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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

It's all gone wrong so quickly

6 replies

teentantrums · 29/11/2024 11:45

Hello everyone. Six months ago DS14 was not happy in school but generally went, albeit late. Now he has changed schools to one of his choice and refuses to go or goes so late that it still counts as an absence. He has given up everything he used to like (playing and watching football), has started vaping and lying around basically doing nothing. He is bright but the school are trying to get him to change to a different, easier school as he doesn't do any work. (We are not in the UK and he is at the equivalent of a grammar school). He wants to stay but refuses to do any work. He has been asked by the school to see the school psychologist and go to extra lessons to make up the missed work. He won't do either. I know he is unhappy but I really don't know what to do. He refuses any help and is absolutely horrible to us, especially me. I desperately want to help him but also need help myself as the whole situation is so stressful and we are all walking on eggshells as he is so angry with us. Help!!

OP posts:
Whatsnmynameagain9 · 29/11/2024 13:13

I would step back and look at the school options for him. Which it truly the best placement? Change it and get him the support he needs. Pastoral care, less pressure.

teentantrums · 29/11/2024 13:31

The problem is, he says he doesn't want to change school and leave his friends. He refuses to go to a different one.

OP posts:
TinyMouseTheatre · 02/12/2024 06:55

So difficult when they don't listen isn't it?

Mine always seem to listen more if we go out and talk somewhere neutral. It might be worth taking him out, even if it's only McDonalds or your local equivalent and asking him what his plans are.

It doesn't sound as though the school he's at will be willing to keep him so he has a few options, do the work or move.

What are his plans post 16?

And I know that this is often trotted out but do read up on inattentive ADHD too, just in case there a chance that this could be affecting his behaviour Flowers

teentantrums · 02/12/2024 14:14

TinyMouseTheatre · 02/12/2024 06:55

So difficult when they don't listen isn't it?

Mine always seem to listen more if we go out and talk somewhere neutral. It might be worth taking him out, even if it's only McDonalds or your local equivalent and asking him what his plans are.

It doesn't sound as though the school he's at will be willing to keep him so he has a few options, do the work or move.

What are his plans post 16?

And I know that this is often trotted out but do read up on inattentive ADHD too, just in case there a chance that this could be affecting his behaviour Flowers

Thanks. I actually think adhd is a possibility but of course he refuses to be assessed.

OP posts:
Beamur · 02/12/2024 14:22

School refusal is often a sign of something else.
However reluctant he is to engage I would press for him to be assessed for whatever is holding him back. Be it ASD/ADHD, anxiety etc.
I'd address that before you try and get him back in school.

LavenderFields7 · 02/12/2024 14:30

Tell him he hasn’t got a choice, he is either going to have to start doing school work, or get a job. Be firm, don’t back down. If you relent you will have a workshy lazy manchild for life. It’s not too late.

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