Holidays... they don't want to go on one...

[ChristmasLightsLover]

DS1 is about to turn 18 and DS2 will be 17 in the summer. We've done Mark Warner and Neilson holidays for years.

This year they've said they don't want to go. At what point do your teens get to say "no thank you" to the family holiday? And what did you do about it? I'm so sad. I look forward to them so much. We love being with them both. It's not perfect - as they get older there's more sleeping in and they drink and go out later. But there's still good moments of togetherness and making memories.

Do we just accept it for now? And hope they will want to go with us again in the future? Or do we book and force them, as best we can, to go with us?

I don't want to drip feed, but we are all
Neurodiverse in different ways and change - going on holiday - can be hard. But we've made it work so many times, and I'm sad to think we may have had our last one.

You can’t force an 18 year old adult to go!

What about suggesting a city break? We now do this with my two adult kids.

Is it the type of holiday that's the issue for them, or going on holiday full stop? Would they be more interested in a different kind of trip?

We have the same issue this year. We've decided to do 2 city breaks this year instead. They get to choose the city

If they really don't want to go then you can't force it. Maybe try a different kind of holiday?
A cruise - this worked well when our DC were 17/19.
City break
A shorter UK holiday

Ask them what they'd like to do maybe? An amazing long weekend in New York instead of a week in Europe?

I don't think you can force them and you should make it seem like you'd love their company but it's absolutely fine if they don't go.

I'm nearly at this stage... dreading it.

How do you envisage being able to force an 18 year old and a 17 year old to go on holiday?

I bet if you offered to take them to New York they’d go. But seriously, do a short city break with them and then take a more relaxing holiday with DH. I stopped going on holiday with my parents in my late teens but then started up again 12 to 15 years later

We’re not making 17 year old DC go ok holiday this year; although I suspect they’d like the city break idea so I may suggest that at some point

Hmm my teens wouldn't entertain that type of holiday....we did Rhodes last year and that went down well as we were on the centre of town before going island hopping!!!

I was that teen and turned down a trip to America with my parents when I was 18! Boy, do I regret that now. I never went on holiday with them again until I was 40.

The last family holiday I went in I think I was 12, though that was because we had no money for holidays for a long time after that. Tbh I don't really have great memories of any of them even when i was younger. I'd have been amazed if my parents tried to get me to go with them at 18.

Agree with others to talk through what the issue is, but you may have to embrace a new era. Time to plan trips with your partner. It might be that things change again in the future, especially wuth grandchildren...

I refused to go on holiday as a 17 year old. Parents were fine with it (pre mobile phones too)

I might have been persuaded if it was a holiday I wanted to do. Have you asked them if they’d go away with you if you changed the destination/ activity (within reason obviously!)

You can’t make an 18yo go on holiday with you I don’t think

DC’s will be 19 and 17 this summer and still want to come on our family holiday. DD’s words last year were “why would I turn down a free holiday?!”

Don't be sad, be glad for them, and I promise you, they will be back !
It is great if they want to go with friends, it is also fine if they want to dip out altogether and concentrate on other things. They are at that age, Some come back with terrible tales (because let's face it, however well you prepare them, they have challenges when away for the first time without parents). It is weird going away without them, but also nice in its own way, and yeah, there are times when I still miss them. We didn't plan too much the first year, because we were nervous of home alone and also away alone, but it does get easier. And, I do promise they will be back because they realise that an easy week away with the folks is super-cheap and super-comfortable. Hope it goes OK x

I stopped going with my parents when I was 16. Started again in my 30s. I think giving them options for different types of holiday might help, amongst my friends we all seem to have switched to city breaks or more adventurous travel that they can't afford themselves.

Same with us, they’re 25 & 23. We only go for a week though as they want their own break away too.

At their ages, of course they don't want to be stuck on holiday with The Parents - none of us did at those ages.
Just go without them! They can plan stuff with their mates or go to a festival - whatever. They are too old to be trailing around on a "lovely family holiday", and it will just make everyone miserable.

Ask them what type of holiday they’d like to try? Ours are in their 20s now and enjoy a trip bankrolled by mum and dad, as well as doing their own thing.

My two are very different - DD20 loves holidays with us, which are usually in UK, and would like to travel more widely (but doesn’t have confidence to do it without us). DS18 has said he will only come with us this year if we stay in UK (he doesn’t like change) so even though we wanted to do a more adventurous after A levels holiday, like we did for DD, we’ve decided to stick to UK as more important to us that we’re all there than that we go somewhere different. But you can’t make them come!

By 16 I had a boyfriend and wanted to see friends during holidays. However my holidays with parents weren't exactly joyous and certainly not Neilson/Warner material! Maybe city breaks over weekends/3 days would be short enough for them?

Last family holiday I went on was at 17, and felt a bit old then! After 18 don't kids go on holiday with their BF/GFs or mates? Or not at all if working either full time or uni breaks. I do take my kids on holiday but my (now 19) DD said she wouldn't want to go again with my DS (now 21). They just like different things. We will go to visit family abroad next Christmas but that's different I think.

Same here. DS2(27) sometimes comes with us on a week's beach holiday because his partner doesn't enjoy heat (she goes somewhere with her parents every year).
DS1 (29) hasn't been abroad with us since he was 22 but we do book a UK break for the whole family every year, including partners.

Thank you for all the replies. We think a cruise is definitely the way forward so we are talking about that for next year. And working how we'd pay for it too. It's very £££!!!

We’ve gone on cruises with ours, there are lots of families with teenagers but yes it can get pricey. Our two prefer an interior cabin so we got a balcony one for us with them having an interior one across the corridor which saved some money. Have a look at the Cruise Critic forum.