Advice needed

[Mumofteens01]

First time posting am at my wits end.
16yr old son has not been himself last few days coming home from school getting straight in bed. He's panicking in case he's used an offensive term on social media and has gone back and kept checking all his messages. He's deleted all social media and not really engaging with anyone on his phone. I also heard him crying in the bathroom this morning. I've found out that there is a boy a school pushing him around a bit but my son doesn't want me to contact school. I've managed to speak to a counsellor and have got him an appointment next week. I literally don't know what to do to support him. Has anyone else gone through anything like this with their teens?
Thanks

May be an intrusive thought. This website explains it and has good tips for parents

https://www.katielear.com/child-therapy-blog/2021/8/10/how-to-help-a-child-with-intrusive-thoughts

also I’d just chat to him and listen to what’s going on and show him some empathy like you’ve been doing. Poor chap clearly stressed out. Good that you’re able to see a counsellor too.

Yes, intrusive thought ??
rationally knows he hasn’t, but can’t stop worrying that he might have ??

I know it's very hard. But he's talking to you, you have the counsellor organised, just keep doing that. Are there things he likes as a treat, pizza, etc? Things like that don't solve the problem but they can give a little break, pizza and some silly tv together.

I would be a lot more worried about genuine harmful activity online than an intrustive thought.

Has someone threatened him they are sharing something he posted/ intimate details? has he been mocked/ buillied/ in any way harassed online?

I always found a trip in the car helped DS open up about what was worrying him. Social media is a minefield and something, that as parents, we have little experience. My DS laughs at me because I type messages as I would chat or write, but I find shorthand can be misunderstood. Just a random autocorrect can totally change a post or message.
Because we have less experience of social media we often don’t understand. And as for social interaction, it changes with every generation.
Maybe ask him to explain why he thinks he’s messed up rather than what he’s actually done. The facts may not make sense to you but the context may be easier to understand.

DS once saved a girl from drowning in a hot tub. She passed out while they were chatting but because they were in there own no one witnessed her passing out. The two girls who appeared while he was manhandling her to stop her drowning misread the situation. DS received a lot of stick over it. He was embarrassed and humiliated but I asked him if he would rather have let the girl drown or have the hassle afterwards. Much better to be labelled a sex pest for a couple of days than having to live with the guilt of letting someone drown.

Sometimes you just need to be there to offer the bigger picture. They are incapable of looking outside of the now at that age.

Whatever you do, don’t pile in if you are upset with what he has done. You can deal with that later. Just make sure he has learned from his actions.

It sounds like he may have said something online that he now regrets or that he shouldn't have. Can you walk with him somewhere or drive like a pp said? He may open up. It's important he gets to express what he thinks he's done and see what could be done to make amends. Or it could be that he's being bullied and someone has convinced him he did something that he didn't? Either way he'll be feeling really vulnerable and I would advise keeping a close eye on him and letting him know you are there for him whatever it was

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm not putting any pressure on him but checking in with him letting him know that we are here for him. I do worry that he may have said something online and is now worried but have made it clear we are here to support him and help him through this. I've made it very clear to hubby not to get angry with him that the main thing is that we will help him through whatever it is. Have got him an apt with Counsellor on Monday. Thank you