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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

help around the house?

22 replies

ZippyBlueViper · 19/12/2024 17:41

My daughter is 13. What kind of chores do people think a 13 year old should be doing to help around the house? Or do people think that a 13 year old shouldn't have to help around the house?

OP posts:
boulevardofbrokendreamss · 19/12/2024 17:51

Dts are 13z their rooms are up to them. They take it in turns to cook around five nights a week, the one that doesn't cook does the dishwasher. They have to get dirty washing into the basket or it won't be washed and they put away their own clothes.

Ponderingwindow · 19/12/2024 18:04

My teen is autistic so we don’t necessarily follow the same patterns as other families. At 13 she had to do her own laundry scoop cat litter boxes, put away kitchen linens that I had washed, and attempt (and often fail) to keep her room and bathroom tidy so have to do periodic cleanups.

SneddlingIntoSpace · 19/12/2024 18:19

Have set days for set chores so that it is just part of her daily routine. For mine at that age unpack a dishwasher a few times a week including either Sunday or Monday for a weekend load. Empty a specific bin, our kitchen bin is emptied on set days and one of those is the bin going out for the bin men. As they are already outside going to school this is just part of their morning routine. They should do their laundry, stripping their bed, wiping down the sink and toilet and making or helping to make a dinner. Some are very easy such as chicken pesto pasta.

At the end of the day you are showing her what adults have to do for no money to keep a house clean and tidy and herself. Start now, add more in so that when they go to uni or leave home they aren't unused to doing all these things.

Original poster
ZippyBlueViper · 20/12/2024 19:27

Thank you, currently my 13 year old doesn't have set jobs and i tend to do everything at home. I'll ask her to make her bed but rarely does she do it. I've said to her i think it's time she could start helping out more but i was wondering if i was harsh by thinking about giving her chores. Do you guys pay your kids for the chores they do?

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 20/12/2024 19:34

DTeens help out as and when. They put their laundry in a basket each and sort it on my bed when asked. They hang up a lot of laundry, especially their own tiny socks and pants. They mostly cook/prepare their own meals and clear up after themselves. They unload the d/w. If I feel I need help, I ask them to do specific tasks, e. g. vacuuming or cleaning sinks.

Blueeyedmale · 20/12/2024 19:36

I'm going back many years now and things are much different now from when I was a teenager,but my mum was quite old fashioned growing up with 3 sons she would have us learn to cook, vacuum, ironing and general cleaning only because she wanted to teach us for later in life that household responsibilities are an equal partnership.

Now my own son who is 14 sometimes he will do things off his own accord make drinks etc and I will give him extra pocket money for cleaning etc but it's not something that I would expect of him.

But I think everyone's parenting style is different but getting them involved in some way is great for them to learn going into adulthood.

Howmanysleepsnow · 20/12/2024 19:39

Mine is a couple of years older now but at 13 she did her own laundry (constantly), was responsible for tidying her own room (nearly never!) and did the dishwasher (taking turns with siblings so 2-3 times a week.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/12/2024 19:41

At that age mine was responsible for their own room, clearing the table, changing own bed, putting their own clothes away and making sure dirty ones ended up in the basket. FF three years, and they still do that, take a turn to cook every now and again, hang up and bring in washing from the line, nip to the shops if we need something, set the table, run the odd errand, make their own lunch of we’re not all having it together, load or unload the dishwasher. We do have a cleaner though which reduces the chores for everyone.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/12/2024 20:04

My 13 yo was in charge of putting the dishes away every day, she would run the hoover round if I asked her to and she also helped with walking the dog.

Original poster
ZippyBlueViper · 20/12/2024 21:28

These are all great ideas thank you. We've sat and discussed tonight and i said i would like her to do a few regular jobs around the house to help me but let her come up with what she thought was a good idea of chores. She's come up with
Make own bed and tidy room daily (I'm fussy and make everyone's beds and straighten rooms everyday)
Deep clean room once a week (i deep clean full house on a Friday so she could do her room Friday after school)
Clear table from tea every night
Run a bath for her little brother every night (i thought this was super sweet idea)
Wash and dry up one night a week

My question now is do i pay her for this and what's the going rate?

