Gaming all night/Sleeping all day

[Quietlou]

I’m just wondering if you wouldn’t mind giving your opinion on how to approach this situation please. My Step Son is 18, doesn’t work or isn’t in Education anymore. Instead he games until around 4am most days and didn’t wake up until 6pm today. Tried several times to wake him. What would you do? Would think might help please? Thank you x

Tell him he has to get a job or move out! Is he doing anything to rectify the current situation?

No, he just looks for jobs now and again half heartedly

Charge him more rent

He doesn’t pay any

How is the relationship between you & your step son? If you have a close relationship then I’d go ahead & explain to him that it’s unhealthy habit he’s getting into & he needs to think about looking for a job as he needs to start contributing.

If your relationship is a bit touch & go as I know can be with teens & step parents then I’d get his dad to have a word with him.

We get on quite well, we aren’t super close because he tends to keep himself to himself. Both his Dad and I have sat down with him several times to say we care about his wellbeing and his daily routine isn’t healthy and he needs to start taking responsibility for himself, but nothing changes.

Why not?

Do you pay for the WiFi. If so, turn the router off and unplug it and take it with you when you go to bed! I'm assuming he is gaming online?

WiFi goes off at midnight.
He needs to get at least a pt job to pay his way.
Honestly you need to stop enabling this.
Offer to get him help with his mental health if that's the issue but he still needs to change his behaviours regardless.

Unfortunately you can't deal with this your dh needs to. I'd also stop any cooking cleaning shopping or laundry and if your dh does it I'd stop doing any of his too. I'd try and say as little as possible but keep returning the responsibility to your dh. We went through this with my dhs son and it almost broke us. He left his very expensive private school under a cloud got asked to leave college under a similar one and got thrown off the apprenticeship he apparently never wanted. They were super tough years and eventually he chose to go to his mother's rather than work. He didn't get a job til he was late twenties. Ten years on he's sort if doing OK but he got a small trust fund at thirty so who knows. If I could turn back time I'd butt out completely.

Is he ok? Is it possible he is depressed?

In this instance then I’d you have tried his dad will need to take the lead on this as you don’t want things to become tense between you & him.

As a previous poster has said, could he be depressed? If not like others have said WiFi off off by a certain time, start cutting off any allowance he has (assuming he gets one as he doesn’t work) take luxuries away ect.

WiFi off, and have a hard talk with him about him moving out in a set timeframe give him a timeframe to get a job and a timeframe to move out.

In essence stop enabling him.

This doesn't work with a step child

Why has his dad allowed him to start turning into a total loser? Is his dad a good role model - job, looks after himself, has a social life? I’d turn off the Wi-Fi at 10pm and tell him he’ll never get a girlfriend if he doesn’t get his arse in gear and start looking for a job or a college course.

I'm not sure the issue is that he's gaming all night and sleeping all day, it's more that he doesn't have a job. If he had a night shift job there wouldn't be so much of an issue. Even if he gamed all day and didn't work it wouldn't be OK. He needs to do something with his life. Does he see any friends?

The usual response in MN to anyone over 18 is that they are an adult and can choose how to live their life. But I think there needs to be some parenting going on here, and helping him find something constructive to do with his days, like getting a job.

WiFi off and don't cook or do anything for him until he works.
His dad needs to be very firm and stop enabling a free life

I think it can be quite daunting for some young people getting into work and they get stuck in the comfort zone. You could get in touch with the Prince's Trust and ask for their advice. They offer courses and work tasters. They have a good Website and the staff seem to really care about the YP.
Personally I find the confrontational approach not that helpful with my son as he shuts down. The Job Centres also offer support. Good luck.

Definitely stop the gaming all night. Turn off wifi. Give him chores to go and tell him people in your home do not sleep all day unless ill. He needs to start working or studying asap. He will need to work on sleep hygiene as he has messed his body clock up. Or he could get night work if he likes being up all night. Gaming is addictive as is laying in bed having other people paying your way.