Is it just me?

[ElizaDoLittle7]

ive been divorced for 7 years now and I’ve brought up our 18 yr old son by myself since he was 10, ex left and didn’t/couldn’t support financially so I had to take on 3 jobs to make ends meet. He still saw his dad albeit his dad has been more chaotic and had mental health issues he has a decent relationship with him and they have their love of football to unite them. I’m soon to sell the house as DS is 18 and almost ready for uni, we will be going our separate ways soon as I am relocating as I can’t afford to stay in the area I brought him up and my partner lives in the south, so it’s all change for us all. I’ve always had a great relationship with him and we do have a laugh at times. Is it normal that I feel sad and discarded/unliked when he goes to watch football with his dad, goes and hangs out with my parents, but barely spends any time with me at all when we are actually home at the same time? I’m not a needy person but I feel like I’m becoming one! I think I’m so worried that when I leave I will not have got things right and he feels he can’t talk to me. Is this a normal thing between mums and sons? I never used to talk to my mum as a teen, but I talked to my dad. I also spent loads of time with my grandparents…maybe it’s a generational thing? I think I’m overthinking as I tend to do, but I can’t help feeling so lonely and there’s two of us in the house. Maybe it’s just time for us to move on I don’t know, I’ve never been here before, I just don’t know how to navigate it as I don’t want to push him away. Dont get me wrong he is caring and does talk occasionally, but I still just feel like a housemaid to him sometimes!

As you have described it's all change not just for you but him too.

Although you are moving ,will your son have a home to come back to wherever you move? And have you asked him to be involved in looking for a new place with you to move into? It may help you both and it will be bonding for you both. If you are doing this it will give you both reassurance , talk with each other.

Your relationship seems pretty typical of a parent child relationship at his age. Your son takes you for granted, and unless you share specific hobbies together, like the football he has with his dad, there is little reason for loads of conversations, and you both seem to have a good relationship. My kids behave similarly, they are 16, 20 and 23. I meet up and take them out for lunch or tea, my daughter likes going to charity shops, my son loves book shops, that's what we do when meet up and catch up. When they are at home they do their own thing. And yes, whilst they do help out around the house I wouldn't say they always do their share!

Be kind to yourself! you are facing big changes, and good luck

I feel like the wording you've used here is a bit off.

Going your separate ways? Do you mean he's on his own now? He won't have anywhere to go back to during his uni years if he needs to?

Maybe, if thats the way you've communicated this move to him, is it that he feels like you're leaving him now?
And so has gone further towards his father and grandparents. I think he really needs to know you are there for him and he can still rely on you.

Otherwise I'd say that your relationship with him is pretty typical given his age. You need something in common with them or to do the things they like otherwise they will find what they need in other relatives or friends they can relate to better.

You will never go your separate ways. He will still need you and want you but it does shift and change as both his life and yours change. 2 ds here and ds24 is now ringing about buying houses and support around that, he lives far away so we try and meet in the middle etc. make sure he knows he has a home and a room with you wherever you go and make an effort that be part of his life.

Parenting teens can be tough! You're not alone in feeling this way. fall guys online

People you can be silent with are those you trust deeply. He's your boy and you're his mummy, mums are care givers although now it feels like you're his servant, it's just what he is used to at home, he will recognise your role as he gets older .

I would say to him, it's exciting you're going to university but it's also making me feel a bit nervous, I'm going to miss you.

Going your separate ways??? WTF does that mean? He’s your 18 year old child… please tell me you are involving him in looking for your new home which will also be his whenever he needs it?