Options for miserable teenager

[BeBabes]

My daughter is in lower sixth at massive college and she absolutely hates it. Her mental health is really suffering and it is very difficult to get her to go into college at all. Academically, she is doing well bizarrely and likes her chosen subjects. However, the college seems to be just too busy, and a big change from her secondary school. We thought she would have more options in a larger setting but it hasn’t worked out that way. She has made some friends but not to the point she is comfortable and can relax, and so dreads going in every day. Of course, the less you go in, the more difficult it is and the more isolated you become; catch 22. We don’t force her to attend but another year and a half of this torture is getting us all down. She does eventually want to go to uni and the academic study there would suit her - but how to get her safely to that point? The college are trying their best and she has a counsellor but her mental state is definitely compromised at this point. Any suggestions or anyone in a similar position?

My DD hated the first few weeks at her new 6th form college

No friends in her classes, all her friends had different break times etc

But after a few weeks she made new friends through the people she sat next to or slowly go to know through her classes

But yes she does have to go in and it does fall into place after a while

A levels at home? Part time job to get her out?
I think it can be so hard to settle into these large places with all the reassurance of secondary gone. Is it going to get better now she is nearly half way through year 12?
Maybe at least she could have a back up plan so she knows there is a way out.

My son is like this. He’s so miserable and it’s stressing me out too. He isn’t doing any work and is disruptive now, he’s never been like this!
I think getting a job would be amazing for your daughter, broaden her circle a bit. I had a super shy older one and working in a pub gave her so much confidence!
i stuck like you on school.

Let her drop out and start again somewhere else next year.

I am not convinced that larger colleges sixth or fe are good for many students. Too much freedom all of a sudden, staff they don't know at what is a difficult stage. I think the idea of a stepping stone would be fine but it isn't it as at many the support is not really support.

The option would be to move her quickly to a smaller setting?

I wouldn't hesitate if she's that miserable, battling through 18 months isn't an option and will be pretty damaging.

I'm a big advocate for "just get on with it" but if you are saying her mental heath is declining noticeably then I'd step in asap.

It's early days. They're all finding friends I should imagine she's not alone and it'll happen naturally.

I knew someone who quit college and went back to their school sixth form. Is that an option.

I so agree with this. It's almost like the kids who need the structure of school most (the ones who have done less well in their GCSEs, still grasping independent learning) end up in these massive centres where they may sink or swim, whereas the motivated and organised ones who would probably manage ok in that sort of setting remain in the safe structure of school. I do wish there was more acknowledgment of these issues post 16.

What is considered a massive college? How many pupils attend her college?

A friend's daughter did this, but it was v early in the first term. I doubt it's an option at almost halfway through Y12. it's always worth asking OP.

I had a similar experience and hated it but am so glad I got through it and went to uni. I'd just try to make things in your/her control as pleasant as possible - eg mine was a 45 min walk away, I wish I'd cycled there for the endorphin boost; I struggled to pick an outift every day, i wish I'd had like a standard 'uniform' to take the decision-making out of it. It's such a difficult stage of life. Do nice things with her at the weekend, schedule fun things to look forward to.

She can leave and start again at a different place next September.
Take a break then get a job or do some volunteering between now and September.
Or she could look at apprenticeships either for September or some start throughout the year.

I suppose the obvious question is what does she want to do?

She has options - she could drop out now, find a job for the next 6 months and start afresh in September somewhere different.

You could try to move her now if her A Level options are fairly standard and might fit into another school/college without too much catching up.

She could just get her head down where she is and see it as a means to an end. Maybe look at a p/t job or hobbies to broaden her circle of friends.

She could start looking for a 16+ apprenticeship - maybe stay put until she finds something.

I guess the option that doesn't work is staying where she is, not attending, declining mental health and then effectively 'failing' two years.

Good luck to her, it's a tough time.

Thank you for all your messages - lots of good advice! Just to answer, the college she attends is 5,000 pupils so very large.
We are looking at trying to move her to a smaller college but not sure if it’s too late for this year. Fingers crossed we can though as this option has at least given her (and us) a flicker of hope!