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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Toxic freindships

2 replies

Thingamebobwotsit · 03/01/2025 13:04

I might get shot down for this, but I am just wondering how other parents help their teenagers navigate toxic friendships?

My DD (13) has a friend she has known for most of her life. In the early years it was a lovely, happy relationship but fast forward to the early teen years and the friend has some challenging mental health issues and their parents are burying their heads in the sand.

I am trying to strike the careful balance between allowing DD to be a supportive friend, but also encourage her to be her own person. From conversations with DD the friend is trying to manipulate DD into doing more and more for her including school work, doesn't like DD to have her own friends, and is also into having some fairly extreme views. For context this friend is also now off school and seems to be spending most of their time on social media following up on some fairly dubious content which is influencing their behaviour. Meanwhile the Mother seems to think she can use my DD as a sounding board for all the issues she is having with her own DD. And any time I have tried to discuss it gently, the parents don't want to listen.

I don't want to stop the friendship as I think this would be counter productive, but I am thinking we should probably be "less available" when DD is being asked to go round etc.

Any advice or shared experiences very gratefully received!

OP posts:
username299 · 03/01/2025 17:11

The most important thing you can teach your daughter is self respect and assertiveness.

Teach how we should be treated by friends. Eg it's a two way street, they don't bully us and this is how we stick up for ourselves and say no.

How to trust her feelings and not to override them. How to work out what her boundaries are and what to do if someone is treading all over them.

How she doesn't have to put up with anyone's bad behaviour, irrespective of their mental health.

Jumell · 05/01/2025 16:18

username299 · 03/01/2025 17:11

The most important thing you can teach your daughter is self respect and assertiveness.

Teach how we should be treated by friends. Eg it's a two way street, they don't bully us and this is how we stick up for ourselves and say no.

How to trust her feelings and not to override them. How to work out what her boundaries are and what to do if someone is treading all over them.

How she doesn't have to put up with anyone's bad behaviour, irrespective of their mental health.

Gosh I echo this post a million times

I wish my parents had done the same with me

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