Teenagers & Alcohol

[RabbitsRock]

Interested to know what everyone’s stance is if your kids are around 16? We’re having a few issues with DD15 atm. DH & I are anxious to encourage responsible drinking. Our situation is complicated in that DD claims she is addicted to booze, smoking & drugs but there is very little evidence of any of it except smoking/vaping.

Well we allowed limited drinks at home, eg a couple of glasses of wine, a couple of beers at a bbq etc. a few drinks if they went out to a party, they could take beers or ciders with them not spirits.
They all have differing relationships now in their twenties so I’m not sure how much it influenced them either way.
But totally different if she says she is addicted at her age. I would try to get her some therapy and take it from there. I wouldn’t be offering alcohol really if she was saying she already has an unhealthy relationship with it.

Anyone else?

At 15 DD was allowed to bring a few ciders/alcopops to parties and occasionally had a glass of wine or prosecco at home/if we were out for a special occasion. Alcohol certainly wasn’t a forbidden fruit - we had an everything in moderation stance. I did however refuse to buy her hard spirits until she was 17 and knew her limits a bit better. She’s now 20, a very responsible drinker and has rarely taken it ‘too far’ in comparison to her peers.

She’s addicted to what drugs? How does she know she’s addicted to alcohol? How long has she been vaping? Or is it all a ruse so you can’t force her to stop??

Is she just being a showy offy drama teen or do you actually think she has a problem?

If the former then ignore and allow her a modest glass of wine with meals if she wants it (but just in case she has real bad habits you don't know about keep booze stores locked away)

If you think her partying is out of control then get her some help. You aren't going to be able to sort it before Christmas tho so I'd still probably proceed as above over Christmas

We were very strict with before and after 18 because I genuinely thought alcohol had the potential to ruin lives, but this was the wrong approach.

This lead to DS throwing up at his first house party and only learning "how to drink" at university (he threw up first night of Freshers).

DS is now mid 20s and has for the most part gone off alcohol.

We are Germans so this may cloud our attitude a bit.

DD was allowed to try at home from around 14/15 onwards. With try I mean a sip of beer/wine etc.

She moved to a small glass (1/4 pint) of cider Pimms (with more lemonade topped up) with a BBQ or a meal.

She is 17, hates beer, wine or procecco. Will have a sweet cider, a vodka lemonade (heavy on the lemonade) or one of these premix cans which have around 4.5% alcohol every now and then at home.

I know she had a couple of drinks when they had the wrap up party of a theatre play she was in last Summer. She is not a pary-goer and some of her friends aren't allowed any alcohol at all so it's all very tame.

A beer or glass of wine with us. A sip of g&t… but he quite likes alcohol free Guinness too. He’s a rugby lad but is also quite health conscious so that probably helps. He does say that at parties it’s usually the girls who go overboard with vodka etc.

id dig into the addiction thing. Sound dramatic but not a great place to be.

Hi, I pop onto these threads every once in a while to give a different perspective. I want to preface by saying I am not a mum, I am a teen (hence why I only comment on teen threads) however I am a teen mental health advocate and young advise for multiple national and local organisations so hopefully not completely 'unqualified'. I use threads like this in part to understand lots of different view points and experiences which helps a lot with advocacy work. I also, obviously, have the 'normal' teenage experience (friendships, parties, school etc) so sometimes try to help out on these threads. In terms of alcohol it happens and there isn't a need to sugar coat it. I personally view it as okay in reasonably safe environments e.g house parties. They are part of the teenage experience and they just happen. They are a fun night and drinking is a way to fit in. I've been to parties and don't drink so it's definitely possible on every level. My parents have also never outright told me to not drink or threaten punishment I made my own decision not too (a fear of being sick and hating the taste of any sort of alcohol also add to this). Drinking becomes more of a concern if teens are doing it alone or outside of 'appropriate' environments e.g parties. It's also concerning if teens are drinking multiple times a week. Don't completely ban alcohol as if anything it makes it more appealing to some just teach when it is safe/appropriate to have a drink, how to stay safe and how to drink safely. Vaping also happens and it happens A LOT as a result of many different things including wanting to fit in, mental health struggles and even just for some thrill. Many teens can come to rely on their vape and it is very very normalized within secondary school culture. A lot of teens who are addicted to vaping want to stop or try to stop so try to support in this and have open and honest conversations rather than completely banning/telling off. If a teen is reluctant to stop this is often because they have come to rely on the vape for some sort of relief. It can even just be having something to take your mind off other things. If this is the case again have open and honest conversations about it and professional support could be required for reasons deeper than just the vape itself. Smoking is a very complicated issue which again does happen. Smoking is a lot less common than vaping and I know many teens who are happy to pick up a vape everyday but wouldn't dare smoke/do drugs. There is a reason for everything and smoking can come from again mental health struggles and hanging out with the wrong groups of people and wishing to fit it. Try not to judge but instead try to have human conversation with DD. Think about the whys, ask if there is anything you can do to help, if necessary speak to professionals. As a round up I'd say of course none of these things are good for the body etc but a few party vodka cokes is okay. In terms of vaping and smoking remember there is a reason for everything and try not to judge but support instead.

My 15 yo ds had been allowed to try sips of drinks I have when he has asked but has never actually asked if he can have a whole alcoholic drink. We aren't massive drinkers and his friends aren't going out to parties or hanging out down the local park all evening like I used to. He seems happy with full sugar coke as a treat at the monent. If he asks at Christmas I will let him have some fizz on maybe a fruit cider. At his age I was out getting drunk at nightclubs every weekend, I recall drinking a bottle of Archers for my 16th birthday. I think maybe girls have a greater drive to grow up quicker and be doing more grown up things sooner though so I'm sure dd will be a different story.

I am ready to be flamed on here but we don't allow or offer any alcohol to our teens. We are liberal in many (most?) other ways but DH and I have always been in complete agreement. Not living in UK though so that helps. Am shocked at normalization of heavy drinking/alcoholism when we come for visits.

USA?

My 14 year old doesn't seem interested yet. She likes WKD at family parties but I let her try prosecco before and she spat it straight out claiming it tasted like hand sanitiser.

DS1 is nearly 18 and has never had any alchohol. Just is not interested. He doesn't like fizzy drinks either.

DD is 16 and will have a drink with friends and will probably have a drink or two over xmas with us. She only drinks at a party maybe every 1-2 months so isnt out every weekend getting hammered.
Our stance is she and most teens are going to do it, we did, I’d rather know what she is drinking, where she is and who with. I always pick her up and often drop friends home too so i know they get home safe.

My 15 DS still happy with chocolate, sweets and cherry pepsi.

He did enjoy a couple of tiny glasses of my honeycomb brothers last NYE but other than that one time he's not shown any interest so far.

I have an older teen they were given a sip of prosecco a few years ago and said it was revolting and doesn't know why people drink it all tastes awful and that was it has no interest in it

At 15 I didn’t allow it although I’d have let them have a small glass of wine, but they didn’t like it. I’m sure the sweeter pre-made stuff was more palatable but I wasn’t about to buy it for them. I would never serve it to a 15 year old either, not under my roof. These young teens who are allowed to drink at parties? Who on earth is hosting them?

She has a point to be fair 😆

He did enjoy a couple of tiny glasses of my honeycomb brothers

Sorry, your what?

(intrigued by this very exotic sounding new drink...)

Not very exotic - but very delicious!

Of course, cider! I should have guessed. Very nice!

I agree and we are exactly the same. My oldest is now over 18 and drinks only sometimes, very moderately. Some of her classmates have been very heavy drinkers since 14-15, some have passed out in public spaces, I find it shocking.