12ds lost confidence and socially awkward

[Checkcheckchecking]

I’m in need of advice please and this is long, sorry. Our 12.5yo DS has changed dramatically this year. He’s gone from being confident and outgoing to being withdrawn, shy, socially awkward. On paper he has everything going for him. Happy family, he’s nice looking, he has a handful of good friends, he’s popular, has good grades, teachers love him, he’s pretty sporty. So this behaviour is odd. It started this summer when we noticed that he was the quietest boy on his team. All the other boys would chat and talk and cheer etc and ds would just quietly stand and observe, barely saying hi. We initially put it down to the others being particularly loud and extroverted and this being a new team but he knew one of the boys from last year (same team they were friendly) so it should have made things easy but instead he barely talked to him and the other boy made friends with the rest of the group instead. Throughout the summer he played a lot of Roblox (I know, huge mistake). We thought he was chatting to his friends but it turned out that he was also talking to strangers. It culminated with his account being blocked after I received a notification about inappropriate language ( this was in the fall). He no longer plays online games and we’ve locked his phone down. But this happened after his odd behaviour had already started. I’m worried he was expiring inappropriate language and concepts by predators . I’m not sure where to go from here. Not sure what to do. We’ve had many long talks. Reassuring him that he is loved, spending more time with him but something still feels off. Ugh.

Would he maybe feel more confident in a smaller group? Can you think up a reason to just invite two or three kids over or to do an activity? Maybe start with something like the cinema where they don't actually have to talk that much and work up to something like an escape room where they have to be a bit more collaborative? Or encourage him to play online but with kids he definitely knows. That can sometimes tip over into real life friendships.

What does he say when you talk about it? Can you maybe approach it from a 'how can we help you be more chatty?' rather than an 'is there anything wrong?' standpoint which they are likely to just deny. Sometimes it helps to literally practise what to say to common questions or help them come up with conversation starters they feel comfortable with. I know my son felt that things I came up with like 'What football team do you support?" were completely tragic but as we talked a bit more we found things he could say - generally jokey comments about teachers or instructors seemed not too sad to say out loud for him!

It's definitely an awkward age though. I think it becomes easier as they all become more social animals.