please give me some advice on this!!

[Rosbo]

My 15 year old DD, got a really cool new camera for her birthday, and is a really good photgrapher actually. but thing is, she posts all her photos on myspace and bebo and god knows what else. It worries me! She posts pictrues of all her mates, what if their parents haven't given them permission to have photos on the internet? She also seems a little full of herself, always answering me and DH back. Recently got suspended and arrested for possesing alcohol and weed. DS1 says everyone at their school thinks she 'gets around a bit' - meaning shes a slut I think! And I just want her to start working and get her life back on track! But how?

[Rosbo]

bump!!

[Ecmo]

Don't know what to suggest really. But I didnt want you to feel ignored! I have a 14 year old dd (15 in a August). my dd posts pics on the internet too and answers back. I'm sure someone else will come along soon who is much better at advice than me!

[nearlybonkers]

It's not too late - but if you don't start taking a stand now you might as well waive bye bye to your daughter. Do you or your immediate family get drunk regularly and smoke weed, if so you have an up hill stuggle but not impossible. Everyone gets drunk occasionally and so you can get round that one, but if you are smoking or are saying I smoked when young you are condoning it. know that there is no weed anymore just Skunk. It messes with the brain, leads to psycosis, increased suicide and just horrid.

I'm not preaching. I've had to tell those around me this fact when they started trying it. My DS became angry aggresive, secretive, spotty and worse. I think between me and those around me we've persuaded him to stop. I think he has because he is less aggresive, interested in sport and generally more co-operative, but I don't know for sure.

[tearinghairout]

I wouldn't worry about the photos on Bebo etc, tbh. Her mates will no doubt be aware that she's done this - I know my dch's school drums into them about internet safety and my dd posts pics on there, but they are aware of weirdos etc.

I agree about the dope - it's much stronger these days & that's all the reason you need to give, never mind whether or not you, the parents, ever smoked yourselves (back in the mists of time).

As to the rest of the behaviour, try not to judge her, but get her to talk to you, or someone you both trust (my dd talks to her best friend's mum, & that's how I find out things!)so you can have a dialogue & listen, & explain why it might not be a good idea to do certain things. I DO know how hard it is! Good luck.

[Remotew]

The photos and back chat are just normal behaviour for a 15 year old.

I'd be worried about the dope and the boys more than anything else. Can you be open with her and give her some guidance, or is there someone else she can talk to. Its worth exploring why she is expressing herself in this way. She may be suffering from low self esteem. Does she have anything else in life to interest her. e.g hobbies, sports etc.

Sorry if I've read it wrong but I remember being similar at this age and my self esteem was the underlying reason. My parents although they did there best just seemed to let me be and never gave me the encouragement and guidance that would have helped me.

[Rosbo]

thanks for all your help!
I've been trying to talk to her tonight

[Remotew]

A little bit of love and praise (where its due) even if its just behaving a little bit. After all she is nearly an adult not really a child and just be her friend and support. That's all we can give our teens after all. Good luck

[BabieWabbit]

Rosbo- I am 16 and i too take photos of my self and my friends, with myspace as she is only 15 her profile will be private and no-one but her friends will be able to see it including photos . When she is 16 she will be able to choose her profile setting.I'm pretty sure it's the same with bebo...
I am sorry to hear about the suspention and the arrest, Could it be people that she is hanging arround with influencing her?
As a teenager i know how hard it is not to get sidetracked by friends and parties ect (I'm sure you do too )but for me it has to be a balance between working to get into college and having a laugh with my friends.
Hope goes well.

[solo]

I found that my 9yo Ds had put a web cam thing on you tube, but luckily I found it within a very short time. I sat him down and explained the dangers to him, asked him if he knew what a paedophile was and tried to explain without explaining iyswim. Tough call really. Ds did though, close down his you tube account of his own accord.

I guess your Dd is old enough to realise the dangers, so perhaps a good and realistic chat would be in order?

[SecondhandRose]

Maybe you could talk to her about her dreams and aspirations and where she might be in 5 or 10 yrs time. And where she might see her friends in that time too. Be calm and kind and adult, don't preach to her.

If she one day wants to get on the housing ladder then talk to her about how making changes in her life now will lead to a promising future for her with prospects etc etc.

Can you get her involved in any sports or anything that is away from the environment where she is mixing with these 'like minded' people. Also what about getting together with the parents of the other kids and finding out what they think.

Try and have the conversation about being easy and a slut and that people will have no respect for her and that the gossip has made its way back to you (no need to say it has come from DS).

The most important thing is that you are calm and adult and start to impose sanctions. If you do this ....... I will put some credit on your phone. If you do this........ your phone will be removed for 1 week. If you do this.......... your bedroom door will be removed. Etc Etc. you have to give punishments that you are prepared to carry out.

HTH.

[mumonthenet]

Whilst I agree with everyone above I also think you should step back and think of the bigger picture. To get her away from the bad influences you need to help her fill her life with something more interesting. Most teenagers are bored right? She's interested in photography? So show an interest in her enthusiasm and guide it the way you want it to go.

Start leaving magazines around which have a photography competition in them. Look for local arty farty groups which might be into trendy photography.

Is she keen on media/film? How about a work placement with the BBC here or media careers info here

Start talking about what she might do after school/college/university. Think about what's she's good at/interested in and talk about how she would like to use this. Consider moving to a different school/college after she's sixteen where there might be course which suits her more. If you can light a fire of enthusiasm and optimism inside her she might grow bored of the booze and the weed.