Hi
ok please be kind. I’ve had a far from perfect life and still in therapy working through my childhood.
so, I have two teen girls 15 and 18. Nearly 16 and 19! My step daughter is 17.
so I divorced their bio dad ten years ago and immediately moved into a relationship with current husband. He swiftly moved into my situation and looking back I was vulnerable he used that to move on etc. usual! I became a stepmom and he went through years of horrific court action to keep contact with his daughter and eventually awarded custody. There was much pressure on his daughter and I also felt within that a lot of pressure to support emotionally and of course in every other way! It was all exhausting and I could be mean to his daughter and the animosity from all the warring family members created a difficult life but also we had some amazing times and holidays etc but always pulled down by his ex being a nightmare (of course she was probably trying to keep control) but between the two of them life and raising children was never ever a normal experience.
now, a year ago his daughter walked out and was collected kind of in the middle of the night by her mother. And that was the end of life as we knew it. He then became angry at what he felt I’d done to her. Our home became difficult for my kids who didn’t want to live with their dad but became distant and self protective as he whirled further into depression etc.
his daughter is back in tentative contact following my daughter meeting her a few weeks ago. But my husband has been critical of my daughter because she’s 18 and he felt she should’ve done more, sooner, as he’d always done so much for her etc.
im so very tired and I feel I live with an ever decreasing circle of energy. My parents have issues with him - he criticises my dad for just talking about money and not giving a shit about him / but he’s perfectly happy living in a house and car abroad that my parents bought us. He now goes there and it’s like he’s set it up as a perfectionist and when I go it’s like things must be done his way as it’s his only sanctuary and that he wants life to be different. My scattiness that he once found endearing is gone. His happiness is dependent on his daughter and says he can’t have a full life without her and the only thing that takes his mind off it all is work. Of course I’m now sensitive to everything and reactive. I’m reactive to my daughters too as I’m so tired.
I’ve not been the best mum. Emotionally reactive and quite immature. I just want to crawl to somewhere and live by myself and just cut off from everyone
tired