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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

15 Yr old lonely

27 replies

Ksjs3 · 21/01/2025 19:05

Hi all.

My 15 Yr old boy is lonely. He did have a group of friends in his year at one point but for whatever reason they decided he wasn't part of their group anymore and dropped him. He now has one friend who is a couple of years below him (he's Yr 11 and his friend is Yr 9) and this is the only friend he now has. He recently took up martial arts so I'm hoping with time this will help but i don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Tulipvase · 21/01/2025 19:09

It is really hard. Is he planning on staying on for sixth form or going elsewhere where? A change could be beneficial.

Would he consider something like scouts or similar? They often have weekend trips/camps.

Travelban · 22/01/2025 09:19

We have similar but a year older. Also doing martial arts! I gave him the option to move schools but he is settled where he is and has people he talks to at school, so he didn't want to move.

It breaks my heart because his siblings have a great social life and always have friends round but he is always on his own. Never gets invited to anything or invited anyone. It's really hard to watch and hard to fix as well, so I feel for you.

DGPP · 22/01/2025 09:21

Watching as we have the same but with a 13yo. It’s so painful to watch

Bedecked · 22/01/2025 09:31

Cadets (military or St John’s ambulance), scouts, yes martial arts and find a gym with a social element, where everyone’s dead into it (smaller usually). Good luck to him. Agree a change for y12 a good idea.

Bedecked · 22/01/2025 09:32

(By gym I mean dojo)

Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 09:38

Tulipvase · 21/01/2025 19:09

It is really hard. Is he planning on staying on for sixth form or going elsewhere where? A change could be beneficial.

Would he consider something like scouts or similar? They often have weekend trips/camps.

He's going to college to do construction skills so I'm hoping that will help. My heart breaks for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 09:39

Travelban · 22/01/2025 09:19

We have similar but a year older. Also doing martial arts! I gave him the option to move schools but he is settled where he is and has people he talks to at school, so he didn't want to move.

It breaks my heart because his siblings have a great social life and always have friends round but he is always on his own. Never gets invited to anything or invited anyone. It's really hard to watch and hard to fix as well, so I feel for you.

It's awful watching and not being able to do anything.

OP posts:
Travelban · 22/01/2025 09:49

It really is. I keep asking whether he wants to invite people but I think he is stuck now and always says no. It's like he has given up....

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 22/01/2025 09:54

How long until he is 16? It will be easier for him to get a Saturday job then. Can meet a bunch of new people outside of the very artificial school environment.

Satisfactionguaranteed · 22/01/2025 09:58

School can be the absolute pits OP. He'll be onward and upwards when he leaves. Martial arts is a great shout. Sports and volunteering will help him to meet like-minded friends, but most importantly will keep him physically fit, occupied, and help his self-esteem which has to come first and foremost. Friends will naturally follow with time.

LittleMonks11 · 22/01/2025 09:59

Would he consider cadets?

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 22/01/2025 10:28

Same here. He did martial arts until COVID, scouts, gym but his group of friends dropped him. There's one particular child keeps drawing him in then dropping him again. He's intent on staying there for 6th form even though I think moving would be better. He seems happy enough but it's heartbreaking for me.

Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:14

Travelban · 22/01/2025 09:49

It really is. I keep asking whether he wants to invite people but I think he is stuck now and always says no. It's like he has given up....

Where do you guys live? X

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:17

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 22/01/2025 09:54

How long until he is 16? It will be easier for him to get a Saturday job then. Can meet a bunch of new people outside of the very artificial school environment.

Not until end of July so a little while yet

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:18

Satisfactionguaranteed · 22/01/2025 09:58

School can be the absolute pits OP. He'll be onward and upwards when he leaves. Martial arts is a great shout. Sports and volunteering will help him to meet like-minded friends, but most importantly will keep him physically fit, occupied, and help his self-esteem which has to come first and foremost. Friends will naturally follow with time.

I hope you're right. He's enjoying the classes so he just needs to start opening up

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:18

LittleMonks11 · 22/01/2025 09:59

Would he consider cadets?

He tried army cadets a couple of years ago but it wasn't for him

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:20

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 22/01/2025 10:28

Same here. He did martial arts until COVID, scouts, gym but his group of friends dropped him. There's one particular child keeps drawing him in then dropping him again. He's intent on staying there for 6th form even though I think moving would be better. He seems happy enough but it's heartbreaking for me.

Those pick em up and chuck em down friends are even worse than none at all... its such false hope and very "you're the last resort"

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 22/01/2025 12:22

OP, you aren't the only one. I have a 16yo boy who lost his friendship group when they left school at 16 to go to college and he stayed into 6th form.

I'm struggling to get him to join other activities. He doesn't know where to start and although he does martial arts and has two friends there, it doesn't convert into anything outside of classes.

It's difficult. And not uncommon.

Travelban · 22/01/2025 12:30

Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:18

He tried army cadets a couple of years ago but it wasn't for him

Show quote history

They are very similar... DS2 also tried army cadets but wasn't for him... !!

Travelban · 22/01/2025 12:32

Meadowfinch · 22/01/2025 12:22

OP, you aren't the only one. I have a 16yo boy who lost his friendship group when they left school at 16 to go to college and he stayed into 6th form.

I'm struggling to get him to join other activities. He doesn't know where to start and although he does martial arts and has two friends there, it doesn't convert into anything outside of classes.

It's difficult. And not uncommon.

I am sorry to hear this but also elated that we are not in a unique position. I tell myself that it's less than 2 years now until they finish school and maybe uni will be different!

MemorableTrenchcoat · 22/01/2025 12:37

My friend’s son was like this. He was a fairly pleasant lad, but not really his peers’ cup of tea, all the way through school. Eventually he just gave up trying. He’s in his 40s now, and just keeps himself to himself.

Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:44

Meadowfinch · 22/01/2025 12:22

OP, you aren't the only one. I have a 16yo boy who lost his friendship group when they left school at 16 to go to college and he stayed into 6th form.

I'm struggling to get him to join other activities. He doesn't know where to start and although he does martial arts and has two friends there, it doesn't convert into anything outside of classes.

It's difficult. And not uncommon.

I'm hoping college will be the making of him and he'll find new friends. It's so hard isn't it, I don't about you but I didn't have many friendships when I was young and I remember how awful it felt and it makes it even sadder that I fully relate to him x

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:45

MemorableTrenchcoat · 22/01/2025 12:37

My friend’s son was like this. He was a fairly pleasant lad, but not really his peers’ cup of tea, all the way through school. Eventually he just gave up trying. He’s in his 40s now, and just keeps himself to himself.

Is he happy to be on his own?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:47

Travelban · 22/01/2025 12:30

They are very similar... DS2 also tried army cadets but wasn't for him... !!

Show quote history

My daughter took to it like a duck to water but my boy couldn't get into it. I think part of it was he couldn't make friends there and felt like an outsider. He's made to feel like a weirdo because his only friend is younger than him and it makes me so angry that the very people who ostracised him now make him feel shit about the only person that is his friend.

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 22/01/2025 13:55

Ksjs3 · 22/01/2025 12:45

Is he happy to be on his own?

Show quote history

I get the impression that he enjoys his own company, but he’s quite closed-off. I know my friend is sad that so much of life seems to have passed him by.