When do teen girls come back to you?

[nyefedup]

Posting this as feeling very down this evening about my relationship with my eldest daughter (18). She never seems to want to spend any time with me or younger sibling, she's permanently at her boyfriend's house, she doesn't really make conversation with me unless it's to ask for money or lifts. She makes time for other people in her life including other family members (on her dad's side, mostly), and of course has bags of time for her friends and boyfriend. It just really hurts, I raised her basically singlehandedly for most of her life and really tried my best to make sure she knew she was loved and had whatever she needed/wanted. But now I really do feel like I've "lost" my little girl. 😔 My friend tells me they come back around when their brain matures in their 20s - is this true? Is there anything I can do to try and improve things? Thank you !

Anyone? 🙏🏻

I was out of the house most of the time from 16-22 I'd say, then I met my now-husband at 23 and moved out shortly after. Honestly.. I'd say it was having our son that bought me and my mum back together properly x

Mine never left, I was honestly blessed with a dream daughter. She didn't even leave for university as she wanted to stay at home so I haven't experienced this with my own daughter as you can't get a piece of paper between us and she's 19, but as a daughter, I became a lot closer to my mum in my early 20s.

@Hoplolly I'm very envious, that sounds lovely! We were the exact same until she turned 18 and met a new boyfriend 😔 I miss her terribly and the closeness we used to have.

I drifted a bit 18-24 when friends became so much more relevant than parents. Got on pretty well 25-30 but it was having a dc of my own was the big turning point for me. I really needed my mum again. Not to do stuff (that would have been nice, but it wasn’t possible) but just for solidarity and reassurance. There were even things that I had resented her for, that I understood better through the fog of exhaustion and overwhelming responsibility,

I'd say the same as another poster having my son made me and my mum closer again, I realised I needed her support, care and love. Whereas before I was very focused on my career and buying a house, creating my own life, plus I realised my mum won't be around forever and I should cherish the time we have together, which I think comes with age? Sorry if that sounds morbid.

My daughter has had the same boyfriend for three years.

I am very grateful for our relationship, we do a lot together - still go to concerts, shopping, lunch, bottomless brunch etc. I would also miss her terribly so I can imagine how you feel.

@LouiseTopaz it makes sense! I am only a relatively young mum of an adult though (only in my late 30s), as I had her young ish. So she doesn't have that worry about me going anywhere anytime soon I guess!

@Hoplolly yes, we did all of those things until the new boyfriend came on the scene. We went away to London for the weekend as recently as June of this year, in fact, to a concert and for a girly trip away. It's just such a huge loss that is sitting so heavily on my heart. I wish I knew how to change it back to how it was 😔 Thank you for understanding! x

I've been apart from mine the majority since they were 3 and 6, and they're now 14 and 17. Would like to it gets easier, but it still hurts like hell! They are boys.
I hope one day they come back to me but it won't be until they are mid 20s I would imagine as that's when "maturity" sets in 🙏

My mum's only in her 50s and I'm 35, I just think your thought process changes. I felt totally different from when I was 19-25 then from 30-35 not sure if that makes any sense. So much happens in life and you just value your mum more. She will come back to you and at different stages in her life she will need you in different ways, the fact your worried about this shows what a great mum you are 💓

Pulling away from our parents in young adulthood is completely normal, OP. Tbh, I'd be a bit concerned if she wasn't doing so. We all need to find our way in life as independent, separate people.

For me it was in my early to mid 20s that I started to reflect on my earlier behaviour and apologised to my mum for being a twat during my teens 😅

To give you hope op my next door neighbour had lots of blazing rows with her teen daughter but that was all a good few years ago now and these days I never hear a single argument. I actually ran into the girl now in her early twenties and she's lovely now, really matured, is friendly, kind and caring. Hang in there.

She has to develop her own life. A mate, a circle of her peers, a career, independence. Just like you have and enjoy. You can provide none of that for her. She has to travel her own path.
I reckon my dd flourished at 23 onwards. She took me out, bought me gifts, arranged nice things. A reversal of our parent to child dynamic. More balanced, equal, give and take.