Gamer rage

[Beau87]

Hi does anyone else have a teen son that has major outbursts and throws things whilst gaming?

If mine did the bloody thing would be unplugged.....

Oh he got told off. Apologised and is on his final warning!

Think they are telling you very clearly they can't cope and need your help.

What do you mean? Cope with what? Gaming?

If he can't regulate his emotions, doing something he chooses to do, you have to do it for him.
Limit screen time drastically until he can control his anger.

My son has ADHD too. I forgot to mention this is the post. He's a lovely boy but this gaming lark is so annoying. He only games after school and goes to bed at 9-10 and is 14

How many days after school, and for how long each night?

It's a sign of gaming addiction. Think of those gambling addiction ads "when the fun stops, stop" - your son can't do that, when the game stops being fun and becomes frustrating he's carrying on until it turns into rage.

Have a google, lots of info out there about how to help him. I'm not sure if confiscating the lot and making him go cold turkey is recommended or not.

He goes on from around 5 till 7 has a bath and then games from 7:30-8 most nights after school with his friends unless he's tired and just watches tv.

I think gaming addiction is abit much. He doesn't game 24/7. He just gets frustrated easily on his games

The first time one of mine did that their screen time would be heavily restricted.

If it happened again, the console would be removed. Not only does it show they can't regulate their emotions appropriately but it shows a complete lack of respect for the value of the controller/console.

I will not tolerate rage and aggression in my home. Especially over a video game.

I understand what you're saying however, sometimes it isn't as easy as that. He isn't a naughty child. Never does anything wrong it's just the frustration when gaming. He has had his PS5 confiscated before.

What games does he play?

my son is 12 and doesn’t get angry with his gaming. He does go on it every day after school and would easily become addicted to gaming if we didn’t put time limits on though.

does your son do anything else after school like sports or other clubs?

I think I would limit the gaming with him reacting as he is. I think having outbursts and throwing things is not a usual or healthy response to playing a game.

Obviously he is finding it difficult, he can't regulate his emotions, the gaming is making him angry and upset and he needs support/boundaries not just a telling off.

The fact he has ADHD makes it even more important you help him.

He is giving clear signs of stress.

If it frustrates him far beyond anything else, as a parent you should be supporting him by removing the source of the frustration.

Suggest he steps back from gaming until the weekend. See how he reacts and what his behaviour is like when he's not online.
He will tell you all his friends are playing and he's missing out, it's not fair, he's bored...
All the things that'll make you give in to him which defeats the purpose of your post asking for advice.
I'd imagine with the school holidays coming up, his gaming time will increase.

2 hours 30 minutes a day seems great for a 14 year old. Lots of kids watch telly for that length of time anyway and at least gaming is interactive and stratagy. In your shoes I’d say 5-7 gaming and the extra half hour is only allowed (a reward) if he’s managed to remain calm.

no calmness means no extra half hour

and the extra half hour is only allowed (a reward) if he’s managed to remain calm

He is going to need help to stay calm, he needs to be taught techniques and supported.

It is pointless telling someone to 'stay calm' without teaching them how.

It is also quite weird to give someone lots of something that makes them very stressed and tell them they can have more of it if they stay calm. It would be far healthier to not give so much of the thing that makes them unhappy and find something they actually enjoy.

This isn't about screen time, it is about the child showing this activity is unhealthy for them.

DC2 doesn't game, but on the rare occasions she joins her older sibling in a game we have the same problem IF she finds the game frustrating. I have ADHD. She probably does too. ADHD people often have difficulty with frustration tolerance. She probably games less than once a month, so unlikely to be addicted, but she gets angry with games at the top of her skill level. So it's worth considering whether frustration might be an element too. Could you nudge him toward games with lower frustration potential and see how he does with those?

I play games and throwing things is not acceptable behaviour. He is developing rage issues. You need to nip this in the bud before it gets even worse. He has to learn to control his emotions and not let them run rampant. Have firm consequences such as gaming gets taken away immediately for X amount of hours every time he throws something / yells or rages in any way. Lock it away somewhere he can’t get to it. You have to be consistent. And since he has to be monitored, he can’t game when you’re not there to supervise until he can consistently show restraint. If he throws a tantrum tell him this is the consequence of not controlling his anger appropriately.

You parent and take it away.

I think this is quite common. Some games create large amounts of stress and adrenaline.

This puts the gamer into a fight or flight pattern, - ideally they go and find something physical or different to do to let the adrenaline dissapate.

Good article here: https://gamequitters.com/how-gaming-affects-the-brain/

I don't think it's necessarily a sign of addiction. Games can be very engaging and immersive, and often there are things in a game you have to work on for a while and if you make a mistake and fluff it up it can be annoying or frustrating because you've got to start that bit again. Sometimes you feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall because you keep trying and you can't get it. That's part of what makes it so rewarding when you do succeed. Often frustration is built into the intended experience, and getting frustrated or annoyed is absolutely normal.

As an adult, I might frown or go "ugh" or laugh or exit the game with a slightly firmer jab than usual. He's a 14 year old boy with ADHD and a body and brain that have recently started being flooded with massive doses of testosterone.

I don't think outbursts and throwing things are at all acceptable, obviously, but the size of his reaction doesn't suggest a gaming addiction to me, more that he hasn't learnt how to control the expression of his emotions.

If he can't express frustration in an acceptable manner, I suppose it's a bad idea to do an activity that's designed to frustrate him.

Addiction doesn't mean doing something 24/7.

He's unable to regulate his gaming or stop gaming when it's not enjoyable. He's addicted.