My Daughter has anxiety

[Kristen07]

My daughter just turned 14 as much as I try my best to support her in any way I can ,she gets very anxious about school and everything is a challenge she's very worried about how she looks and what her peers think.
she works very hard at school and I worry she's putting too much pressure on herself what can I do ?

She has likely just started puberty and her hormones are causing this emotional shift. It's a tiring thing for the brain so Don't make her feel guilty for sleeping/resting, encourage it. Allow time each night for you both to hang out and chat for say half an hour before bed. If she's not keen on chatting just be in her presence so she feels supported. Lots of hugs and emotional and physical support. Her brain is going through a similiar shift as to when she was a todddler learning how to walk/talk- let her know this and let her know it's okay to lean on you more if she needs it.

Also it's normal for you to feel like nothing you do is good enough- support wise. At this age she will naturally start to push you away, puberty does this so that we branch out away from our parents. In evolutionary terms, puberty made us break off from out tribe and find others to mate with.

There are things she can do to help manage the symptoms of anxiety - box breathing for example. It helps calm the nervous system. And schools have access to support systems, like silver cloud and can arrange counselling if the anxiety becomes more than is 'normal'.

It might just be usual teenage stuff but keep a quiet eye on it just in case it tips into something more.

I would also be careful not to label her as ‘having anxiety’. My daughter has a number of health issues and has had some issues dealing with anxious feelings as a result. Her team have been very careful to frame how she is feeling in a way to say that everyone gets anxious about things and that is entirely natural, but if you find that anxiety is getting in the way of doing things you need to do or is impacting your wellbeing, then it is worth having some coping mechanisms to fall back on.

I would agree to keep a quiet eye though.

Life has always been a minefield for hormonal teenagers and social media is massively inflating that.

Some really good advice on this thread about rest, sleep and a listening ear without judgement.

She finds as school very red tiring 😞 and gets overwhelmed she has her good and bad days I am trying on magnesium gummies was told it may help her with stress levels

How much does this impact her?

Does she 'have anxiety' or is she 'anxious'?

If she has such bad anxiety that it is impacting her day to day, stopping her doing things etc then she needs a referral to CAMHS and/or private psychiatrist and/or counselling and/or meds.

If she just gets anxious but is coping day to day you could take a lesser approach with mindfulness, looking at vitamin supplements etc.

(My daughter has diagnosed global anxiety disorder which resulted in a missed year of school and still recovering 5 years later after lots of input.)

Also, is there any Neuro Diversity as that can impact best approach too.

Check online use too.

My teen daughter is diagnosed with social anxiety. I would speak to the GP or school about referral for talking therapy (something like Mind or a local organisation). Referral times are long so if you can afford it you could look privately. Try the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy website https://www.bacp.co.uk. CAMHS are useless in my experience and won't touch anyone unless in crisis but worth speaking to your GP as it can vary by area. There is also a good book Starving the Anxiety Gremlin.

My DD was eventually diagnosed with autism and CAMHS wash their hands of ND children. Apparently they should just expect to have anxiety. However talking therapy can be helpful for some anxious young people. If she is getting very anxious about school I would recommend getting some early pastoral support - speak to your DD's Head of Year. Unfortunately my DD's school didn't support her well in the early stages and she now finds it very hard to attend. Many areas have Mental Health in Schools teams now (MHST) which are supposed to provide early intervention.

What's her life like overall?

School is overwhelming for a fair number of kids. It's an increasingly pressured environment and teachers can at times overemphasise the negative in their messaging in an (ill-advised) attempt to encourage kids to work/behave.

What does she do outside school that could support her mental health generally? The first easy thing you could do is to review and improve on the following areas, none of which have negatives for any human:
Good nutrition
Exercise
Time in nature
Positive hobbies
Relaxation
Screen-free time
Culture and art
Time with supportive friends and family

So a walk with you on a Saturday, through a park, then a fun film at home, would all be a way to help improve underlying stress.

Writing out or drawing out worries can be more helpful than trying to talk. Once done, you put it aside and do something else.