Mental Health, preteen,teen

LiseHunt1 · 2024-12-20T13:41:22+00:00

I really need to rant! so please bare with me! My 11 year old daughter started high school in September and Oh my! she has changed so much since. She is constantly in her room and now i am being sent messages from her friends parents with screen shots of her not wanting to live anymore. She is telling them she has tried stuff to end her life. (as far as I am aware or can see this is not the case) she has been moody and down, does not like school since the move to high school. I get she might be feeling low but why send messages to her friend's about ending her life. I have her seeing a therapist already for her low mood and I am going to get her to speak to someone over the holidays. But she will not speak to me, I have never gave her any reason to think i wouldn't believe her or help her, but as soon as i ask about the messages, she lies and says she didn't send them. I am so worried about her and just want her to be happy, how can I help?

ApparentlyRockBottomHasABasement · 20/12/2024 14:26

Young minds has advice for parents, as well as young people.
https://www.youngminds.org.uk

I would also contact pastoral care at school so they are aware and could check in/offer support. Have you spoken to the GP? They may wish to do blood tests as there can be underlying causes they may be able to rule out (ferritin, B12, Vit D/folate, thyroid for example).
No other advice I’m afraid, I tried everything with mine who was already under (useless) CAHMS, I hope your Dd is able to engage with support and gets the help they need.

YoungMinds | Mental Health Charity For Children And Young People

YoungMinds are a mental health charity for children, young people and their parents, making sure all young people can get the mental health support they need.

https://www.youngminds.org.uk

waterrat · 21/12/2024 14:03

Do you know what she is looking at online?

Is her phone locked down with an app like qustudio so you can see what she is doing ?

I'd be very worried she is being exposed to something harmful online even being groomed

anastasianikolaevna · 22/12/2024 09:44

Hello, coming from a 15 year old (19/27/09)
I've struggled with this, actually. I suggest the following --

Medications, especially anti-depressants.
Finding a specific hobby for her, basically just give her a purpose and something to look forward too.
Swap therapists, if it's the right thing to do. Maybe they aren't a fit for her.

You can ask me more if needed!

anastasianikolaevna · 22/12/2024 09:45

(10/27/09) sorry misclick!

Runskiyoga · 22/12/2024 10:12

That's the right question, why send messages saying she is going to end her life?
Because it gets a reaction off them?
Because it gets a reaction off you?
Because it makes her seem exciting to others?
Because there's other needs not getting seen?
Because the thought does cross her mind?
I like the PPs suggestions - at 11 we need focus, identity, unconditional love. We get more self conscious. We waver between wanting to grow up and wanting to regress.
I wouldn't talk about 'it' too much, but I would make a deal - it seems like sometimes you are overwhelmed and you message your thoughts to your friends. They love and care for you, but it's a bit overwhelming for them. They tell their parents, which is the right thing for them to do. I'm glad they told me, because I want you to be ok. I wonder if we could cut out the middle man, and when you are feeling that way you could text me a chosen emoji, and we could cuddle up together? And if you need someone other than me, here's who else you could talk to (other family members, child line). I'm going to ask you not to message your friends saying you want to kill yourself, because it's too much for them, they will get upset or fed up with you and it will not keep your friendships going well. You can of course tell them you are bored, or emotional, or need some company, but keep it at that level. Stronger emotions are for family.
Then just spend more time together, keep her OFF her smartphone at all costs, keep her away from online forums, promote fun activities and identity building through interests.
I'd probably not massively pathologise it with ongoing therapy either, unless there are wider family issues. Risk of identity through mental illness health.

Lightswitchup · 22/12/2024 11:15

anastasianikolaevna · 22/12/2024 09:45

(10/27/09) sorry misclick!

I think you’ve given some good advice but if this is your name and date of birth you should ask for it to be removed as it is too much personal information.

Lightswitchup · 22/12/2024 11:27

OP you need professional advice about this. Look at that website, speak to GP, school. I’d be taking her to the gp asap urgently and let them speak to her without you there if that’s what it takes. I had to do this with dd although she was a couple of years older but now we are at the stage where she will talk to me about and she’s in a much better place because I can support her.

captureitrememberit · 22/12/2024 15:21

Runskiyoga · 22/12/2024 10:12

That's the right question, why send messages saying she is going to end her life?
Because it gets a reaction off them?
Because it gets a reaction off you?
Because it makes her seem exciting to others?
Because there's other needs not getting seen?
Because the thought does cross her mind?
I like the PPs suggestions - at 11 we need focus, identity, unconditional love. We get more self conscious. We waver between wanting to grow up and wanting to regress.
I wouldn't talk about 'it' too much, but I would make a deal - it seems like sometimes you are overwhelmed and you message your thoughts to your friends. They love and care for you, but it's a bit overwhelming for them. They tell their parents, which is the right thing for them to do. I'm glad they told me, because I want you to be ok. I wonder if we could cut out the middle man, and when you are feeling that way you could text me a chosen emoji, and we could cuddle up together? And if you need someone other than me, here's who else you could talk to (other family members, child line). I'm going to ask you not to message your friends saying you want to kill yourself, because it's too much for them, they will get upset or fed up with you and it will not keep your friendships going well. You can of course tell them you are bored, or emotional, or need some company, but keep it at that level. Stronger emotions are for family.
Then just spend more time together, keep her OFF her smartphone at all costs, keep her away from online forums, promote fun activities and identity building through interests.
I'd probably not massively pathologise it with ongoing therapy either, unless there are wider family issues. Risk of identity through mental illness health.

Very good advice here OP