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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Bullying or Normal Teen Behaviour? ND teen.

7 replies

GreyGoggles · 13/01/2025 10:52

My 13 year old started secondary school this year. He's a young thirteen year old, both physically and emotionally, has ADHD and Dyspraxia, and is a typical smart, science nerd, gamer type kid. He has made a couple of good friends and has settled in well considering. He's not part of the popular gang, and is okay with that. He doesn't need to be best friends with everyone but would like to be generally liked and on friendly terms.
However, early on, one kid decided that he hated him. He is part of the popular group and my son thinks that he's turned everyone else except his few friends against him. My son will walk up to people and they'll tell him to go away or say eugh.
Now, my kid can be very chatty and unwittingly dominate conversations and he can get overwhelmed and have mini melt downs. So he may have acted in a way that might turn off other kids, but he's upset that other kids might hate him.
I'd like to know from parents of other teens if this is par for the course (as I've heard a few stories of kids having a tough time in secondary school) or is it bullying and we need to chat to the school? I'm also aware that involving the school can be a poisoned chalice.
Any words from parents who might have experienced the same is very welcome.

OP posts:
RadMama · 13/01/2025 11:18

Had exactly the same with DS (ASD) when secondary started. Bullied by the popular group and their hangers on. Tried lots of different things but in the end we involved the school. Huge mistake. Bullying didn't stop and what few friends DS had dumped him as they didn't want to be associated with him. Very sad to say that the only thing that finally resolved the matter was when DS one day punched the main bully. He got into big trouble with school (understandably) but bullying stopped. So no advice unfortunately other than lots of empathy.

GreyGoggles · 13/01/2025 12:15

Thank you @RadMama . That's my fear. He has a couple of friends and maybe the focus should be on helping him feel okay with that and ignoring the haters (although that's a lot easier said than done). It's very hard on them.

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 13/01/2025 21:21

I don't think it will do any harm talking him through why he's walking up to others and chatting to them. He's made friends already. I'd try to get him to concentrate on spending time with those friends.

He doesn't need to keep sticking his head over the parapet, only to attract negative attention. Although how you convince him of that I'm not too sure.

This article might help with things that you could do.

Does he have an ECHP yet?

GreyGoggles · 13/01/2025 22:41

@TinyMouseTheatre , that's a good view point, I hadn't thought of that. I can just see him mooching around, seeing something happening somewhere and wanting to go over and see what's going on or be part of it. Or approaching a group to say hi in the morning. I could explore that with him. He doesn't have an ECHP yet.

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 14/01/2025 07:41

An ECHP would be useful for him I think. I'm not really sure about them if um honest, you'll get much better advice in the SN Terns Section but I'm sure that the plan could involve some work on socialising with other Teens.

Dpelewir · 14/01/2025 11:41

RadMama · 13/01/2025 11:18

Had exactly the same with DS (ASD) when secondary started. Bullied by the popular group and their hangers on. Tried lots of different things but in the end we involved the school. Huge mistake. Bullying didn't stop and what few friends DS had dumped him as they didn't want to be associated with him. Very sad to say that the only thing that finally resolved the matter was when DS one day punched the main bully. He got into big trouble with school (understandably) but bullying stopped. So no advice unfortunately other than lots of empathy.

Good on Ur DS. This is how my DS sorted his issue out in year 9. Only thing that can truly sort it out TBF. Bully was left sobbing and with a nose bleed.

TinyMouseTheatre · 14/01/2025 17:14

And sorry about the typos. I meant SN Teens.

SN Terns I would imagine cause a whole host of problems Grin

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