DS 19 car/uni/work etc

[Orangesandlemons77]

DS is in his first year at uni from home, after taking a year out to work. He did have a car but had a crash and it was written off in the summer.

He's now got another car, despite him telling me he couldn't afford another one for years due to the insurance costs. He doesn't need one as the uni won't let local students park there anyway, and a bus goes from nearby.

I've now noticed from the internet that he has been applying for full time jobs locally, min wage ones such as a delivery driver. I'm guessing he is doing this to pay the costs of the car.

What do you do when you feel they are making unwise decisions? I have asked and he says the uni is going Ok although he doesn't seem to do in much. He says he can view the lectures etc online(?)

He doesn't always tell us the truth. Any advice welcome.

He isheading towards failing his course. Unless he is very clever or his course requires little work this is going to end in tears.

Yes- I spoke to him today about finding the job searches and not doing too many hours etc. He has not taken anything on yet. I will see how it goes over the Christmas break and try and talk more then.

It os hard to get a balance of letting them make their own decisions and seeing them do stuff you know is going to not work.

You need to discuss whether he actually wants to stay at uni if he is applying for f/t jobs. He may have decided the course is not for him.
Conversely a few years ago DB hired a graduate who had held down a 37 hour week job at John Lewis and got good grades. That student was doing a humanities course with few contact hours and did two full days in store at weekends.

It's a MN thing where the little children cannot possibly work and study due to the huge workload, every student I know, including my own DD have jobs, DD works 3 full days per week, is in 2nd year.
She's got lots of shifts over the holidays, with delivery jobs it'll fit in round uni.

Of course he can work around Uni. That's normal!

When you feel they are making unwise decisions, you're just there for them if it goes wrong at this age. You can't stop him.

Maybe we are being too negative. I'm sorry I should have said, he had a previous job in his gap year and they worked him into the ground, which was Ok then as not studying then. I told him to take care about one of those jobs again.

When I studied I had a part time job at the uni's catering dept and they had a limit on 15 hrs for the full time students and that worked quite well.

He can work around it but just because he can view lectures online doesn't mean he should - he's missing opportunities to chat to others about the lectures both students and the lecturer! Is he also missing out on the social
aspect? I think the next gen of students need it be aware online education that's simply recording of lectures isn't really a substitute for being there in person, it was a necessity in covid not a preference.
Doesnt he have seminars and reading to do? If he's got semester one exams try get him to talk about his results.

Why are you so involved?

So you snoop on his internet, the lad is looking for work, good for him. You may not know but many places advertise F/T and you apply and get shifts or lower hours.

Just for context my DS 21 final year of uni works 4- 5 full long days a week that's including weekends, he loves work, pays for everything , runs his own car, acts and behaves like an adult.

He's only in uni a few lectures the majority is online and he also lives at home, it's entirely possible depending on his degree to work and do uni.

As an employer the best graduates are the ones with the 2:2 or 2:1 that have worked and dealt with the public and know what the real world looks like, I would employe a working graduate over a non working 1st class student any day.

He sounds great, buying a car, living his life and trying to work, I'm baffled by why you feel it's your business? Let him learn to juggle and work out for himself his own capabilities. .

@creamsnugjumper
Fully agree, my 4DC, 3 of whom have been/are students all worked.
The MN narrative of not being able to work and study whilst mummy and daddy finance everything is not good for setting them up in life.My
DD who is in 2nd year, spent last year in halls; shared flat with 12 students; only her and one other girl worked, she was the only one who could cook, the rest completely useless; I've seen more independent 5 yr olds than this lot of infantilised children.

What kind of uni course is he doing? I recently graduated uni, and we were only in x2 days per week!

I can see why he might choose full time over part time. Part time hours l at least in my fast food job is not much according to my colleagues (even though its the Christmas period!). I'm full time now and I'm only getting 4 - 5 shifts per week.

@SnoopysHoose now that's a relief to hear, I thought I was being mean getting both of my boys working flat out, while studying.

Long hours hard shifts, and both of them are thriving and very independent.

I'd be embarrassed if my child graduated without ever having had a job of some description, 21/22 with no life experience is not helpful.

First year engineering student at uni ds was a pizza delivery driver. Years 2-3 he is now hotel bar staff. Working through uni seems to be the norm for most of his friends too.

Car insurance is ridiculously high at that age, if he is not working and organising it himself I'd be making sure he isn't doing anything silly like driving without it.

He also needs to make sure he has business insurance as a delivery driver. Ds worked for Dominoes and they provide insurance but it's only 3rd party which is a risk, some companies don't and expect you to have your own business insurance and at 19, especially with a previous claim, he might not find someone to insure him,

Thanks for the replies, I can see I am being a bit over anxious about this, it has got it more in perspective for me.

Yes I think it is to cover the insurance, it might be particularly high given his accident