter and focus on health he can spend some time meal planning with you to come up with healthy meals for everyone to eat. That way you can talk to him about making sure you cover all the food groups, slow release energy etc. try and turn the focus away from having a podgy tummy to having a healthy body.

Hi, this sounds like a good idea, I will give this a try.

Thank you

I had a slightly different problem with DS abd food at this age but found this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust incredibly helpful.

It covers how to get all of your nutrients, how many calories you need based on sex, age and activity levels and portion sizes.

I read it then went over bits with my DS.

I'm surprised he's not really, really hungry if he's doing that amount of exercise.

It might also be worth talking about how his liver is likely to fade reached its full size, or almost, by now and things like having full size organs in a teen body can make out tummies feel a little larger when actually there is no fat and no need to be worried.

Sorry I forgot to ask, which SM is he on and who is he listening to online? Some sites, like TikTok can be very pro-anorexia.

It might be worth watching Swiped in C4 and The Instagram Effect on the BBC IPlayer.

That’s my worry, him not being Hungry after so much exercise. We are sometime having to put meals in front of him to eat, which he has done but reluctantly.

i know he’s on tik tok but not sure who he follows. I think we will have to have a look on his phone and check. I hadn’t even thought of that. Thank you!

We have spoken to him about the meals and he just went off in a mood and said it doesn’t matter. And we have now found uneaten lunches in his school bag. I am so unsure what to do. He used to love food and would always enjoy his meals and try new things. Now he’s grumpy whenever we discuss food with him.

i will definitely give the show a watch and have a look at the guide, thank you!

Ok so I would try and get him to the Doctors as soon as possible. Tell them about the reluctance to eat and the excessive exercise and ask them to check his iron and vitamin levels. Anaemia is know to cause low appetite particularly.

I do think you're looking at an eating disorder though, hence the need to speak to the GP urgently.

I'd also try and talk to BEAT as well as the GP.

You might also find this helpful.

I think you need to be really careful with this.
OK, I have 2 teens who naturally tend towards the slim, but they go through phases of being insatiable. And the rest of the time they eat more than me (and I'm not slim!).
I'd agree with the comments of home-cooked, balanced meals, but also a gp visit.

My oldest does tend to eat less just after exceriseing. I wonder if you need to time meals to before his gym and football. Or at least balanced snacks at those times.