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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

First relationship

20 replies

00Namechange00 · 23/12/2024 13:17

My DS is in year 12. He has changed school in sixth form, met new friends which I am happy with. After a couple of weeks from the start he announces he has a girlfriend. Nothing against, I am happy, she comes to our house, he goes to her house. Absolutely lovely girl. I have met the mum once she picked her up.
However my husband and I think they spend too much time together. They see each other in school and in the afternoon after school. She invites him for dinner even mid week. Then both Saturday and Sunday. I was okay with this in September and October as they didn’t have lots to study but now I feel like they are married! No idea what the balance is at this age. We have a feeling that she is quite clingy and my son can’t say no, he came home quite upset few times and he didn’t want to say why which I didn’t push as it is his life but I said I am here if he wants to talk about it.
I am not sure what I am asking now, probably I just want to know how often is too often and how to avoid he loses interest in the rest of his world only at 16. Any help?

OP posts:
SandraCampbell · 23/12/2024 17:31

Let the young lad be! At that age me and my husband where already planning on getting married. Don’t worry babes, he’d be fine xxx

Stichintime · 23/12/2024 17:33

Not sure how much you can control this. It will probably fizzle out soon.

SandraCampbell · 23/12/2024 17:34

Stichintime · 23/12/2024 17:33

Not sure how much you can control this. It will probably fizzle out soon.

well that’s not the way it ended up with me and my husband babes! 16 years and many more hopefully married together!

StampOnTheGround · 23/12/2024 17:38

I'd let it be, raising concerns would push him away a bit - it will either fizzle out as he majority do at that age or it won't.

Dynamics will change if they stayed together till they were 18 - they will spend more time going out with friends and then still see each other too.

I have been with my DH since 16, of course most split up, but if not they'll grow together and go through a lot of different stages of life - it won't always be like this!

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 23/12/2024 17:44

You just have to let this happen. In my experience, it's a normal phase of new, young love. If you take steps to encourage them to see less of each other, they'll end up spending no time at yours, and you'll regret having said anything.

Iloveeverycat · 23/12/2024 17:46

What will be will be. I met my husband at 16 we have been happily together for over 40 years

AngelinaFibres · 23/12/2024 18:00

Son and now DIL met at same age as your son. They are now 30 and 31 and have 2 young children. Let them be. It will either fade and die or they'll end up together forever ( particularly if they attend the same uni. Son and DIL did. )

Original poster
00Namechange00 · 24/12/2024 11:32

Now that some of you told me you met your life partner at 16, I am even more worried 😖

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 24/12/2024 21:12

00Namechange00 · 24/12/2024 11:32

Now that some of you told me you met your life partner at 16, I am even more worried 😖

We're not the same people that we were at 16 - we also did not get married till 26 and 28 for the first child.

We also went to uni in different cities, we made sure we weren't in each others pockets. However when I was 16, I'd have seen him every second if I could, but the relationship matured as we did 😊

waterrat · 25/12/2024 21:54

I was insanely in love at that age. I didn't stay in the relationship but it was so intense and yes I wanted to be with my boyfriend all the time. I still remember how much I loved him

First love is a big thing

Surely some upset and tear are normal as part of a young romance ?

Travelban · 26/12/2024 08:55

Difficult one, maybe a conversation about other interests although at this stage is a bit late in the sense that he won't want to make time for things he wasn't already doing.

At that age a healthy balance would be a mix of friends, sports/hobbies and family time, ideally. But life isn't always perfect. I get the anxiety though as it worries me too when the balance is off kilter. You can try and encourage other interests so that the balance is restored but be prepared for a battle...

ByHeartyCyanMentor · 26/12/2024 08:59

My DS had a very intense first relationship at 16 they were going to be together forever etc etc I left him to it he grew up a bit by 17 they had split.

We are 12 months down the road now and he has been with his new girlfriend about 7 months, it is a much healthier dynamic.

TinyMouseTheatre · 26/12/2024 12:45

Have you spoken to him about not dropping friends or hobbies and compromise within relationships?

AgnesX · 26/12/2024 12:50

They'll drift apart when they go to university; if they don't break up beforehand.

Keep your fingers crossed it doesn't all implode in their A level year/ exam time.

PS as a parent, tread carefully.

cakelover75 · 28/12/2024 14:21

What about encouraging a part time job for him? That will give him another distraction and get him doing something else at the weekend/evenings? My daughter is almost the same age and in her first relationship. They only see each other once a week which I’m happy with (but go to the same school).

lleeggoo · 28/12/2024 14:24

00Namechange00 · 24/12/2024 11:32

Now that some of you told me you met your life partner at 16, I am even more worried 😖

Why?

DS met his wife at 15, they started dating at 16 and spent every weekend at her house, or ours. They got engaged at 21, just as they were both approaching graduation

Original poster
00Namechange00 · 29/12/2024 21:43

cakelover75 · 28/12/2024 14:21

What about encouraging a part time job for him? That will give him another distraction and get him doing something else at the weekend/evenings? My daughter is almost the same age and in her first relationship. They only see each other once a week which I’m happy with (but go to the same school).

My son has a party job on weekends as coach of an Under-7 football team and he either play football or referees children football on Sundays. Now on holiday they are not playing so that’s a bit of a problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
00Namechange00 · 29/12/2024 21:44

lleeggoo · 28/12/2024 14:24

Why?

DS met his wife at 15, they started dating at 16 and spent every weekend at her house, or ours. They got engaged at 21, just as they were both approaching graduation

Show quote history

Personally I think it is too early. Having a relationship so early limits their choices in life (eg moving to another country, etc)

OP posts:
lleeggoo · 29/12/2024 21:45

Personally I think it is too early. Having a relationship so early limits their choices in life (eg moving to another country, etc)

If the relationship limits their choices the relationship is wrong anyway. A good relationship isn't limiting.

Original poster
00Namechange00 · 01/01/2025 19:14

lleeggoo · 29/12/2024 21:45

Personally I think it is too early. Having a relationship so early limits their choices in life (eg moving to another country, etc)

If the relationship limits their choices the relationship is wrong anyway. A good relationship isn't limiting.

What if one of them wants to move to another continent? I don’t believe in long-distance relationships so one could sacrifice their future just because they have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

OP posts:
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