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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

My 16 year old daughter asked if her boyfriend could sleep over

39 replies

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 05/01/2025 19:33

My daughter asked me tonight if her boyfriend (also 16) could sleep over soon. I know
that they are not sexually active yet and my daughter is on birth control for her periods so unprotected sex isn’t a concern.
I told her no and when she asked why, i
couldn’t think of a good reason other than because I said so, you are too young and it’s under my roof.
We had the talk about sex and she said she finds the thought of sex scary and wants to wait another couple of years. I told her that it’s natural that her thoughts on it may change sooner so I want her to be careful and think about it properly before she does anything and that it’s very important to take her birth control pills properly and consistently.
She is smarter than I am, and I don’t know what else I can say for a valid reason.
Anyone else with teenage daughters that could give me a few ideas?

OP posts:
hamsterno1 · 08/01/2025 21:14

Don't you cook your DC's guests meals? I love it when they stay for dinner.

Better than squirrelling themselves away.

buttonousmaximous · 08/01/2025 21:28

I would say sleeping over brings an extra layer to a relationship and you are not willing to facilitate that at 16.

I let dds bf sleep over from 18.

hamsterno1 · 08/01/2025 21:31

buttonousmaximous · 08/01/2025 21:28

I would say sleeping over brings an extra layer to a relationship and you are not willing to facilitate that at 16.

I let dds bf sleep over from 18.

Even in a different room?

IhaveanewTVnow · 08/01/2025 21:39

I didn’t allow my DS girlfriend to stay over until they were 17. I just felt more comfortable with them being at sixth form. Prior to that at 15 the girlfriend did ask me if she could take my DS to a hotel for the night. As they would need our permission to stay and be driven there I said no on that occasion. I do t think it has done them any harm. They sleep together now. I just wasnt ready two years earlier.

onceuponatimelived · 08/01/2025 22:03

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 05/01/2025 19:33

My daughter asked me tonight if her boyfriend (also 16) could sleep over soon. I know
that they are not sexually active yet and my daughter is on birth control for her periods so unprotected sex isn’t a concern.
I told her no and when she asked why, i
couldn’t think of a good reason other than because I said so, you are too young and it’s under my roof.
We had the talk about sex and she said she finds the thought of sex scary and wants to wait another couple of years. I told her that it’s natural that her thoughts on it may change sooner so I want her to be careful and think about it properly before she does anything and that it’s very important to take her birth control pills properly and consistently.
She is smarter than I am, and I don’t know what else I can say for a valid reason.
Anyone else with teenage daughters that could give me a few ideas?

Wouldn't you rather your daughter be safe under your roof then having to go find alternate methods of spending the night with her bf? At least she felt comfortable enough to ask you but given your reaction I don't know if she will feel free enough to be so open with you. Its really a great trust builder to have your teenage daughter be so open and honest with you. I would personally prefer that.

Clearinguptheclutter · 08/01/2025 22:10

My kids are younger but I can’t imagine being that comfortable with a girlfriend/boyfriend staying over at 16. In the spare room
on occasion maybe and if they were really into each other I’d help with late night lifts.
if I knew and trusted the gf/bf well I’d probably relax at 17ish

DurinsBane · 08/01/2025 22:19

Tim3toputmys3lffirst · 05/01/2025 20:04

No unfortunately we haven’t got a spare room. She has always been weirded out about sex so I know that she hasn’t done it yet. I just wish I could give her a valid reason that she would accept.

Show quote history

‘Because I said so, and it is my house’, you don’t need people to give you any ideas about what to say

LoveThatDog · 08/01/2025 22:25

I’d say no to actually sleeping over til she’s older, especially as she’s autistic and has expressed discomfort with sex previously.

I’d say he can visit but must go home. Planning for him to stay over may make her feel that if she does decide she doesn’t want him to stay, that she has to just let him.

Having him there in her bedroom all night can feel more intimate than sex and at 16, I don’t think they’re ready for that.

Copperoliverbear · 08/01/2025 22:31

I'd just say no 16 is way too young to be having sex and sleepovers I just wouldn't want to be encouraging it at such a young age.

PickledElectricity · 08/01/2025 22:34

Why does she want him to sleep over?

It would also be a no from me.

backawayfatty1 · 08/01/2025 22:42

My 15yo autistic DD has a bf & he stayed over in our spare room, just as any other friend would. She also said they weren't having sex/weren't ready ... Then I found a condom wrapper. They decided they were ready! That being said, it wasn't during a sleepover 🤣 we have paused the sleepovers for now but more so because I wasn't sure how his parents felt about the situation

Branleuse · 08/01/2025 22:48

Its up to you, but i let my kids have theirs stay over. I prefer to know where they are.

Examconfusion · 08/01/2025 22:48

LoveThatDog · 08/01/2025 22:25

I’d say no to actually sleeping over til she’s older, especially as she’s autistic and has expressed discomfort with sex previously.

I’d say he can visit but must go home. Planning for him to stay over may make her feel that if she does decide she doesn’t want him to stay, that she has to just let him.

Having him there in her bedroom all night can feel more intimate than sex and at 16, I don’t think they’re ready for that.

This

JaninaDuszejko · 09/01/2025 07:59

Since she's autistic and has expressed discomfort with the idea of having sex I would tell her clearly that he will expect to have sex if he stays over so if she's uncomfortable with that idea you think it's best to not have a sleepover yet. I'd also tell her that if later on she decides she is ready for sex since she's over 16 you are happy discuss the best way to facilitate that then.

ETA: If she was NT and had told you she had already had consensual sex and now wanted to have a sleepover that would be a different discussion but I think your natural instincts to say no in this situation are right.

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