DD and social media

[FallenFigs]

I’m sure there are millions of threads about this, but am at my wits end and in search of advice.

DD (16) spends a lot of time on social media and it’s causing an issue. She has phone limits but the tech isn’t brilliant, or she’s figured out to hack it. She follows accounts relating to a sporting interest. I’m not concerned about harmful content but I am concerned about a) the time she spends on it and b) her behaviour/habits around it.

I would say it’s verging on addictive behaviour. She often says she is going to do homework and then spends most of the time on social media. She did poorly in her mock compared to her potential. I am sure this is because she spent ‘revision time’ on social media

my issue is how to handle this with her. It causes conflict, she lies about it and I spend a lot of my time trying to entice her off it. And, I am concerned about its impact on her health and wellbeing.

others have said, take the limits off and leave her to it. But I would imagine this will be even worse as she has already shown she can’t self-regulate.

I really need tactics that are firm but fair. And effective! Should say, I am a single parent and when she is at her dad’s it is a complete free-for-all.

It seems to me that at her age and in the absence of any safeguarding concerns there's not much you can do without her agreement and engagement. But I also see that the next few months are crucial so I appreciate your need to try to do something.
I think perhaps talk about the next few months in a very general way. How does she see her revision plan? How will diet, exercise and rest feed into that? What things will cause a barrier to her revision (and there's your 'in') and what can be done to alleviate those barriers.

If she says something like 'I want to revise from 6-9pm but you want me to do the washing up at 6.30'
Then your response is 'ok, I can take the washing up from you but in return I need to know that you are making the most of the time so I would ask you to leave your phone downstairs during revision time and use physical revision materials'.

Try to encourage actual revision books, flash cards etc with limited use of online revision aids, even though this may cost and clutter up the house. Look out some sort of music player that doesn't rely on the internet - one of my dc said she couldn't revise in silence. I gave her my old battery radio!

@rightoguvnor What would you say is a safeguarding concern around phones and what would you to do? I am worried about DD but mostly because i havw no visibility and am paranoid and anxious.

A safeguarding concern (to me) would be accessing inappropriate or dangerous content, exchanging nudes, having contact with people who pose a risk…

I wouldn’t expect a 16 year old to have phone limits, and they’re clearly not working, so I would be looking to remove them and treat it in an adult and sensible way.

The key thing here is her studying and revision. Discuss with her how she’s getting on and whether she needs any support. You say you are sure her results were due to social media, but it may be that she is struggling to understand the content or isn’t sure on effective revision methods.

@TreeSquirrel i think she’s proved she can’t self regulate tho.

Mocks significantly lower than forecast grades. When I checked a laptop she had,
she’d spent a whole day in SM. And had told me she’d been revising. So I feel there’s a reasonable link. She has form of lying about it, which is obviously unhelpful.

She has paper revision books and various other paper resources and has had them for the mocks.

You have suggested I approach it in an adult and sensible way. Do you have any suggestions on tactics?

Exactly... this is why i put restrictions on dd 14's social media use and also got her apps that don't have communication between users like weareluna

I'm not saying you should do this. But I remember once that a family member once confiscated his 19Yo step daughter's smart phone and hid it. Gave her a brick phone..he also changed the settings/code on the family laptop that banned access to any and all social media.