Prude parents or safe boundaries?

[mears]

My friend's 15 year old has a huge poster on his bedroom wall of topless model. Her breasts are looking at you as you walk in his room! Anyay I told her that I was shocked she allowed him to have that on display. She reckons I am a prude because she thinks it is healthy behaviour for a boy that age.
On further discussion with a group of friends our response was evenly mixed. Half approved, half didn't. I fully expect my son of the same age is having a good rummage around 'dirty' magazines - that is normal 15yr old behaviour. I think half the fun will be that it is illicit and he thinks I know nothing. My friends son buys FHM magazine with her blessing.
The discussion went on to alcohol and there was again mixed feelings about allowing 13-15 year olds to drink alcohol. Some didn't think it was much of a problem for kids of that age to come home having evidently been drinking.
I think if there are no boundaries then kids will try and shock you with something more daring.
Am I just an old fashioned prude?

I have to say, the more I have looked into the porn industry the sadder and crueller it is. Women who choose to enter this 'industry' are almost invariably damaged and become more so in the course of their 'work'. Even Jordan admits she was abused as a child. The men behind the business are often fantastically rich, they supply drugs to their workers to keep them hooked and in line. A girl who goes into this business young will often find herself forced into ever more degrading scenarios as she goes on. It becomes normal to be abused. SimonHoward, would you really like your daughter, when she reaches her teens, to be painfully buggered/choked to the point of vomiting by several men she never met before in the course of her 'work'? Of course, I know the answer. You don't. You would be anguished by it. You hope for more for her. I don't see why what we would think of as utterly horrific and unacceptable for our loved ones is OK for strangers. It's not a job like any other. Also, in pictures like the ones under discussion, women's bodies are not on display because they are aesthetically beautiful but because they are aids to masturbation - truly, just objects. I'm not so naive as to think that boys won't want to see women's bodies like this, but I won't give it the veneer of respectability and approval that allowing the posters to be displayed in my home. I hope my son would have more respect for me as his mother than to want to offend me like this. That's probably hopelessly naive too!

Aloha

I have to admit that I would not be the happiest father in the world if that is the sort of thing my daughter did for a job but in the end it is up to her.

I can't stand for anyone of any age being abused for others pleasure. If however it is her choice to do that sort of thing and it is what she wants to do and is not forced into it then so long as there are safeguards to prevent things going any further than was agreed I do not see that I have any say in it. She would be an adult and it would be her choice, which I would have to respect.

Of course I reserve the right to track down and maim/kill anyone who hurts my little girl (as she will always be in my eyes) in any way, shape or form.

I have to say I am so glad my parents had a much more relaxed attitude to porn than seems common because by the time I was old enough to be interested it wasn't a taboo subject and was openly discussed.

This meant that it was only ever hidden to stop brothers from stealing it not to stop my parents from finding it (also meant that them asking to borrow some was easier).

Aloha, you make some good points.

SimonHoward, I think there is a very seedy side of porn, and I think this probably forms a bigger part of the industry than the glamourous 'show biz' side which is promoted. I think there are many young girls, wanting to get into modelling or even acting who see 'glamour modelling as a short cut. How many of these girls end up with big careers? And how many end up being exploited and abused? You can choose to believe that all the girls you're watching are there by choice, but I don't think that's the case.

I don't like porn, and I don't think it encourages boys to have a healthy, respectful attitude to women. However, I do think that it's naive to expect boys not to look at pictures of women.

Mears I have a question for your friend... Would she allow her husband to put pictures of topless models in THEIR bedroom?? How many women would? No way, I wouldn't - so no son of mine is either!!!!

I don't see why that's relevant Lil, it's a rather different thing.

anais - why is it different? if your son wants to be treated as an adult then surely he has to act like...well, other male adults. So if his mother wouldn't want his father putting up a poster in their house, then surely he shouldn't either. Turning it on its head, its a bit like trying to tell your kids not to smoke when you're a smoker.

I would find such a poster offensive eg in a working environment so it's good for young adults/children to learn about boundaries IMO. When Paul Burrell recently said he'd been sent out by Di to buy soft porn for Prince William my dh said this took away the whole point of it..ie it was forbidden/private!!

Lil,

She and her h have recently split, but I think she would say it is healthy and normal for a 15 year old but not for an adult. She says if someone offerred her loads of money to show her boobs off she would!

Lil, you say: "if your son wants to be treated as an adult then surely he has to act like...well, other male adults" well, all men look at porn, don't they? So in effect, he is acting like other male adults. I just feel that to expect anything else from a teenage boy is rather unrealistic - they are just beginning to discover sex, and have 'urges' and it's just normal.

It's different from your partner/husband displaying porn, as your partner/husband is in a relationship with you, therefore shouldn't be flaunting that kind of thing under your nose (though I bet the vast majority still look at/use porn). Your son has no such commitment, so in the privacy of his own room I don't see the problem.

I'm prudish too and if it was one of my boys I would probably go nuts.
I agree with what Anais has said though it is normal and boys of that age are running around with raging hormones aren't they?