Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Going on holiday and leaving teens at home

13 replies

Talllottie · 15/12/2024 12:18

Two things going on.

Ds is 16, he'll be 17 in May.

He has been invited to go on holiday abroad with his gf and her family in Summer 2025. They've been together for around 8 months but they don't actually spend much time together. She also breaks up with him then wants to get back together. I'm not keen on the idea of the holiday but don't really feel that I could say no as he'll be 17.

The other dilemma is that I want to
Go on holiday myself with dh and ds2 who is 12. Ds1 has ruined nearly every holiday we've been on in recent years with his bad moods and general being stroppy. He doesn't enjoy going with us anymore no matter what we do or how enjoyable we try to make it.

He will just sulk around with a face on him, wind his brother up, not get ready and make us late just being an absolute pain in the arse.

I don't trust him to leave at home either. He'd be capable of looking after himself but I'd be worried about the house being trashed.

There's literally no one he could stay with.

OP posts:
kiraric · 15/12/2024 12:21

Isn't the obvious solution that you go away with DS2 while DS1 is away with the girlfriend?

Original poster
Talllottie · 15/12/2024 12:22

kiraric · 15/12/2024 12:21

Isn't the obvious solution that you go away with DS2 while DS1 is away with the girlfriend?

Yes absolutely, sorry I should have put that.

I just wanted thoughts on the whole situation really.

The going away with gf, leaving him at home, whether he should suck it up and behave on holiday.

No idea of the holiday either gf will happen but we shall see.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 15/12/2024 12:28

I’d express dissent to the holiday with his girlfriend and family, as I wouldn’t want to pay towards it and wouldn’t want him to accept that much money from another family. If hearing this he insists on going, he can handle all the conversations with the hosts, including about money aspects.

If you really don’t trust him not to host a party and trash the house and don’t know anyone to house sit to make sure he doesn’t, then unfortunately I wouldn’t go and leave him at home.

Remaker · 15/12/2024 12:28

I have a DD18 and DS16, 17 in a couple of weeks.

No to the holiday with GF, too much pressure to continue a relationship just because he’s committed to the holiday.

In our family they don’t get to opt out of family holidays until they’re 18 and finished school. DH and I have started going away for the occasional long weekend but there are two of them in the house plus we have neighbours who are close friends and my brother down the road.

What kind of holiday do you prefer? Can you compromise and book something he would enjoy? We try to mix it up and do things the kids like then we let them go back to the hotel for some device time while we do something they aren’t interested in.

Loopytiles · 15/12/2024 12:29

If you book the holiday for when he is meant to go it seems likely he will end up not going and being at home.

Original poster
Talllottie · 15/12/2024 12:33

Loopytiles · 15/12/2024 12:28

I’d express dissent to the holiday with his girlfriend and family, as I wouldn’t want to pay towards it and wouldn’t want him to accept that much money from another family. If hearing this he insists on going, he can handle all the conversations with the hosts, including about money aspects.

If you really don’t trust him not to host a party and trash the house and don’t know anyone to house sit to make sure he doesn’t, then unfortunately I wouldn’t go and leave him at home.

He's saving up to pay for the holiday. Although in theory I wouldn't actually mind paying (I haven't told him this), but it would I suppose be his share of what we'd spend on a family holiday.

It's more the fact that I've been given no details. I don't know if they've booked it yet, don't want him to part with any money unless it's guaranteed he's going. I just cannot see how it's all going to work to be honest without him risking losing a large sum of money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Talllottie · 15/12/2024 12:37

Remaker · 15/12/2024 12:28

I have a DD18 and DS16, 17 in a couple of weeks.

No to the holiday with GF, too much pressure to continue a relationship just because he’s committed to the holiday.

In our family they don’t get to opt out of family holidays until they’re 18 and finished school. DH and I have started going away for the occasional long weekend but there are two of them in the house plus we have neighbours who are close friends and my brother down the road.

What kind of holiday do you prefer? Can you compromise and book something he would enjoy? We try to mix it up and do things the kids like then we let them go back to the hotel for some device time while we do something they aren’t interested in.

Nothing pleases him these days. We've done all inclusives abroad and he had absolute freedom to do what he wanted within the complex. We've done hiking in the lakes. Cycling in Dorset. Trips to London. Beaches in Cornwall and Devon.

We don't scrimp and he has a say in what we do and what we eat he just acts like a brat tbh.

OP posts:
Oblomov24 · 15/12/2024 12:43

Text the mum and forewarn her that as they haven't had the chance to spend much time together, you hope he doesn't get on her nerves after a couple of days, what does she suggest?

Original poster
Talllottie · 15/12/2024 12:49

Oblomov24 · 15/12/2024 12:43

Text the mum and forewarn her that as they haven't had the chance to spend much time together, you hope he doesn't get on her nerves after a couple of days, what does she suggest?

I don't know the gfs mum and dad.

Tbh I wish I'd just said no from the start. We said that he could potentially go if we knew more details and on the understanding that he wouldn't be parting with any money until it was time to go as it was too big of a risk.

Ds has ran away with the idea as he always does.

Afaik her parents invited him. They only see each other once or twice a week for a few hours, they've never even spent an overnight together and it's a very flaky relationship from what I can tell.

OP posts:
Original poster
Talllottie · 15/12/2024 12:51

I cannot say a single negative or concerned thing or ds tells me that I hate him, I hate his girlfriend and I'm trying to ruin his life and prevent him from ever being happy.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 15/12/2024 16:42

Why would you even consider risking YOUR money? That’d be a poor decision IMO!

If it’s his cash, the money and awkwardness angles could be good: ‘DS, if you commit to pay GF’s parents for your holiday transport and accommodation, be aware that if for any reason you don’t go, you will lose all the money. You will also need more money for costs while you are there.’

Loopytiles · 15/12/2024 16:42

Neutral & factual.

Travelban · 16/12/2024 07:51

We have also invuted dd's boyfriend on holiday but it's a rented villa so it's the cost of changing a flight if they change their mind...so going against the grain I would say yes. I would also insist on a family holiday, eg he comes with you but he also gets to go with her. He might behave more knowing that he had that as a carrot !

Wr had this too btw and they will grow out of it although luckily not from all of them. Just a phase to get through bedt we can!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread