Teenager hates school/autism??

[LjRiver]

Just looking for some advice as I'm desperate and struggling with my 14(almost 15) year old daughter.
Throughout her school life she has always thrived at school, done well academically and had a couple of nice friends.
Since going back in Sept to Year 10 she has totally changed, hates school, was having panic attacks getting out the car, refusing to do homework, finding it all so overwhelming. School have been good and they gave her a time out pass and let her have a reduced timetable which started with her leaving at midday and now she stays until 1.30pm so she just misses lunchtime and the last lesson.
The whole of last term she was on the reduced timetable which although did help, the mornings were still a real battle and life at home was very stressful. School were putting pressure on to get her back in full time but she isn't having any of it. When she is at school they say she is well behaved and looks happy. At home she is not happy.
We had a lovely Christmas break and she was relaxed and enjoying life again.
Today was back to school, she's gone in but school are pressuring for the whole days again. Obviously I want her there full time, this run up to GCSEs is important and she's falling behind. When I speak to her about it, her future etc she gets it but all she can focus on is how school makes her feel right now. She can't see the bigger picture.
Sorry this is the longest message ever but I just feel so alone in all this and I just want my daughter to be happy and finish school with the good exam marks that I know she is capable of. At the moment she just wants to give up on school. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

Sorry I don't have any advice but I'm going through this with my daughter too. She's in Y9. She had a huge panic attack last night and has refused to go in today. I've had warning letters about her attendance and am feeling quite overwhelmed. We have a GP appointment today so I'm hoping they can help.

I think if your DD is succeeding with the half days, school should be supportive of that really. Sending you lots of good wishes!

Is her autism diagnosed?

Consider applying for an education, health and care plan needs assessment, if they refuse appeal (don't ask school to do it, just crack on and do it yourself but let let them know. You could have it done in 10 minutes time). The part time timetable is plenty of evidence an assessment is required www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

At the same time be sure to point out the local authority have a legal duty to ensure she's receiving suitable full time education and ask how they intend to do this (don't let them fob you back to school, it's the LA's legal duty and cannot be delegated) www.ipsea.org.uk/school-anxiety

@sakura06 thank you for your response and sorry to hear you are going through something similar. We went to the doctors in September and they just passed me back to the school, saying the school should put things in place. The doctor said she would prescribe something for her anxiety but when I went to the pharmacy it was phenegan! The sleeping tablet! Not helpful at all.
I hope you are more successful with support from your doctor.

@LjRiver i feel for you and your daughter. My son was so worried about school and exams I pulled him out in year 10. They showed no interest in helping him by reducing his hours. He's now at the local education centre doing a 14-19 study programme. And sooo much happier. Good luck x

@JetskiSkyJumper thank you for the links, definitely helpful. She doesn't have any SEN diagnosis, I suspect she could be on the spectrum. Always have done but she's always been able to manage school life with routines etc. It's only since starting Year 10 they've gone out the window and her usual coping mechanisms aren't working. At school she masks and is the perfect pupil. I think this is why they dont quite understand how unhappy she is there.
I have another meeting with the school tomorrow as they have told me as of next week the part time timetable is being withdrawn. This expectation is just unrealistic I think.
It's so frustrating because even she doesn't know what would help her. She just wants to leave school and get to college and work now.

TA in further Ed here

Firstly, I'm sorry your daughter is struggling so much. Pick out GCSEs that she wants to do. Maths and English. Look at her other options, pick

1. most likely to pass
2. least stressful lessons
3. most connected to future goals

See if school will do a focused timetable on subjects that work and get her to focus on what she needs. It may not be a very smooth timetable, because obviously they won't be able to move her lessons so it could be one day was:
9-10 in for maths
10-2 home
2-3 in for English

But that's way better than her being home 24/ 7 having a nervous breakdown and getting no GCSEs - 5 included English and Maths and one/two in what she wants to study is usually what colleges and unis want.

@stichguru thank you, I hadn't thought of that being an option. Definitely something worth discussing with the school and my daughter. It's amazing how much your expectations reduce when sat with the prospect of no school at all! I think it's just hard for me and especially my husband to get his head around as this isn't 'the norm'.

@shellyleppard i have never heard of this avenue, just googled and there isn't one close to us but what an amazing option if there was. I also dont know that she would want to start again somewhere with no friends but thank you

@LjRiver you are very welcome sending hugs 🫂 peace and love 💖

There's no guarantee that they will let you, but it's worth an ask. They should be helping her attend all they can.

Plus from the school's point of view on their statistics, I would think, a pupil that is meant to comes in for say 10-15 GCSEs lessons a week, attends most of them, takes 5 GCSE exams and passes 4-5 of them with good grades, looks better than a pupil who is meant to come in for 30 lesson a week and take 10 GCSE exams, comes in for a few lessons some weeks, doesn't manage to turn up for all the exams, fails most of the ones she does because she's missed so much/hates school/is so nervous. That doesn't really help anyone!

@LjRiver sorry to hear your doctor was not helpful! I hope the school continues to let her have a reduced timetable.