Is it OK to ask son about sleeping arrangements

[NedSchneebly]

My son is 17, and has a good friend at school who is biologically female, but identifies as non-binary. No issues with this…

The two of them are planning a night out on Saturday and a “film marathon” and he is sleeping over at their house.

Is it sensible to have a conversation about “sleeping arrangements” or is that excruciating and I should just trust him? He’s never been in a relationship before, so this is new territory… I trust him - he is lovely and sensible and respectful, but still…

Any advice from more experienced teen parents appreciated!!

I think at 17 I’d leave him to it. I assume you’ve talked to him about contraception previously? If not I’d be having that chat but I wouldn’t be relating it specifically to his friend. If he wants to talk tk you about it he will but lots of 17yo have sex and don’t chat yk their parents about it.

Trust that your previous (hopefully) good advice on safe sex will cover all eventualities and don't ask.
By arrangements, are you worried about them sharing a bed at night? If 17 year olds want to have sex then they will be having it. All they need is time alone, a bed and nighttime are not essentials.

I’ve had exactly this conversation with my son, he was a bit younger and it went down the ‘he’s a boy!’ ‘X is biologically female’ ‘HE’S A BOY!’ ‘X has a uterus’ line of daft argument until I threw up my hands and said ‘Fine, I’d love to be a grandma, crack on’ in an immature strop. He did take it on board though, and anyway they remained platonic. We made up when he realised I care deeply about X and that I don’t need to agree X is male to do that.

I decided I had to have the conversation, bc there are young people who think that if they identify as the opposite sex, they have some inherent biological traits that make them less likely to eg get pregnant. I believe I must make sure my son is properly aware, even though it’s embarrassing. And once he’s aware, I can step back as it’s not my business.

My relationship with my son would mean I would just say "who is sleeping where?" but we tend to address things head on in our family and it might not be appropriate for some

I’d say something like - this is your motherly reminder to make sure you have contraception prepared, if there’s any chance at all that could be relevant. Thanks so much!

When my adult child came out to me as gay I relied on my two friends, also gay, about the etiquette of such things.

One of my friends told me that their mother used to ask - when a friend was staying over- if they needed to make up the spare bed.

That always seemed a sensible solution, if the need arose.

I would just remind my son that I am far too young to become a grandma so he had better not make me one yet. But he would have some banter back about my grey hairs or something.....just talk to your son

Thanks for your responses… much appreciated!

He wanted to go for a walk today, so I brought it up. He said they’re just friends, but understood why I asked him. I did tell him that he should be grateful that I stopped his dad offering to take him condom shopping…