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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

I’m Exhausted

4 replies

shaddupayouface · 20/02/2025 23:02

DS (15) and diagnosed ASD is grinding me down. We’ve always had trouble getting him to complete homework and we have agreed with school that he only does what he can manage but this is usually nothing unless I can coax him to complete the simplest and quickest task. The school has been ramping up testing since Year 9, mainly so that the kids who are mostly on the spectrum or have some form of SEN are familiar with the process and know exactly what to expect in a timed exam. DS has become increasingly resistant to doing any tests despite having loads of access arrangements in place. He gets overly anxious because he feels he will fail (he regularly scores top in all subjects). Every night before bed I get the same conversation about why does he have to do tests, if they stop testing he won’t be worried anymore. We’ve gone over and over this time and time again but it just doesn’t register with him. I feel like it’s Groundhog Day. I’ve been supportive - that doesn’t work. Tonight I ended up shouting at him because I’m just exhausted with it all. I’ve taken away any demands and yet he worries then that he’s not doing enough revision, I can’t win. Now I feel like a right bitch for shouting at him.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 21/02/2025 07:19

You’re not a bitch.
The trouble with anxiety is that if you take away the current cause, they soon find another to stress about.

shaddupayouface · 21/02/2025 09:02

DustyLee123 · 21/02/2025 07:19

You’re not a bitch.
The trouble with anxiety is that if you take away the current cause, they soon find another to stress about.

Yes it’s a never ending cycle. I’ve woken up feeling like I can’t even be near him today because I know it’s going to be the same conversation. I know he can’t help it but I don’t think I can deal with it anymore. I’ve got an appointment tomorrow morning with a therapist who deals with neurodiverse kids so I’m hoping she can help him but we’ve gone down this road before and nothing seems to help. He gets annoyed with me because when I get upset he says I get defensive and he’s not saying it’s my fault he feels the way he does but as a parent I just want to make it better for him and it feels like nothing works so I’m the one who is a total failure.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 21/02/2025 09:30

What is hoping to do in the future? Can he see that there’s always going to be exams?
I personally wouldn’t push him to do any revision if he’s getting good grades any way, it’s not worth the fight and your sanity.

shaddupayouface · 21/02/2025 11:07

DustyLee123 · 21/02/2025 09:30

What is hoping to do in the future? Can he see that there’s always going to be exams?
I personally wouldn’t push him to do any revision if he’s getting good grades any way, it’s not worth the fight and your sanity.

We don’t push him to do anything outside school because it causes too much stress for us all but then he waits until the night before a test and starts getting emotional because he hasn’t done any revision and by that point it’s too late. I’ve tried setting him a loose revision timetable this half term as he has tests next week but he hasn’t looked at it and because we’re getting to the end of the break he’s started to panic. He wants to do A Levels and go to Uni but I’m not sure he could manage the workload because it will need work outside “school” hours to keep on top of things.

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