Frustrated with 19 Year Old DS

[Emmenelle]

My DS is 19, has failed two college courses and has for the past year been working part time at a shop, and he's driving me crazy.

There is absolutely no urgency to get a full time job and around his hours, he's basically nocturnal.

I've applied for jobs for him and yesterday he had an interview but he wouldn't go as he was unwell. To be fair, he did have a nasty cold but not nasty enough to stop him travelling miles today for football.

At the moment, I pay his (extortionate) monthly car insurance and I told him a few months back that come April, I won't be doing that. I'm also going to stop paying for his phone.

Please tell me your DS came out the other side of this a lovely, hardworking guy?!?

You can't apply for jobs on his behalf. That's wasting the employers time.
You could stop buying him food and cooking for him, and definitely don't pay for his phone or hobbies or anything.
Could he take more hours at his current job?
You say he's annoying you by being nocturnal, but is he actually disturbing your sleep? Many teens do keep bizarre hours.
Is he addicted to gaming? You could insist he contributes towards the WiFi, maybe then he'll try and work more?
It's a tricky one as you can't force him. I wonder if he might be depressed?

If he doesn’t get a full time job, or get up at a reasonable time, what would happen? At the moment I bet he doesn’t feel he needs to, as mum will look after him, pay his insurance, and he’s always got you to fall back on. It’s damn frustrating when all you are trying to do is support him and give him
a crutch to get him going again. Only I think he sees it as there being no rush as things are fine as they are.
so my advice would be to give him a little tough love. Get him to pay his way more.if he has more outgoings, then he needs to get more money, and therefore work more hours or find a new job. Maybe start with some money towards bills, and in 6 months he has to pay his own car insurance. Only if he is in full time education does he get more help, otherwise he is an adult now and therefore has to live like one.

So you pay for his phone and his ccat insurance. What else? Do you pay for the food and his bills and the roof over his head?
No wonder he works part time.

Our son is the same age, works almost full time and pays his own car insurance and fuel. He rent eat what I buy anyway so mine times out of ten splashes out on takeaway.