Any tips for a mum at her whitts end!?!

[charlotte121]

Im writing this on behalf of my mum. My younger sister is basicly out of control! She comes and goes as she pleases, hangs around with the complete wrong crowd, sleeps with whoever she pleases, has been thrown out of school, steals money out of my mums purse, speaks to any authority figure like dirt.... the list is endless and shes only 15. My mum can not handle her bahviour anymore but doesnt know ehere to turn as social services dont seem to be interested in any giving any support. she is getting worse and worse by the day and our fear is that it wont be long untill she is either taking drugs or is pregnant. My mum is on her own as my dad died many years ago (younger sis was 3 at the time and has no memories of him) she wont talk to anyone about her fealings and is forever telling family members she hates them etc. My mum has just got over lukimia and has just found out she has cancer so really doesnt need the stress. I however dont like to intervene in the situation as i am heavely pregnant and know my sister will lash out regardless of this. does anyone have any sujestions or are in a simialr situation? Im so worried about my mums health and the problem only seems to be getting worse!

I think my mum may have had an "odd" relationship with my younger sis (i have an older sister too)
Our dad died when I was 8, older sis was 10 and younger sis was 3. the only memory she has of him was seeing him being taken away in the ambulance to the hospice. When my dad died my little sister started sleeping in my mums bed which i think worked for both of them as my mum hated the empty side of the bed and my sister liked having my mum right there next to her... however when my mum eventually tried to get my sister to sleep alone in her own room she got very upset. she wouldnt sleep alone and i think she was about 10 maybe older before we got her to sleep in her own room.
My older sister did go through a very rebilous phase but it was never as bad as this.
I know my mum does love my sister but i dont think she can see that. I feel like im always on her case about her bahaviour and finding out today about my mums cancer just made me so angry... the orriginal cancer was very straight forward, just needed a lump removing and the cells were analysed and they showed that they wernt going to spread. they realised they hadnt got the whole lump out so did another op and when they got more of the lump out and analysed the cells they found that they had changed. I know that stress and cancer are linked... and its an awful thing to say but i blame my sister for the change in bahavioour of the cells. the stress she has put my mum under it almost feels like she wants my mum dead. I basicly told my sister the results from the doc and he response was "oh well" and then she started talkng about herself. Im strating to hate her and i know this isnt going to make things better but i would love to get a base ball bat and give her a good whack... god i sound awful.
I have decided that on my day off friday im going to try and get hold of social services and try and sort out somewhere else for my sister to live, otherwise she is going to finish my mum off. My mum keeps saying she wishes she was dead and that she feels like she has nothing to live for. Just frightens me that she might give up. Dont wanna lose another parent.

i dont how well this works as i dont have teenagers but a mum once told me when her daughter was out of control she took everything i mean absolutely everything out her room leaving with only a matress on the floor and she had to 'earn back' her things by sticking to the rules!

everything else stayed the same she could still go out, still have friends over but had set rules she had stick to and if she didnt there were no extra consequences or arguments just it took her longer to get back her things!!

having said that though it sounds like your sis is going through a lot at the moment and could do with some counselling have you tried talking to gp to see if you can get her refferred somewhere?

char, have been watching this thread for a few days.

Just wanted to post to remind you that you have unending support here. I can't really give much advice but my thoughts are with you.

You are brilliant and brave and I'm sure you will all come through this. Keep posting.

Do you live with your mum, or just nearby? and your older sister?

the only way we could get her to see the gp before was to get her to come to the house. she really just wont do anything me, my mum or any authortiy figure asks her to... which is definatly linked with the ODD thing. I do think she has something majorly wrong with her, however im not an expert.

isnt there any way you could get a counselor to come to the house then? or any mentor schemes or anything in your area? it really does sound like she needs some help dealing with things!

try starting a course or hobby or something with her she might open up to you more if she feels you are not attacking her or nagging her and it will give her some much needed confidence

I live in a scabby little flat lol about 15 mins away from my mum. I used to live with my mum but she found my son a bit too much and when i found out i was pg again we decided it was best if i moved out. My older sis lives about 5 mins from my mum with her daughter. She tries to support my mum as much as possible but is also quite a selfish person so usually puts herself first and relys on my mum for alot of support. she is good when were trying to inforce things on my little sis. i think my younger sis is frightened of my older sis... shes quite a fierce scary lady i wouldnt mess with her.

I think theyre trying to get my sis sorted with a councilor now. I think she actually wants a councilor strangely.

maybe she does..maybe she knows she needs help. she sounds deeply unhappy and possibly depressed. Good luck and keep posting.

will do. really appreciate all the help and support people have been giving me. Your all lovely have a pat on the back. x

I think I am right in saying that the fact they didn't get the whole lump out properly has more to do with the cells changing than with your sister causing mum so much stress. I believe that is correct, so please don't blame your sister anymore. It almost certainly isn't her fault.

She probably does really want a counsellor. We all want someone who will listen and understand - no matter how much we might not seem to deserve it at the time. I hope it works for her. They are very good - my dd3 really liked and respected hers, (she went a little way along the route of DD2 when xh left home but quickly got better with counselling).

You have a very hard time at the moment Char, as does your mum and, yes, even your sister, even though you can't quite understand what her 'hard time' is all about, there is something wrong in her life. Make sure somebody is listening to you and caring for you, too ((()))

I think littlewoman is dead right. Char - you r obviously a very caring sensitive and brave lady and I respect you for coping with everything that has been going on in your life - but you must look after yourself - why not ask yr gp if you can get some nhs counselling to help you - there is no shame in it honestly - i wish i could give you a big hug! hope your mum does!

Although your sister is being a pain I really do think it is all a subconscious cry for help - i really hope she goes to counselling and can get some peace into her life - she is obviously torn up inside and doesn't know how to cope.

Take care of you and your babies and of course your mum. We all feel your pain xx