Daughter 15 lying and out of control ( TW SA )

[Viktoria47]

I am desperate for any words of support and guidance.

My 15 yo girl has been SA few months ago. It was a boy who she knew and who has done something similar before to a different girl. She was warned about him . He asked her for pictures countless times and was reported to school , warned by us, spoke to by the police. Yet she was so naive to meet him and it happened. Since then she is just out of control when it comes to boys. She is messaging multiple boys , all asking for the same. She has lied to me twice now and went to meet in isolated place with boys who don’t have good reputation. If I didn’t come in time I don’t know what would have happen . she just keeps on getting involved in unhealthy relationships (few at a time )
I am so so so heartbroken , I don’t know how to deal with this situations. How to help her
She lies to me and blames it on us being to strict . But we wouldn’t need to be if she wasn’t making this mistakes. She doesn’t understand the dangers or how bad it is what she does.

. Just to add ,we are a religious and you would say an old fashioned family and since our kids were little we tried insisting good morals , self respect etc.

She goes to several spots classes to build her self esteem . She has all my available time. She has everyone’s support but she pushes us all away. She is refusing therapy.

Please advise how to help my daughter.

Stop blaming her for a start.

She is not blaming her DD, rather describing reckless behaviour.
Op, does she have any ASD? As far as i know some conditions like ADHD bring risk seeking behaviour.

Blaming her for what ? I am just describing my daughter’s behaviour. I am not blaming her for the SA , never did. But she is lying to us, she is ignoring our advice, our warnings. . She in a way choses to put herself into risky situations. If a boy who has very bad reputation and has done bad things is telling her to meet him in an isolated place and strictly 1 to 1 and I warn her , I tell how how dangerous this can go , tell her not to meet him or speak to him and she still lies to me and goes to meet him how can I not get upset with her ? Believe me I love my daughter so much and my life revolves around her . I support her , school supports her , so does her brother and father but she just behaves like she cares about none even herself.

@TheHazelCritic she has suspected ADHD but no diagnosis , school say she can get all the support without the official diagnosis.

Has she had any counselling for the SA? She is most probably traumatised. Sounds to me like she is self-sabotaging.

How is she communicating with these boys. How is she meeting them?
She is clearly telling you she is, but why? Attention? Self harm?

Look for another cause.

She has not had counselling. She refused.
She is communicating via social media.
She had phone taken several times , it doesn’t not teach her anything . She was without a phone for a week , had it back 2 days and here we are again. When she has no phone she still manages to access SM . via friends etc. I’m just so fed up and heartbroken. For her , for me , for our family.

And she is not telling me any of this things . I check her phone. She knows I do but doesn’t know that I know how to access ‘locked chats ‘

This is so sad, I wish I could help. I have a similar experience ,you are welcome to pm me.
Those saying behaviour must be because of the SA, seems to me it was already there wasn't it? Ignoring warnings and putting herself in harms way.

Could you take her phone away indefinitely? She can still access some but at least will be safe when not in school or with friends, might help reconnect as a family when u are together?
She won't like it but I would ,before she turns 16/17 and you have much less decisional power.
In the UK if a over 16 runs away police won't bring her back unless the child herself wants to. It's stupid.

Hi, we have been where you are now. Our dd had also many risky behaviours and has at 17 been diagnosed with ADHD. She was sexually assaulted by a boy she knew when she was younger and yes it is a fact that this in young girls can lead to other v risky behaviour. I have done much research on this due to circumstances but the ADHD also make a bad mix for risky behaviours. i am sorry you are in this situation- we have been on a long road and i cannot offer much advice except keep doing your best to advise and hope that part of her is listening. Speak to social services they can be v helpful