She currently has zero chores so she doesn't get pocket money as such but if she goes out shopping with her mates I usually give her 100 quid for the day. She only really goes shopping in school holidays and then only couple of times because we're in a very rural area so normally they just play at parks / our farm which is obviously free so I've not minded giving a large amount because it's not often they get to shops.

But unsure on what a weekly chore rate should be? Or do your children do it free?

OP posts:
slightlydistrac · 20/12/2024 21:46

Perhaps try to get rid of the thought that anyone doing some housework is somehow 'helping' you. Otherwise everyone assumes it is all your responsibility and if they do the smallest thing they expect you to be eternally grateful that they did a little bit of your job for you.

Instead of that, instil the mindset that chores need doing, and everyone pitches in and does their fair share.

Early on in our marriage, DH said "I cleaned the kitchen floor for you". I put him straight. He hasn't said anything like that again since!

samlovesdilys · 20/12/2024 21:57

We divide chores weekly here, mine respond much better to a choice of tasks - would you rather x or y...they can see me doing the other!! They struggle to be told to do things NOW when they can see the adult doing nothing (looking at DH there!) They will also do regular bins/recycling/washing/ironing/cooking some stuff...

Ponderingwindow · 21/12/2024 17:35

Definitely, chores are not about helping parents. Chores are about being a good housemate. Same as most rules of polite behavior around the home. We all treat one another with respect

AppleTreeSeed · 21/12/2024 17:37

My DS watches DH coming home from work on google maps and gets a cup of tea ready to be in his hand the instant he comes in the door. It really helps a lot.

Original poster
ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2024 18:53

She's happy with the list she's come up with, shall i pay a weekly allowance? Do any of your children get allowance paid for jobs? What's the going rate?

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 21/12/2024 18:57

I'd do a weekly allowance not directly linked to chores.
Then chores are about contributing to a shared household.
Link both to being more grown up and learning skills.

brbg2g · 21/12/2024 19:03

Mine are actually younger, oldest is 11 but they've had chores since about 5. Not paid, just part of being chipping in to the household.

11 yo washes dishes, or if I wash then he dries. 7yo puts away.

They put their own laundry away, make beds each morning and sort their own uniform etc night before. Oldest hoovers downstairs and 7yo uses hand held hoover to do stairs and landing.

11yo takes the kitchen bin out and replaced bag and 7yo takes recycling.

They clear their plates after dinner too.

Youngest is only a toddler but even she can carry small pile of her laundry upstairs and gets a damp cloth to "clean" the table after meals.

Chores are good for their self esteem and sense of being part of the family /chipping in. We're a team here and it means more family time playing games or activities together etc and they know that. 13yo should be doing much more imo.

Original poster
ZippyBlueViper · 21/12/2024 19:03

My worry then is that maybe she won't do chores and will just expect money even though the chores aren't done?

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 21/12/2024 19:07

Link it but only loosely.
As in, older ... more responsible ... chores .. allowance . . No handouts for shopping with friends ....

Don't make it pay per job, more you are a responsible teen who can contribute and in recognition we'll give a monthly allowance.

brbg2g · 21/12/2024 19:08

Don't call them chores, call them jobs and let her know that her jobs are her responsibility to contribute to the household, rather than a chore she feels has to do and only does reluctantly to get pocket money.

Makelikeatreeandleaf · 21/12/2024 19:15

Running a home is the responsibility of everyone who lives there. Pocket money/allowance is fair and reasonable but so is doing her bit. I never linked money to doing household tasks, it was expected but if she decided she CBA to do her bit , I CBA to pay her her allowance. I only had to make the point once and she knew I meant business. £100 for a 13 yo to go out for the day with her mates is a huge amount and even if you are loaded, I would definitely be expecting something in return - learning to manage money is a life skill and teenagers need to understand the value of money and not expect handouts.

TeenToTwenties · 21/12/2024 19:17

If you give lifts etc I would be more inclined to use them as leverage for jobs.

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