Teen being hurtful to his mum

[Peapod123]

Hi

This is quite long but I have left it that way as it may resonate with a few of us…and any help would be hugely appreciated please 🙏

I have a sixteen year old son I am having huge trouble with. Long story but he doesn't go to school, is nasty to me, disruptive at home (but not at school or anywhere else) and generally makes me feel very tense, upset and unwell.

I am a single mum and my other child is 12 (daughter and a really good girl). I work part time as a lawyer which is quite stressful in itself but I do enjoy the work and don’t want to give it up.

I have tried taking my son’s devices away to help him have a better bedtime routine in the hope it helps him get up for school. Every time I try this all hell breaks loose! He will keep me up at night and be really disruptive if I don’t let him have his devices or I turn the internet off. That’s fine for him as he doesn’t need to be up early! I am shattered and so is his younger sister. Sometimes I just need to let it go to keep the peace for my daughter and just so we can function the next day. I have been on a performance review at work as I can’t concentrate and focus due to the disrupted nights.

He promised to go to school if he had a bike saying it was easier so I bought him one (which I couldn’t actually afford). He still hasn’t been to school though. He went out on it this evening but forgot the lock. He left the bike hidden in a supermarket car park and I went and got it and brought it back home. He is mad at me for bringing his bike back and said we are done. He just doesn’t care about his belongings nor does he care about all the things I do for him. I want to take his bike away completely as he doesn’t look after it but I am too scared as he may retaliate. I would like to turn the internet off at night and say no to adding more data to
his phone but don’t know where that will lead. I have had the police out looking for him before when I have tried to discipline him but he has been mad at me for it and walked out.

He is desperate to go to
college where he has an offer provided he gets four grade 4 GCSE’s but he won’t accept any support or extra curricular help. He says he really wants to go to school but then he won’t get up to go! He is behind on coursework and the teachers are all trying to help.

I am at a complete loss as to know what to do now. The school have arranged meetings with him and his Dad and I, we have a family support worker on board and we have all tried to reason with him but nothing works. He doesn’t seem depressed just angry!

I really sympathise with your situation. I was in the same place a long time ago with one of my boys when he was around 15/16. He just didn’t want to make an effort and ended up passing his GCSEs but not getting the grades he needed for what he wanted to do. He was really disappointed but managed to get himself onto an apprenticeship and then went on to do a degree while working and is doing really well now. So, while it’s hard to hear now, it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t get those grades now. He’ll have to retake and spend more time studying, which is annoying but he must already be aware of that.

I do think teenagers have a difficult time, just when they’re growing up and (hopefully) becoming more independent, they have all those physical and mental changes going on, school pressures adding to the mix and it’s easy to see why they might want to just play games and sleep!

Believe me, you’re not alone. There’s no magic wand that’ll solve the problem, so all you can do is keep reasoning with him and staying firm when he crosses the line.

I've been struggling with my 17yr old ds really badly for a year now. I've somehow become his morning alarm clock as he just won't get up and then he gets angry at me for trying not to make him late.
This week he is on work experience, being picked up at 8 by a village heating engineer company. I was calling him at 7.45 that he should be ready,teeth brushed and brekfast but the chap came five minutes early and son rushed out without even going to the loo,glaring at me.
Son has sen but to be honest he can prioritise his mates and parties so I'm at the end of my tether.
Same happens on college days,gets up ten minutes before the bus. Says he now smokes weed to help with his emotions . I honestly feel like moving away 9r taking him to his dads,but that relationship is strained. Sorry I can't offer advice OP.