Delicate one (termination) and I just need a hand hold not a pile on!

[Naimechainger]

My (late) teen is dealing with an unexpected pregnancy, and the decision has been made not to continue.

I don't want to give too much identifying info obviously, but for various reasons it's taken awhile to get to this point and they're well into 2nd trimester.

I am 100% pro choice, they know I am fully supportive of whatever they do, and I would make the same decision in their shoes. I'm right behind them all the way.

But deep down I'm still sad for what could have been. My first grandbaby! - and I've seen pictures and know the sex. I can't share these feelings with anyone else and just needed to get them out somewhere so I can keep my chin up and carry on!

Can anyone relate? Or at least, if you think I'm an idiot, say it nicely?

I think it is fine to privately feel a bit sad, as long as you’re outwardly supportive of the choice she is making.

I too am strongly pro choice but I think it is healthy to acknowledge there can be, and often is, a lot of sadness involved in making the decision and therefore afterwards. Particularly when it is a later termination.

Wish your daughter and you the best.

If I was in your position with my own DD I’d be very relieved OP - it’s the right decision in my opinion. Late teens/early twenties are for having fun, living life to the full, education and building a career. Now is not the time for your DD to be having a baby and tying herself down.

Hugs. It would have been lovely but it would also have been back breakingly hard for you all. Remember that. 💐

Its ok to feel what you feel, but you have to accept its a bit of a fantasy, its not real, and a lot of terminations have some feelings of sadness even though its the right thing.

My view generally speaking, is that for someone of that age its absolutely the right thing.

You're human, of course you're thinking of what might have been. This must be tough, but I'm sure that it wasn't a decision taken lightly.
I hope all goes well.

My view generally speaking, is that for someone of that age its absolutely the right thing.
agree with this. As do you. Please dont say any of your thoughts of what could have been to your child.

Try not to worry OP. It is perfectly natural to wonder about the other path, even if you think the chosen path is probably the correct one.

Your DD might be sad too, and it might be helpful to her to know she is not alone in it, if you can in such a way that doesn't make her feel sadder. Sorry for your loss, OP. Well done for supporting your DD.

It's probably the right decision op.

And thank you for being there for her but not burdening her with your feelings about it. I went to a termination on my own as a teenager because I know my mum would have been more upset with her own feelings than thinking of mine.

She'd told me several times that she'd be devastated if I ever aborted a child, so I went it alone.

Thanks all. Good to know that what I'm feeling is relatable at least.

Of course the teens involved will never know. I absolutely agree it's the right decision and as I said, it's what I would (and did) do myself.

Big hugs x I had an abortion when I was 20 - devastating but absolutely the right thing. Hope you’re both ok x

This happened to a close friend of mine. Of course she never told her daughter that she was feeling sad - she 100% supported her daughter and looked after her.

In private though, she did talk to me about how she was feeling and had a good cry. Do you have a close friend that you can talk to, that you trust to keep it to themselves? I think it helps to talk about it to someone.