Am I alone?

[SecretlyScared]

I’m a regular mumsnet commenter, but rarely post. Name changd for this.

My DS is nearly 16. He has ADHD and autumnbut refuses I take his ADHD medication. He had a horrible school placement that broke down in year 10, and he left in year 11 for alternative placement. He was relentlessly bullied at school by the head and the deputy head for not being able to follow the ridiculously strict rules - he didn’t do it on purpose, He just couldn’t cope with the absolutely ridiculously strict school (Mikayla style education) (.he was fine at the school to begin with as it was a nurturing school then there was an overhaul of staff and a new regime that can only be described as military). Since the middle of year 10 when things were becoming difficult at school he has become more aggressive at homes we are not allowed in his bedroom, He breaks stuff in a rage - doors mostly, but he did smash one of my windows too. He is awake all night and attempts to sleep all day and gets angry when we try to wake him for school. He thinks he is going to smash his GCSE’s and easily get a place at college, but he didn’t even go to the last college interview and he hasn’t asked his new school for a reference yet.
He is under a psychologist as we know he has severe school related trauma but is refusing to engage and just walks out of the appointments.

Today we were told that we are now being referred to the safeguarding team and social services because he is verbally abusive towards me.

i feel like I have lost him now. We were so close until he was 14. He was a good student, he enjoyed talking to me in the car. He would go to football and rugby matches with his dad and we would regularly pack up the car and head to the beach together. He is so angry and he won’t let anyone help him.
I don’t know what I want from this post, but I guess feeling a little less alone would be something.

Has anyone else’s teen turned it around?

I have no advice,just letting you know you're not alone.
I feel I've had the worse six months trying to support my 17 year old ds with his smoking weed,drinking,breaking things,yelling at me,lack of motivation or excitement at anything.
I rang the dr and left a pleading message for an autistic group in my county,managed to get son to see dr( he thought he would be judged so had to really think of ways to get him there). No medication but another appointment booked just to check in.
I cancelled his weekly driving lessons as that seemed to stress him out and he works one less shift at his pot washing job so basically less on his shoulders. He has calmed down the last few weeks. I'm so hoping it lasts.
Hopemthings settle for you and your son.

Thank you for taking the time to get back to me. I ended up calling the police on him this morning. He smashed my bedroom door right off the hinges and split the door frame. He then threw a full glass of water at me (gas’s as well) and a tv remote control, he then walked out after I called the police. He’s been gone 6 hours and just text me to pick him up with a half-arsed apology..
im so scared for his future. I don’t want him ending up in prison.

Hello,

I created a profile just to let you know that you’re not alone. I could have written this myself.

My boy was the sweetest kid. Loved fishing, camping, absolutely adored football (league) - now he is more interested in girls, vaping, weed and parties. He is aggressive, to the point I don’t feel safe leaving his sisters at home with him.

Tonight he told his dad, “I’ll smash your f%#+ing face in”. Last weekend he completely ripped a door off his hinges and punched it into pieces. I have holes in my walls from him punching spots. He has pushed me over a few times causing large bruises. He stole my car and caused almost $11,000 in damage. He sneaks out a night time.

When ever I approach him or try to confront him for his behaviour he says, “so”, “I don’t give a f?!&”, “you can’t do anything about it”. Absolutely refuses to listen.

I have no one to talk to. Those few people who know my life seem to now thrive on the “juicy gossip”. Constantly asking me for updates, almost like they’re addicted to to drama that’s my life. It’s exhausting, all they want to talk about is how shit my life is. So now I shut my mouth and pretend everything is okay. That’s how I ended up finding your thread…. Googling, trying to find someone to talk to who’s not just in it for the drama and gossip, but who is going through something similar.

I’m exhausted. I cry myself to sleep. My mental health is not okay. So no, you are not alone. :(

Can I just say to you op and the other poster- I also could have written your post- violence , social services involvement and drug abusive , adhd , much due to servere teen trauma but things are turning around- late teens now and getting better. Has an understanding of what happened to us as a family was awful - but it was a form of communication, a poor one but it was a form of communicating the trauma they were going through
i did think we would not survive as a family but slowly and surely things are getting a lot better- getting more mature helps . Wishing you the best