My eldest turns 18 very soon and I'm feeling very emotional about it. She went off the rails and lives with her dad and we have a very tricky relationship. I won't get to see her in her birthday even though she's only 5 miles away and I won't get to join in any of her birthday celebrations because her dad and his new gf are taking her out to get drunk. I had planned a city trip with her and her siblings but she behaved so badly the last time we did a similar trip that I've cancelled it. It all feels a bit shit. The day she was born was the best day of my life and she was everything I'd ever wanted. Motherhood was so important to me and I didn't know if I'd be able to have children because of a medical condition. Her childhood was badly affected by her dad's subtle yet soul destroying abuse of me and then his affair and our divorce so life didn't pan out the way I'd hoped. I know it rarely does for anyone though. I'm so sad at the way things have turned out and her turning 18 feels seismic. I think she'll always be my baby in my heart but otherwise I feel she's lost to me at 18. I have no say, no input, no use. I feel redundant.
My situation is hopefully not common but I hoped that by hearing other mums say how they felt on that milestone I might feel less emotional.