Daughter and toxic friends

[GianinaC]

My DD is 15 and has had a lovely group of friends. But I have been told by family friend she is now hanging out more and more with a group who are a bad influence. It has been reported my daughter and these 3 girls were vaping in the school toilet.

I also found a cigarette in her bedroom which she says was a friends who came over. I kept an open mind about it.

There has been a change in behaviour. More removed and rude to me.

She is about to do mocks and this is such an important year.

I was looking for advice on how to deal with this situation. I feel she will end up losing the lovely friends she has. Which perhaps is a life lesson but I want to guide her towards better choices without being overbearing and making this worse.

Experimenting and exploring identity is normal to a certain extent, however you really need her to learn how to take calculated risks and value genuinely kind friends.

Strict parents make sneaky teens.

I don't have the answer to this. I was climbing out of windows on holiday abroad at 14, going clubbing and getting drunk. My mum wasn't great with this but there's no easy way to handle.

If I think on what might have helped back then. Probably not being told or directed regards any choice of mates. Rather to be able to have a very honest conversation with a parent. If they asked how come you're vaping? Do you like it or is it to fit in? Just someone listening and asking questions without losing their shit.

I'm not saying I can do this myself as a parent because we're often getting triggered aren't we in reality. Because my son is ND and often does things totally different and rebellious in some ways, I've got used to just talking about stuff some would find shocking.

If you don't react strongly and manage your emotions I think you can understand where she's coming from and what it's all about. It could be for a multitude of reasons. Doing it is so difficult though because we can panic that they're going to ruin their lives and that we must fix it and redirect it urgently. Maybe she'll be just fine whatever happens here and will learn lessons herself without it adversely impacting her beyond recovery - or you and the rest of the family.