DD first period

[BM111]

Hello. I’m a father of a 14 year old daughter. Been informed that my daughter just had her first period this week. I’ll be seeing her next week and wanted to ask your advice about what I should say to her. For all mums out there, is there anything you wish your fathers had said to you at that time, or is it better not to say anything?! Any advice/comments/feedback gratefully received. Thank you.

Ask her mum what her reaction was first.

You don't want to embarrass her if she was sensitive, but also don't want to pussy-foot around if she was completely blase about it.

Then either ask her what stuff she'd like you to get in just in case for her, or just buy some and leave in her room.

I'd also get a big bar of her favourite treat as well.

I probably wouldn't say anything, but would put a pack of sanitary towels in the bathroom and make sure you have a bin with a lid.
Acknowledge it without saying anything as such.

I would ask her mum on how you should play it.

Please don’t say anything to her! There’s no need. If you have any concerns ask her mum/sister/your sister to check with her. I would have died a thousands deaths if my father had mentioned my first period. That was in the 90’s though!
Put some supplies in the bathroom cupboard.

I would just say that mum told you - there's pads, snacks and bags in the cupboard when she needs them. If she wants to tell you more, or ask you to get a particular pad etc, she can. (I'd start with a pack of panty liners and a pack of small pads.) Also have some sugary snacks like chocolate and coke. I get much hungrier on my period, and sometimes suddenly need sugar!

I absolutely disagree with those who seem to think this is only a 'women' conversation. Periods shouldn't be taboo. Don't make her hide them. They are not something to be suffered in silence. My daughter started about a year ago. My husband checks in on her, she tells him if she's having cramps, he would go out and buy supplies if needed. They are a part of her life.

If she chooses to use period pants, which are more popular now, you may have to take on washing responsibilities.

Nooooo. Don't say a word. Ask your ex what protection she is using (pads, period knickers, whatever) - get the EXACT name and size of what worked this month and get that too and just tell your daughter that you have bought her some things she might need, and that they are in X drawer in her bedroom, along with paracetamol etc. And stash some treats in there too that you know she likes. Bin with a lid on it in the bathroom or a covered box/bin/tub or whatever for period knickers - your ex will tell you how she wants to handle those, if that's the way your daughter wants to go (30 mins in the the washing machine on their own, then in with a normal dark wash).

Then just keep an eye on the drawer and replenish as needed without saying anything. If you even say the word period, she might spontaneously combust (or she might not care!).

My younger dd started hers recently and I am strictly forbidden to bring it up myself, but occasionally she has Questions. Older is quite casual about it.

The important thing is that she chooses when and how to engage

It's a conversation about a teenagers body, the teenager needs to be the one to decide who to have those conversations with.

It's not a woman thing, it's a comfort thing.

My parents separated when I was very young. I remember my father acknowledging it when I went to visit him, despite it being well out of his comfort zone. I couldn’t believe my mother had told him but think that demonstrates that they worked together when it involved the children. I think it would be nice to acknowledge, even if it’s awkward for both sides.

Don’t say anything but set your house up. Products and small bins with lids in her bedroom and bathroom, some chocolate and give her £20 extra. I bought my DD a cute bracelet but she wasn’t bothered by it tbh.

if you know the date she started her period then set yourself a reminder, for the week before and due date.

I'm a bit surprised that so many people are so dead against a father acknowledging that his teenager has periods. This was never a problem in our house when I was growing up, and I speak as someone who started their periods in 1987. My dad used to get sent off to the shop to buy pads and tampons for us and he was aware that we had period pains and so on. But I guess it really depends on different family dynamics.

I would maybe ask your ex what supplies your daughter prefers and then make sure you have some in the bathroom cabinet for her in case she needs them. If you generally have the kind of relationship where she'll talk about anything with you, then you could ask her if there's anything she needs and maybe just ask her how she's feeling... just in case she has cramps or anything like that and might need a bit of TLC.

You sound like a very nice dad.

You sound like a very caring dad.
No need to mention it until she does. Perhaps have a stash of sanitary stuff to keep at your house if she stays with you (get a female friend or relative to help you know what to get).

@YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun

Sorry, not getting my point across well, I agree it's for the daughter to lead but not a taboo subject that the Dad can't be involved in.

My parents were split so at my dad's he would buy my period stuff. I think its absolutely normal to discuss with her. I also think its easier if you bring it up rather than her have to. It's not something to be anymore embarrassed of than her asking you to buy shampoo.

I'd ask mum what products to buy and then just pop some in the bathroom and show her where they are. Then say if she ever needs anything your happy to go and get it, even if it's the middle of the night etc. Not to worry if there's any leaks on the sheets. Maybe also say if she doesn't want to ask she can always just text you a screenshot of stuff she needs- if she's particularly shy about it.

I disagree, it can be really hard to start those conversations especially as a teenager. I think its the dad's place to open the door to the conversation and then she can choose to walk through it.

It's her dad, not some random man.

Ah, I always remember my dad giving me a cuddle and telling me even though I was growing up I'd always be his little girl!

Nothing. Just make sure she has what she needs in her bedroom.

Absolutely do not say anything!

It's a weird thing to talk to your dad about. She'll probably be mortified! Teenage girls embarrass so easily.

FFS why would you even consider bringing this up? It’s personal and not something you should have even been told.

I think it's worth having a quick but supportive word because leaks on bedding and clothing are common (or were for me, anyway) and at my dad's house, I wouldn't have known how to deal with that. I'd have appreciated reassurance.

Say absolutely nothing. Ensure there are pads/tampons available or that she has money to buy some.

Ensure a lined bin in the bathroom.

Thats it.

Have some pads in the bathroom plus a little bin if there isn’t one there already. Ask her mum which pads she’s using so she can have the right ones.

So I can speak from a different angle, I was brought up by my father who was a single parent, so actually not only was he the first to know when I started my period but he was the person who I spoke to about it every month and stocked up on all my supplies! So now it's the most normal thing in the world when I talk to him about it and I think that's a really great dynamic between a dad and daughter.

Please can I just suggest that you casually say something like, "ah I hear you've started your period, we'll have to make sure we stock up on everything you need so feel free to give me a list or I can give you some cash to pick up whatever you need. I hear hot water bottles/chocolate/xyz always helps as well so we'll keep everything in this drawer/cupboard and you can help yourself to whatever you need."

Conversations like this between dads and daughters need to be normalised and tiptoeing around the subject prevents this from happening. Yes the first time you have this conversation it might feel a bit alien but wait and see, it becomes easier and more normal everytime

He will be acknowledging it by buying her period products.

What conversation do you think he needs to start with his teenage daughter who may not be willing?

This is about her and her body, not her dad and his feelings. If she's comfortable she will talk if she needs to.